The most surprising thing about getting older is realizing the furious 22-year-old leftist version of me was right about absolutely everything.

The WRONG PEOPLE ARE HAVING STROKES

Thomas. Galilee. 32AD.

Christ, the state of supermarket potatoes these days! Every man jack of them riddled with blemishes & befoulments. “Grown in Scotland” were you? By “Mark Smeaton”? TO WHAT END?

Every U.K. job ad is like “we seek a dynamic, world-leading expert to care for priceless, load-bearing activities. Salary: £28,000 p.a.”

Boss: Is everything ok? Me: Yeah, I've been vibe-coding just like you asked. Boss: All your recent updates just output "work sucks" over and over... Me: Well yeah. That's a vibe.

Help a toad across the road – and five more ways to save these endangered amphibians www.theguardian.com/environment/...

Managed to fart to the beat of "You Got It (The Right Stuff)" by New Kids On The Block. Which was upsetting, as I was aiming for "Diamonds and Guns" by Transplants.

May have mis-heard but I swear a lady in Greenwich Park this morning had a miniature dachshund called He-Man.

teenage magritte ninja apples

Celebrating International Women's Day as all women should. Horizontal...and in horrendous pain due to agonising muscle spasms. 💅

This is an excellent rule for storytelling but also implies that Philip Pullman witnessed the death of God as a boy.

I reckon the only hurdle that stops me from being James Bond is that Ian Fleming explicitly stated that the character 'very rarely passed rectal gas - but when he had to, he would emit a suave hiss'

It goes some way towards explaining how he looks so young for a 90yr old.

I hope that Iran's new supreme leader is a woman. #internationalwomensday

Prince William tells Catherine what he wants for his birthday treat.

I have watched this approximately 47 times and laughed out loud 47 times

I don’t have kids but I’m pretty sure explaining homosexuality would be WAY easier than explaining Daylight Savings.

What do we think Little Bruce is looking at? Is it ghosts? Probably ghosts. #Caturday

Herefordshire rural watch is folk horror

Huntley dead, and the world is slightly less shit. Don’t make a hero of his killer though. He’s already on a whole life sentence for three murders, including a five-month pregnant mother who he also raped. Remember the victims of these foul men.

I want to see other CEOs eat their products. Google CEO eats a computer. Airbnb CEO eats a pillow

Five-Star General: (gravely) Sir, Operation Epic Bacon is not going awesomesauce

[David Attenborough holding me in a headlock] Stop calling tiger sharks sea raccoons

This looks and sounds like the start of a DON’T DO DRUGS public information film from about twenty years ago.

I think one of these books would benefit from a different font.

This cow has SEEN some shit.

Spoooky trees for #PhantomsFriday! 😱

Charles I to a young Charles II after he ran out to play several hours ago c.1636:

Telling Jesus he'll never make it if he keeps being so hostile to wealth. Advising him to moderate his message to appeal to the Galilee suburbs

The first superman comic was published in 1938. Sigmund Freud died in 1939. That means there was a real possibility that Freud wacked off to a picture of Lois Lane.

Her replacement will just be a gun with a bunch of racial slurs written on it

"Washing machines live longer with Calgon"

I don't have kids so I dressed up my book as a child for world book day

More headlines like this please

It’s uncanny

For World Book Day I will be smiling at men with my bottom teeth x

You don't need to know what my grandads did for a living. For tax reasons.

New Mr Beast contest: one lucky winner gets safely evacuated from Iran while the other contestants look on in horror as they are left behind

be bad at your new hobby who cares

I'll always be obsessed with this edit made by @tommchenry.bsky.social

One day you're going through life without a care in the world and the next you're in your mid-40s and putting on eyeliner is like drawing a Picasso on a ball bag x

I am too tired to deal with this much idiocy* *personally and generally