i’m sorry but ‘literally died of hard heartedness’ is the most hack writing yet in an already weak season

i know you’re looking for it. here she is, girls. here she is, world

at the "Matt and Bird Break Loose" stage of the madness tbh

yeah i mean my worst colleagues didn't start wars though, they were mostly just rude in emails or things like that

big week for the Graham Reaper

scrolled back through a bsky feed of metaphorical crab raves to find that the VERY next post after I went to bed last night was the first mention of Lindsey Graham, how'd I manage that

lindsey graham won't see your jokes and memes because he got diarrhea and is in hell now, but someone writing an op-ed titled "the left's problem with manners" might. So make them really funny.

Waking up to realize there is at least one Etsy witch out there who has both great power and terrible aim.

It’s like when your food is taking a long time to come out so your server brings some free bread to apologize for the wait.

"Eucalyptus in Faceted Glass" (2023)

it’s time to do the time machine plan ⏰

What a good rainbow kitten

Palm Springs was released on this day in 2020 🌴

genuine question: what do you like about any/all of the concerts you've attended?

Punishment Park on 4th of July, Citizen Kane in theaters #LetterboxdFriday #LastFourWatched

Letterbox is the best social media app because it’s 99% finding cool new movies from friends and 1% like a Free Willy Stan gets mad at you

all cats are beautiful but imo nina ribena is one of the most beautiful

We should invent a kind of canceling where the guy goes away

surgeon general standing in front of a huge table with a detailed miniature hospital on it, using a big stick to move little surgeons around

Pictures from a friend of mine who works on a crab-fishing boat off the coast of Newfoundland. I love the nightmare crab door.

Unfortunately, a stunned Paris is how they all got into this whole mess to begin with

when i was young they had these people called “investigative journalists” who could find out stuff like if a senator was dead or not

I don’t understand how people can run for office knowing they have insane baggage and/or crimes. Like I spent the entire campaign expecting AIPAC to somehow dig up my middle school livejournal fanfic account. I prepared my family for it. I’m still amazed it didn’t happen.

Losing my mind at this Murder, She Wrote promo

The early days of the internet truly were a different time. Chatrooms; personal websites; creatures called Digimon, born from data, who became our dear friends and cherished companions; ebaum’s world

I keep forgetting I changed my display name and then seeing it again and giggling

fucksake

We’ve entered the period of the evening when I can’t tell whether the “it’s all over now” vagueposts are about Platner, the USMNT or McConnell.

imagine if they fired every band member every time an album came out

I keep seeing pictures of the Palantir man, who looks like Taika Waititi's Waluigi

sorry, i'm fully booked (watching movies)

They put Independence Day on the 4th of July in order to co-opt popular Roman PTO that was already there. Independence was actually declared some time in April.

Choose a cartoon puppy to adopt!

I think everyone should know that Nick Offerman has learned the name of every backstage crew member on this production and calls us all by our names every time he sees any of us - and even sometimes by full names and work titles if he knows them. He’s a delight.

This was slapped on a bus station and I’ve been laughing at it all morning

no problem ever in warm sun

In a just world, Cynthia Rothrock would be 10x as famous as Steven Segal and Chuck Norris combined.

[whispering to paramedic before I pass out] save me but not enough that I have to go to work tomorrow

DNF Titane because of my own hangups DID watch and then immediately rewatch NtBtStM Not pictured: a rewatch of To Wong Foo in theaters last weekend #LetterboxdFriday #LastFourWatched

What a guy

It is the dawn of a new era. Hear our battle anthem. Welcome to the new InfoWars.

spent so long training myself on reading MTG correct that now I keep thinking Taylor Swift is getting married at Magic Sa Gathering

IMPORTANT LINGUISTICS RESEARCH QUESTION what's your favourite bouba/kiki meme?

hey is the word “eliminate” good when they’re talking about You. just wondering

if you say "moses supposes his toeses are roses, but moses supposes..." to the lads they holler back "ERRONEOUSLY!" beastie boys style it's incredible

this doesn't even have the full context which makes it funnier