“BEEEER”

Out: Baby Yoda In: Barely Legal Yoda

“Hey kids, it’s Dad, I’ve just been crashing out hard and need a few bumps of K to get me to the end of the week if you have any hookups,” wrote Elon Musk, who was said to be pale and shaking as he frantically typed out the requests to his children

There a more Grogus. One for every ethnicity and nationality.

“so what’s your take?” “the city of New York must pay me $1 million cash in the next hour and I will kill one person for every minute they are late” “100% disagree”

Is baby yoda capable of consent?

The Brakrooms "Yeah, buddy!"

🎵When you’re alone, and life is making you lonely, you can always go… DUNE 2

People should spit on this guy.

Boss Nass arrives at the Met Gala

ass too juicy

I tried to watch Leaving Neverland but accidentally watched Finding Neverland instead.

I will never forget the experience of seeing LEAVING NEVERLAND at its Sundance premiere. For @avclub.com I wrote about a devastating, definitive documentary about surviving sexual abuse that cannot be erased.

Neutrality is the providence of cowards. PICK A SIDE, MILK HOTEL

I always get Luka Doncic and The Rizzler mixed up.

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

me every time i learn about a celebrity against my will

Why my bellybutton stink?

BOTH my cats know when they hear me blasting Sail by AWOLNATION, shits about to get serious.

i can only hope that if I was a Bimbofied Husband i too would have a wife who loves & supports me & sucks on my comically enormous fake tits

Welp, I finally killed Chuck Norris.

Don’t let those goddamn ballet and opera nerds win

if you don’t think tonight is when hollywood’s biggest stars come out to shine, eat shit and go fuck yourself

Don’t like to share stuff from X here, but this is the best take on SONG SUNG BLUE.

I’m worried that my cat is a gooner.

AI actress Tilly Norwood has tragically passed away while filming her first movie with director A Hologram of John Landis

1976: there are three tv channels 2001: there are hundreds of tv channels 2026: there are three tv channels

If I was an ice skating judge, I would deduct points for crying.

Heights be wuthering.

AI is probably super impressive if you're an idiot.

I rarely do this, but I’m hoping I maybe have enough of a following here that someone can help: I need to get in contact with Donkey Kong. It’s urgent

call me "woke" or whatever but I think the Superbowl should have less football and more dancing latinas

There has never been a worse block of Super Bowl ads than that run of Dunkin, Crypto and Kinder Bueno.

That Dunkin ad was when I realized we are living in hell

No Kings includes Draft Kings

We gotta go back to movie stars feeling ashamed to appear in commercials.

This gay hockey show could use some titties.

this class just found out they're going to see Melania 🥹

What’s the name of that song about wet ass pussies?

no greenlander ever called me a libtard

What have I become My Swedish Chef

Scenes during the end credits that are permissible are: bloopers (à la Burt Reynolds), stunts gone wrong during the shoot (à la Jackie Chan) or extra stuff in a comedy (like Spinal Tap). Otherwise: roll credits and let us go home if we want to leave

One of the main things I appreciate about LA is that going anywhere, at any time, in any way, is a horrifying ordeal

Can’t believe he said this, seems somewhat disrespectful

🕯️My cousin Brian passed away last night. After a courageous 3 wk stint with ICE. He slipped on a fellow agent’s frozen peepee puddle & somersaulted many times in the air, yelling “yabbada yabbada yabbada” & tragically aspirating (a different) agent’s pee he’d been gargling. He hated women🇺🇸💔

You notice how thousands and thousands of cops aren't coming out to condemn Jonathan Ross for senselessly killing Renee Good? This is what people mean by "all cops are bastards". If this were any other profession, the entire group would condemn it. With cops it's the reverse, they all justify it.