Under communism, there will not be a "potato" button on the microwave. Potato button is not needed. Potato button is not wanted. Thanks to the theories of Karl Marx, we can finally be rid of it.

I could never date someone younger because I would not be able to discuss with them the trials and tribulations, which were ultimately overcome, by Xena the Warrior Princess and her faithful platonic companion Gabrielle.

"Humans are naturally selfish" - some right winger trying to justify capitalism, when talking about the most cooperative mammal to ever exist, by far.

Utilitarianism and Its Enemies existentialcomics.com/comic/653

Nature did not design mankind to stare at screens indoors all day. We are made to struggle for the bounty of the earth. To follow the herds north and kill for our meat. To make love in cold nights as we ponder the stars. Luckily we rebelled against nature. That would suck. Screens are way better.

Turing Test 2.0 existentialcomics.com/comic/652

In light in these events, I do think we need more gun control. Anyone off the street shouldn't be able to just walk in and buy a gun. There should be MANDATORY marksmanship lessons for all gun owners.

Something instead of nothing

True wisdom is know when to shut the fuck up. And that time is always.

Good news everyone, I've created an advanced AI that can replace 90% of the managers in tech companies: #! /bin/bash echo "have more meetings where all the engineers stop working and say out loud the status of their Jira tickets.\n" exit 0;

I will NEVER respect Canada because they implemented democracy without shooting any British. You should ALWAYS shoot at least a few British before holding your first vote.

Mazdak Creates Utopia existentialcomics.com/comic/651

Look, I'll be the first to admit I'm no marketing wiz, but I feel like drinking and driving just aren't a natural pairing for cross promotion. I've got a gut feeling on that one.

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

I never understood how they are always predicting "flying cars" in the future. Like, what the fuck do you think a helicopter is?

False. Infinite suffering is a countable infinity, and infinitely preventing suffering is an uncomfortable infinity (no I will not elaborate).

Boo Murder! existentialcomics.com/comic/650

No teachings from Science, philosophy, or religion will ever instruct on life's deepest mysteries (how to make the cat shut the fuck up).

One big problem the United States has with overthrowing countries in the Middle East is that their populations will fight to the end to protect their civilization, whereas Americans will give up immediately if our Flamin' Hot Doritos™ go up in price by 10 percent.

[waking up from my nap to check if World War III has started, before going back to sleep] Nice. Very sane and normal time to be alive.

There is one checkout lane at the supermarket labeled "family friendly" which is mysterious. There is no physical difference, so the difference must be only in the mind. The cashiers in the other lanes, it must be assumed, despise children, ever wishing for us to be the last to walk to the Earth.

Machiavelli and the Veil of Ignorance existentialcomics.com/comic/649

Ah, but since you "don't care" you must know what "caring" is, right? You must be able to rigorously define all the things you do and do not care about, wouldn't you say? Let me ask you something…

I googled how to tell if something is a spider bite and came across this fantastic diagnostic criteria. I've created an illustrated guide in case anyone else needs help.

I'm sick of this account grandstanding about politics. Come on man, are you going to tell us what kind of hem we need to successfully complete our bimboification look or not??

Reason and Passion - existentialcomics.com/comic/648

Imagine being an American Soldier and dying just so Trump can make the Iranians...uh, just so in Iran we can...you know...whatever Trump is trying to accomplish exactly. I think they are mostly mad that they won't let us open up McDonald's and stuff in their country.

"You are being too emotional, just look at things rationally." – someone who thinks their emotional desires are more important than yours.

Funniest joke from each decade: 2000s: some guys are hungover. 1990s: an Eastern European man doesn't give you soup. 1980s: a man with a lisp says the word "marriage" 1970s: a knight bangs two coconuts together. 1960s: what if we nuked the USSR by mistake lol. 1950s: I hate my wife.

Will someone tell this fucking idiot that they already finished making Uber? The app is done my dude. It works. You made $10 billion dollars last year. Time to stop sowing and start reaping, and maybe let your employees take a vacation, or hug their child on the weekend or something once in a while.

I gazed into the abyss, and the abyss just walked right past me, pretending not to see. What the fuck.

Kids these days are so lazy. They just do everything with apps. Order food with apps. Socialize with apps. Find girlfriend with apps. Back in my day you had to boot up your whole computer and log into a website to do that stuff.

Aquinas on Sex - existentialcomics.com/comic/647

Nerd culture is funny because it fooled an entire generation into thinking that if you liked sci-fi and disliked sports, that somehow made you smart.

It feels like now would be a really bad time for the Sea Peoples to make a comeback.

2006 internet: reading the List of Fatal Shark Attacks Wikipedia page. 2026 internet: reading the List of Fatal Shark Attacks Wikipedia page, but there are 19 more entries because sharks have killed more people since then.

AI actually is causing a lot of unemployment in tech. Not because it has been able to successfully replace anyone's job, but because the big tech companies are all gambling so much on becoming trillionaires that they have to throw tens of thousands of workers into unemployment to pay for it.

Democracy is when the United States picks who runs your country.

Kantian Milk - existentialcomics.com/comic/646

I would say that one of the big downsides of living the good life, that philosophers don't often talk about, is that it really dampens your ability to whine. Whining and complaining, which is one of the greatest joys of human existence, is tragically robbed from us almost entirely.

Possible solution to the Strait of Hormuz?

I know AI isn't conscious because it can listen to an entire meeting on a Friday afternoon without zoning out and thinking about the weekend even once.

When someone says "God works in mysterious ways" I assume that the field of Mathematics is considered mysterious to this person.

If Iran blows up Mark Zuckerberg and Jeff Bezos I promise you here and now that I WILL convert to Islam and join the Butlerian Jihad.

I would say that in retrospect Microsoft's Clippy wasn't so bad. He gave some pretty great tips on how to write a memo. He didn't destroy the environment by consuming more energy than most countries. He didn't help bomb any countries. All in all, C- to B+ range, realistically.

By the way, if someone is serving for the United States military, it is a bit old fashioned to say "thank you for your service", perhaps try instead: "you are a traitor to the human race."

The only permanent solution to toxic misogyny is to genetically engineer an apex race of "super gays" to rebalance the ecosystem. I will NOT be elaborating on this plan of action. Thank you for the consideration.

In an open and free society, the State or media owners knowingly propagating lies should be be considered exactly the same as them censoring the truth. Freedom of speech is the freedom to openly debate the truth, not the freedom to control media to subvert it.

Either/Or Bandit - existentialcomics.com/comic/645

Yes, I do believe that if the Vikings had the technology to build the electric guitar, then they would have discovered heavy metal and easily conquered the planet. I'm not sure why this is considered "controversial".