I have a 30 minute slot to collect the turkey, fuck this up & we're eating something the size of a sparrow or an extinct megafuana

Oh blimey look at that

"I've written a book - The Seven Pillahs Of Wisdom" "No Tom" "Alright, a podcast Sugar & Dosh & All Things Bosh" "No" "Eat Yourself Skinner: The Lunch For Breakfast Plan" "Fuck off"

There is a significant element in the English cricket establishment (ex-players, journalists, commentators) who are delighted to be putting the boot into the McCullum/Stokes era. Bazball success was anathema to them, "why won't they listen to me?" & now it's revenge.

Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy is a Christmas film

Narrow boating, a gentle past-time with no dramas. Until the canal explodes, all the water runs away and it's Let's Off Road

Can we retrospectively make Chase DeMoor BBC Sports Personality Of The Year?

Cutthroat Island on Film 4 & there is nothing wrong with this, Davis magic as always. Yes it cost a bomb but every thing does & at least this is proper fun.

Another great day following the Ashes

It is the season of miracles after all

OK if preceded by "There is..."

"This is an early van Klomp... When he was taller, he signed his paintings further up."

Not satisfied with filling our eyes & ears with magic over the years, these two have written a book of short stories without peer. Buying several copies each would seem the best approach.

If you randomly have this kids 2016 Barcelona kit in the back of your cupboard and can save Christmas in my house please get in touch 🤞

Throwback to the Xmas when I spoofed mobile game ads too accurately, and no one clicked on the video.

Office Party +1: I think beer might be bad for you

Our Snowpiercer

Office party today

"What is the meaning of #SynchronisedCuppa & #SuperGiantRobotTuesday?"

She died in 1935, it would take forever to explain ANYTHING "My favourite television programme..." "What's television?" "...is Allo Allo, which is a comedy set during the second World War..." "The fucking WHAT?"

Do you like tea? Do you like tanks? Assuming you said yes twice you need a tank pot. Maximum ♥️ for the Tank Museum

Having a bath before dinner

Stone Age dad moaning that we don't need the heating on yet

"Can we have some music please?" "I'll put Magic 70s on" "Brilliant! The 1270s?"

@deathofbuckley.bsky.social It's Official! metro.co.uk/2025/12/09/l...

Every now & then this country loses its fucking minds e.g. Diana, Britpop, Avatar, Avatar 2, banging saucepans with spoons for the NHS, flags, & it is all a bit embarrassing afterwards but we're not going to stop are we?

I reckon the obesity tsar might be heading in the same direction as Nicholas II if they really want to try this

Well done Norris, a shining example of how you can achieve your dreams through hard work, determination & a dad worth £200 million who can provide private tutors so you can play with your go karts p.s. please pay some tax

At some point - I suppose around 20 years ago - I ejected a VHS tape for the last time. I didn't realise it at the time but that was that for good old VHS.

England's ashes strategy seems to be: lose in as few days as possible thus defunding Cricket Australia which will eventually have a negative impact on their playing strength.

Oh very well done

Rio bellowing 'BALLON D'OR' into Trump's face until a secret service sniper takes him out

It is cheaper to buy 3 bottles of Fullers ESB in Waitrose than to buy 2

I think that's quite enough of that thank you and now it's time for cans

Biscuits Wrapped

The shower caddy I triumphantly fitted 2 months ago & which has heroically kept the cubicle floor free from shampoo etc has decided to plummet & now I understand the gravity always wins song.

Well that's that for humanity, we had a good innings

Stir halfway through AND leave it to stand for a minute?

"Mr Gullis...is currently the mayor of Kidsgrove." OH MY GOD REFORM HAVE TAKEN KIDSGROVE

The temporary traffic lights on my road have seized up, permanent red all round, continuous beeping & rage

Planning to use the 'Report Phishing' button for every attempt to engage me electronically between now and Christmas eve.

This makes me irrationally angry. Yes, Daddy Pig partially knocked down their house while trying to put up a picture but who hasn't? Fucks sake Gandy give the big guy a break

Sky showing an item about a footballer trying to help other players with problematic gambling. Every fucking Sky football programme today will be funded by gambling adverts. They don't give a shit

Time we were having a lovely beer and all that jazz

'Am I doing Black Friday?'

Coming up on Love It Or List It, Kirsty will drive a JCB through Jocasta & Monty's new kitchen while Phil writes 'paedo' on the garage door