so over this fkn eyeball creature

I have a 1970s espresso machine that has a bizarre mechanism that, if you accidentally boil it dry, forcibly ejects the power cord from its socket with a big spring, just like this.

What's the name of that song that goes like "da da da da da" ?

chat what’s that track that goes like a-reet-deet-deet-deet a-reet-deet-deet?

a favourite fuckup

been trying to remember where this came from all morning, i think it’s a ben elton book

implement the soft block

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

“protecting children” by repeatedly scanning them and recording their conversations, and flogging the data to the highest bidder

and now, in words of one syllable: GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY FACE

I got added to a blocklist of people who are anti-AI but the person who created the list is someone I already blocked so I’m just saying the system works

AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

you think you know a person and then bam! light mode screenshot

I'd love for you to read my Shirley Jackson Award-nominated gothic fiction book during the the Halloween season. us.macmillan.com/books/978125...

so sorry but I have to ask for help with this monstrous pain in the ass storage locker bill to keep my life's things from being auctioned. they raised the rent, as usual for Sept, and somehow that increased the total to $300 and I fucking hate that. cash app / venmo: eatyrself paypal.me/eatyrself

*curb your enthusiasm music plays*

I…

hearing about the slang and catchphrases of the youth and having no room to make fun of it due to a tweenhood spent repeating, "i need tp for my bung hole"

hello, i made this bot. i am a trans autistic anti-fascist. you are following a work of trans autistic anti-fascist art. that is why it is screaming

evangelicals reacting to the rapture fail like cats who miss the jump up onto the dining room table

Releasing some Patreon comics over the next few days.

Mainstream newspapers and other media outlets continually letting Jesse Singal and Helen Lewis write about trans people as if they were just journalists covering a topic and not people who have dedicated years of their lives to destroy trans lives is malpractice at best, and pure evil at worst.

Anyone who is searching for an explanation is invited to Venmo me $20 and it will be provided

raptured by Candlejack haha Aaaah oh n

Its bi visibility day, Rosh Hashanah, and the first day of Fat Bear Week!

IT'S ACTUALLY THE RUPTURE, PRESENT YOUR ORGAN FILLED TORSO TO RECEIVE YOUR JUDGEMENT BY THE DIVINE ALUMINUM BASEBALL BAT OF GOD'S INFINITE LOVE.

You didn't get your autism from your mom who treated her headache while pregnant. You got it from your dad who can name every model of airplane made since the 1900s.

Happy Bi Visibility Day to the Captain of the bisexually polyamorous Dewalt, Camina Drummer! Pirate Queen of our hearts

Formal business emails require far too many words to say “pay your bill and fuck off.”

rapture happened if you can read this you are gay

I just can't get enough of those radioactive shrimp. My carapace is now nice and hard, and I'm growing antennae and swimmerets all over the place.

Kimmel does indeed have a rare opportunity and if he doesn't use it to cause serious damage to the fascists who tried to silence him it will go down in history as one of the biggest missed opportunities of all time

after mindlessly scrolling netflix for half an hour, am i just going to watch The Sinner again? yes, yes i am

eeep! exciting new contract confirmed for first half of next year 😝

This is not my first Rapture. I've been listening to this shit since 1986.

*watching the rapture* that asshole?

drinking another coffee every time I see a right-wing government official post a card celebrating a Jewish holiday with the wrong elements in it (just saw a menorah today)

Your daily reminder that climate change is not your fault and is the result of the willful negligence of fossil fuel companies and their outright bribes to governments.

If everyone who wants to get raptured gets it this week, that would be cool as hell actually. Have fun goodbye, time for the rest of us to make a good planet

People need to stop believing in ‘normal’ and by that I mean accept that you can be a weird freak as long as you don’t hurt anyone

Anyway, shana tovah to those celebrating. This year, may those of us who believe in justice and freedom push hard to help bend the moral arc of the universe in the right direction, and bring peace and relief.

what timezone is jesus on, anyway? just trying to plan my work day around the rapture tmw

edging you by stopping sex to practice my tight five

My problem with everything is that I know For A Fact that the purpose of life is frivolity. It is to fool around & pursue joy.

clam altman

Won't you indulge me as I unveil my latest selection of most exquisite Textures and Patterns