This isn’t just a pun. It’s the truth. It’s why Liz Fraser doesn’t wear open-toed sandals. She did once & was asked to leave IKEA

He stees you when you're stleeping.

One time my wife was watching a documentary on arranged marriages and I called them 'dulyweds' lol and now I sleep in a cupboard under the stairs.

Why can't every tech guy be like Tom from MySpace: make $500 million and then fuck off into obscurity. Why do they have to keep bothering us

this is way too much diggity, we’re gonna have to bag it up

I got a massive bookcase down the stairs all on my own using a clingfilm slip'n'slide method and profound forearm strength and and AND I only somewhat grazed my wrist in the process I am very strong and brave 💪* (*bawled my eyes out at a dog rescue vid earlier)

"What if one of YOUR favorite politicians/celebrities/etc is on the list?" Did you all not notice how quickly we dropped Neil Gaiman when we found out about the things he did? Do you know how beloved that guy used to be and how loathed he is now? I think that right there should answer your question.

[To the tune of Pretty Woman by Roy Orbison] 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵Walking down the street 🎵Baba Yaga 🎵House with chicken feet 🎵Baba Yaga

Joyce Carol Oates should say he can't do backflips off the roof next

At the

🎶 Postman Crack, Postman Crack Postman Crack will be getting the sack 🎵

Book Cover of the Day:

She was wearing it satyrically.

🖼️ Goldfinch and Chaffinch, Friedrich Wilhelm Kuhnert.

Can I recommend R&B Cluedo for Xmas? Just won my first game. It was Colonel Abrams in the hot tub with a sequinned glove

Our new house is now full of our stuff 🥳 I can't move

I try my hardest to stop buying books but sometimes it is just too difficult.

All our stuff is supposed to be arriving today, but because I have a horrible goblin for a brain, all I can think about is "ok, but what if they just...didn't? 👀"

Absolutely gone at this story from Harris on FB, the last sentence is pure Atlantic coast magic.

we gotta get like three VPNs deep with signal chats set to a disappearing turnaround of minutes to be able to use adult words instead of "unalive" or "grape" meanwhile our political elite are apparently just emailing each other plaintext "up for sex crimes tonight ?"

Frankenstein is a metaphor for the dangers of reanimating corpses with electricity

Mother Nature's actual name is Janet Earth

Forgot to take my eyeliner off before getting in the shower

In 2015, a man commented "looks great!" on a picture of a cake his niece had baked, and that is the last normal thing anyone has said on the internet.

Illustration by Jeffrey Alan for 'The Sword In The Stone'. #WyrdWednesday #KingArthur #Arthurian #legend

All our worldly goods are stuck in gridlock on the motorway after a horrible accident and, truth be told, I am not coping with anything particularly well atm

I'm in this post and I don't like it

Post a non-religious photo you think of as holy.

Fine, I will write the next James Bond. INT: SEX CASINO, NIGHT BOND: Hello I am Bond James Bond my car goes NYOOM CUT TO: ten minutes of a chase in a sports car BOND: Also my watch is a special watch that makes ladies blouses see through EXPLOSION BOND: This film is for grown ups

"Oh no. James Bond died. How can we write a new film that makes sense?? Anyway, here is Bond's Girlfriend: Denise Tits."

this has to be the single greatest image in the history of sports

It's the last big bit of The Move today, all the furniture and bulky items. Apparently, "bulky items" include the neighbours cat

Speed dating is when you have to tell Keanu Reeves a little bit about yourself or this bus will explode

absurd is short for absolute turd

Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.

"RETRIBUTION SHALL BE SWIFT BUT PAINFUL!"

Thousands of folk horror fans

Describe your cat's personality with one photo

People say Barbie is an unrealistic role model, but what about Mr. Potato Head? I’ve never seen a guy who looks likes that

can never tell with this pope if he's layered up or just absolutely hench

Sick of the rat race man. These rats are fast as shit. Tired of losing.

First trip in to (new) town. Not bad! Fairly civilised. Then again, I grew up in a place with regular rioting and actual murders, so the bar is on the floor 👍

Worst episode ever. Etc.

Friday

Just stumbled across an incredible duo.

Book Cover of the Day: