The best thing about philosophy is that all the great philosophers in history were basically wrong about almost everything, so there's really not that much pressure to be right.

Hobbes vs Anarchism existentialcomics.com/comic/640

Human bodies are so stupid. Like...why do I have to feel like shit just because I drank too much and didn't get enough sleep for like 15 years straight??

Great how whenever the cops gun someone down we have to have a whole public trial about whether or not they were a bad person, when that's very much what actual trials are for. You can be the worst person in the country and the cops still can't just shoot you. Trials are not really a minor detail.

It's funny when conservatives describe themselves as "God fearing". Are you bro? Because it seems to me you aren't nearly afraid enough. You believe in a God that'll torture you eternally for sucking a dick. What does He think of ethnic cleansing? You just may want to skim the rulebook again, bro.

Diogenes: Master of Philosophy existentialcomics.com/comic/639

What is truly so jarring about liberal elites like Hillary Clinton is just how boundlessly greedy they are. Imagine being 78 years old, with a net worth of 10s of millions, and thinking "what I need to do is shill for Saudi Real Estate for a bit of cash" instead of just going fishing or whatever.

Even Hobbes, the most notoriously pro authoritarian government philosopher in history, who thought you had to obey even the worst government because it was better than no government, said that if your government just starts killing you, you don't have a social contact. You don't have a government.

Now more than ever, America needs its own Maximilien Robespierre.

We unironically should do "White Lives Matter" protests. These Nazi freaks think they can kill anyone who doesn't want to join their race war. It's time for normal people to pick a side.

i do genuinely think we need to jail every single person currently working for ICE

If I were Denmark I would simply agree to sell Greenland to Trump, take his money, then put up a sign that says: "Greenland ➡️". And have it point to a tunnel which I have cleverly painted onto a wall.

Young Hegelians vs Old Hegelians existentialcomics.com/comic/638

Masculinity is based on a point system. For example, you want to: lift weights, punch stuff, be hairy, be angry, use chainsaws, deep voice, etc. You add them up, and that's how manly you are. Anyway, the point is you can suck as much dick as you want, so you long you punch stuff in equal measure.

The man who designed all dishwashers (a racist): "I will make the holes on the silverware rack small enough so people THINK they can put chopsticks in it, but large enough that they fall through 10% of the time."

The NFL is the greatest sport on earth, because it's the only sport where you can watch Aaron Rodgers lose. Watching Aaron Rodgers lose is the best thing in sports.

So much respect for the NFL players that wear those dork ass extra pads on their helmets. Imagine being brave enough to look that stupid just because you "want your brain to still work into your 50s."

The Invention of Anarchism - existentialcomics.com/comic/637

"Abolish ICE" is now the moderate position. The left position is to abolish ICE, and give all that money to revolutionary guard of leftist thugs, who roam rural America kidnapping and shooting people who use the wrong pronouns.

You notice how thousands and thousands of cops aren't coming out to condemn Jonathan Ross for senselessly killing Renee Good? This is what people mean by "all cops are bastards". If this were any other profession, the entire group would condemn it. With cops it's the reverse, they all justify it.

The frightening realization that a lot of people believe that AI is intelligent because they don't really understand things either. They just sort of repeat what other people say, and the more often it is said, the more true it must be. Hence, the computer is thinking just like humans do.

A core conservative belief is that the cops can gun down anyone they want to on the street, based on vibes. Meanwhile, they call socialists "authoritarian".

Billionaire ideology is so funny. There are guys alive right now who had $2 billion in 2010, and have like $50 billion today, who somehow think that the entire economy will collapse if we tax them $1 billion out of the $50 billion.

Calling for the people of Venezuela to have a free and fair election to decide the next leader of ExxonMobil.

Confucius vs Qin Shi Huang existentialcomics.com/comic/636

Expect to see a lot of this classic Onion headline, from 23 years ago, over the coming weeks.

If you want to spread democracy, start with your workplace.

The United States will spend years manufacturing consent for a war by bombarding us with relentless propaganda about some foreign country that has never done anything to us, 80% of the population will still be against it, and then they'll just invade them anyway.

If you just stand outside on a street corner with a sign that says "no war but a class war" you will be morally correct 99% of the time over the Harvard educated ghouls that works at the elite liberal media institutions.

Huge day for sensibles to declare that actually international law does not apply if they think a guy has bad vibes on here for some reason.

Had to put down my cat last night, but it gives me solace that he died doing what he loves (trying to bite the vet). I do not wish for him to rest in peace, for peace was not in his heart so long as there was injustice (the aforementioned vet, dogs existing, etc) May he battle forever in Valhalla.

Things like student loan debt is great, because it puts workers into massive debt before going into the workforce, which gives capitalists leverage over us. But really it doesn't go far enough. We should just be born with debt. Babies have been getting off scot-free for far too long.

My resolution for the New Year is to attack and dethrone God.

Accents in movies set in the past are so funny. For example, absolutely everyone agrees that the ancient Romans spoke in upperclass English accents. That's just a fact at this point.

Platonic Advertising - existentialcomics.com/comic/635

oh shit you guys oh no

Stupidity and the Progress of Human Civilization existentialcomics.com/comic/634

The solution the "male loneliness epidemic" for all the lonely men to get huskies. You cannot be lonely with a husky howling at you because he wants to go for a walk. That's just solid facts and logic.

And then Sisyphus was like "hey, at least I don't have to go to that many meetings."

One day humanity will invent a way to look inside the avocado. To see what lies within without the knife. This will be the Last Creation, for all technology and knowledge will at that time come to a conclusion, as we will have reached our ultimate goal, and can rest at last.

I love the Theranos woman because she (correctly) deduced that you only need two things to get billions of dollars in investment money from silicon valley venture capitalists: - one (1) turtleneck - lies

Anarchism has some problems as a theoretical framework, but its basic formula of: - no masters above - no servants below - chuck a bomb at the czar every once in a while Almost never fails to be correct.

Speak for yourself, I'm not running out of ideas. In fact, just last week I came up with the idea of buying like sixteen identical TV remotes, so I can lose a bunch around the house and still not run out.

Whenever I see a couple where one person is super hot, and the other is just normal looking, I always get angry. This is wrong. It is not only against the laws of God, but defies human reason and Science. Hotties with the hotties. This is the way.

Aristotle on Democracy existentialcomics.com/comic/633

I'm not normally religious, but I will say a short prayer to whatever dork ass God that Philip Rivers believes in to let his passes fly far and straight and his ACLs stay strong and mighty.

If I were communist dictator of the United States, I would immediately abolish the military, and spend all that money on developing soccer talent instead. Then, after we win like twelve World Cups in a row, the world will hate us even more than when we were bombing everyone.

Nah, this is a horrible take. Cars can be limited, but not to the speed limit. They need to limit them to 5 mph faster than the speed limit. Then set all the speed limits to 5 mph below how fast they really want you to go, so we still get to *feel* like we are speeding, which is all we are asking.

Look, the keyboard people need to just accept that I never want to turn off numlock. I don't even know what the buttons do when it is off. No one does. Big Keyboard is pushing numlock on the entire population against their will. To what end? We can only speculate.