"Open the Strait of Hormuz. You may not receive the help of any other sovereign nation. Fastest wins."

mom can you pick me up at the strait of hormuz, my friends are laughing at me and wont help

I know it’s a relatively minor part of this case, but between this and the many ICE cases, good lord someone needs to introduce legislature making it illegal not to return people to their homes when charges are dismissed!

The irritating thing about boy kibble is that what they've actually made here is boy wet food, and I'm concerned that we're no longer educating our children to know the difference.

the former host of celebrity apprentice and the former host of fox & friends weekend are launching bombs and destabilizing the world for generations all because voters decided their biggest issue was a trans kid playing jv tennis with their friends 4 states over

things every single republican president of your lifetime has done - started a war in the middle east - completely destroyed the economy

folks theyre saying the pale rider doesnt want us to break the seventh seal, theyre saying no one has the strength to handle it. what do you think folks, what do you think of that pale rider. should we do it? *crowd going absolutely ape shit* i dont know, i want to but they say I shouldnt

rip dan simmons arstechnica.com/culture/2026...

No and yes respectively, and then they would have a huge fight about it:

A billion dollars is the socio-economic equivalent of a loose nuke, and we should work to prevent the acquisition of the former with the same urgency and ruthlessness we use to prevent the acquisition of the latter.

listen to me please: you cannot defend your life from the state with a gun. if you pick up a gun and use it against the state, you will die. if you're going to advocate for armed resistance you need to understand that you are telling people to die. that may be what you mean, but say it.

(sea monster bio) You've probably seen my writhing in The Atlantic

"I have a WW1 trench knife embedded in my bedroom wall just in case. 1917 edition. More useful than a gun in close quarters."

Look, I don't know why Death's selection list has been fucked since Prince, but we're going to need an elite heist team of religious scholars, metaphysicists, occultists and a cat burglar and we're going to go fix this shit.

I'm sorry the guy changing the rules on the fly is named what

[upbeat zohran voice] I'm here at the Palace of Justice in Nuremberg, Germany, where 80 years ago some important progressive work started [smash cut] but hasn't ended. So here's what we're doing:

nice argument, unfortunately I have already depicted myself as a squared-up Ilhan Omar and you as a collapsing sewer ogre

Gotcha—let’s dig into that step by step. 1. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝗻𝗼 𝗺𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗵, because I turned you into an amorphous lump of flesh. You’re not just immobile—you’re immortal, and you feel only anguish. 2. 𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝘄𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝘀𝗰𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗺. That makes total sense—it’s a natural human impulse, and you’ve been through a lot.

I do think that a possibly underrated dynamic in The Horrors is that the Right as it has reconstituted itself under Trump legitimately can’t understand sincere moral or physical courage

Then they will strip their sleeve and show Their frostbite scars And say "These wounds I had on Fuck Ice Day"

Reposting this thread, great info to combat the useless doomerism of "Trump will cancel the midterms"

Almost every one of these "cops were disrespected by a fast food worker/barista" stories turns out to be fake or a complete overreaction/misunderstanding and sure enough: it's a drawing of a Tiktok meme called "John Pork is Calling" www.nbclosangeles.com/news/local/d...

hi, political philosopher here! this is not funny, central banks only do this when they're in extreme distress

"Ready the Away Team"

Was not expecting a Der Fuhrer's Face reference, but I guess I also wasn't expecting the need for an anti-nazi anthem to come out of retirement 80 years later in the first place...

the entire administration is making content for twitter nazis and they are convinced that those twitter nazis are genuinely representative of the vast majority of american sentiment they believe all the election conspiracies and think the country is 80-20 in their favor

Mrs. Gennaro I am for real You won't see your husband anymore He was eaten by a dinosaur

New slang for breast implants just dropped

what u have to understand is that working on my novel, answering dms, and answering emails all cost 1 spell slot but posting? Posting is a cantrip

as I learned from our discourse, the responsible thing to do is to mock JD Vance and theorize this guy was his lover

amazing how the entire machine can pivot within 24 hours. no need to slowly upsell the argument; just issue new marching orders

Time is a flat circle.

america is always bad but you have to recognize this as being a couple standard deviations out from median badness at least.

It's illegal for the president to relieve student loan debt. It's completely fine for the president to unilaterally decide to have the head of a foreign nation black bagged on foreign soil.

This person went on a buying spree over the past 24 hours. Fresh wallet. Only existed since Dec 27th and has only bet on Venezuela-related markets. polymarket.com/@0x31a56e9E6...

shel silverstein was a prophet

“Hey that looks like a pot I also have.” “HOLY SHI—“

look at how little effort it takes for someone on the conservative grievance circuit to destroy a life millions of college kids have half assed an assignment at the last minute, you eat the F and move on but the effort to push trans people out of public life will use whatever it can get

wow

if bari weiss had tried to do 9/11 there'd be three towers now

One upside of that Odyssey trailer dropping is discovering that Homer has an IMDb page.

me seeing an article about the 25 Hottest and Most Popular Celebrities: haha who are any of these people? me seeing a screenshot of a horrible post by CeleriusAvignon8888, Based Viscount of the New Bayesian Duchy of Pure Reason: oh it's this fuckin guy again

This song rules and now I kind of want an “alto part of All I Want For Christmas” style video for the background vocal that’s just screeching the high note

Nemesis by Shriekback is one of my favourite tracks of all time www.youtube.com/watch?v=6bMM...

The random detail I’m most interested in from those Vanity Fair screenshots going around is the part where they only use a partial quote to refer to her calling Elon “an ‘avowed ketamine’ user” — really curious what her original word choice was!

Christmas night: "But Santa, you've hardly touched your Zardoz cookies."