bagel Sunday

if the government in Disclosure Day had caught E.T, they were gonna put him in a box and shake it up just to see what would happen

I’m in a greeting card aisle at CVS and can I say something? She is mean for no reason.

The existence of any kind of trillionaire is a deep societal failure (insult to injury that it’s the guy that it is)

this would be me the day after Disclosure Day

going into a 7-11 before a movie and the candy here is nearly as expensive as it is at the theaters. I’m reaching my “oh that does it” point.

had a dream I went to a concert where the performing act was the monolith from 2001 A Space Odyssey simply appearing out of nowhere and the audience was booing it. woke myself up laughing

going to see Disclosure Day during an active tornado warning

Kingdom Hearts 4

Gonna be real, Ocarina of Time feels small in scope when considering where the Zelda franchise would eventually go, and I'm not like over the moon that they're going back to that well for a remake. it was perfectly befitting for something like 3DS.

This morning and only this morning, If you go to Dunkin and tell them “Nintendo Direct these donuts into my mouth!” they will put a free donut in your mouth, but you have to open it for them.

Last night I went to an advanced screening of Disclosure Day. After the movie, an alien came out as a surprise. But most of the audience booed him.

Time to update the SpongeBob theme song to remove the children screaming his name. We are all well aware of who lives in a pineapple under the sea.

“Dirty soda? Dirty soda? Yeah I gotcha dirty soda. Coming right up.” (loud spit noise)

I love r/boxoffice because you’ll only ever get responses like this underneath “Mario Galaxy Movie Crosses $1 Billion Worldwide”

been thinkin a lot today

I just really enjoy when a pitch has too much lore in it. archive.org/details/doug...

Was at a restaurant and old woman at a table next to us was loudly telling her friend about how her son “was there, but he didn’t really do anything” and I did the Matt Johnson watching the Hangover in 2008 face when it clicked that she was talking about January 6th

The tragedy of a misogynist who wants to wolf whistle, but doesn’t know how

I feel like Netflix statistics are some of the most cooked up on the industry because once in a blue moon you have a genuine phenomenon like K Pop Demon Hunters lumped in with something like this that amounts to “parents putting this on for their 3 year old 5 times a day”

Talk Tuah podcast would probably still be going strong if she hadn't done that memecoin fraud. bet she'd be telling an anecdote about stumbling into a backroom once and it being "a hoot and a half"

The good: Chicagoland finally has an imax 70mm theater again, so no more going to Indiana The bad: only showtime I could get is the one so late, they had to give me the Sleepy Boy warning

imagining a 14 year old reading a novelization of Backrooms because they’re not allowed to see it in theaters

Important executive: before we begin, can someone swat that damn bug? Guy who made a wish to be a fly on the wall:

surgeries in 2035 to remove microplastics from your body and they let you go home with the statue they made out of them

every now and then I think about the fact that a Pinky and the Brain spin-off nobody involved wanted to work on actually had the lyrics "It's what the network wants. Why bother to complain?" baked into its theme song

(Austin Powers game tutorial level) Austin: Wait a tick. When’s the last time I opened my shag bag? Basil: Good thinking, Austin! Why not press ⭕️ and check your inventory? Austin: I do pride myself in pressing the right buttons, don’t I? YEAH, BABY.

I fundamentally disagree

I asked my adult son (who I hate) to help me clean out the basement. He kept pointing to the walls going “feel like I’m in the backrooms here” and took pictures of himself pointing to the wall. It’s not a back room. It’s a basement!

Made this shirt and Ebert loves it

Backrooms episode of Aqua Teen Hunger Force would have been great. Shake would love it in there.

every email reminding me about switching to a new student loan plan just has me feeling like we should have been angrier about the blanket forgiveness being shot down. kind of crazy that the small handful of judges that put up those barriers just carried on

just a heads up to anyone going to the Pokemon exhibit at the Field Museum, they have people dressed up as Team Rocket going around telling you "We're here to steal Pokemon, but if you don't have Pokemon, we steal cash too" and they don't leave until you give them money

I would put Paul F. Tompkins as Bobby's clowning teacher in King of the Hill as one of the greatest guest stars in voice acting of all time

You know a creative is done for when they start to mention “AI” and “tool” in the same sentence

there's a male loneliness epidemic and most women don't even care how hard it is to be your own man when your dad is Jabba the Hutt

highlighted review for a cafe on Google Maps

incredibly based minnesota

someone in Trump’s immediate circle telling him they never got their return on investment in Solar Freakin’ Roadways in 2015 so he can open an investigation

Always thought these paintings were a mid-20th-century thing. Non-zero chance people went down on the Titanic having knowledge of Dogs Playing Poker

this screams “recently divorced”

damn, i feel like a real sucker for waiting on Joe Biden's promised student loan relief instead of simply committing a felony

Don’t recommend seeing Mandalorian and Grogu on opening weekend. During the credits, they teach you how to do “The Grogu” (the little dance he does throughout the movie) and everyone got up in the aisles to dance. I just stood around awkwardly for ten minutes waiting to get out.

Commencement speaker: I love AI and I hate all of you. They gave me a big check to be here. I love firing people at my big company. I bet none of you would get jobs at my business now that we have AI (booing) Commencement speaker: oh? What? What?