The solution the "male loneliness epidemic" for all the lonely men to get huskies. You cannot be lonely with a husky howling at you because he wants to go for a walk. That's just solid facts and logic.

And then Sisyphus was like "hey, at least I don't have to go to that many meetings."

One day humanity will invent a way to look inside the avocado. To see what lies within without the knife. This will be the Last Creation, for all technology and knowledge will at that time come to a conclusion, as we will have reached our ultimate goal, and can rest at last.

I love the Theranos woman because she (correctly) deduced that you only need two things to get billions of dollars in investment money from silicon valley venture capitalists: - one (1) turtleneck - lies

Anarchism has some problems as a theoretical framework, but its basic formula of: - no masters above - no servants below - chuck a bomb at the czar every once in a while Almost never fails to be correct.

Speak for yourself, I'm not running out of ideas. In fact, just last week I came up with the idea of buying like sixteen identical TV remotes, so I can lose a bunch around the house and still not run out.

Whenever I see a couple where one person is super hot, and the other is just normal looking, I always get angry. This is wrong. It is not only against the laws of God, but defies human reason and Science. Hotties with the hotties. This is the way.

Aristotle on Democracy existentialcomics.com/comic/633

I'm not normally religious, but I will say a short prayer to whatever dork ass God that Philip Rivers believes in to let his passes fly far and straight and his ACLs stay strong and mighty.

If I were communist dictator of the United States, I would immediately abolish the military, and spend all that money on developing soccer talent instead. Then, after we win like twelve World Cups in a row, the world will hate us even more than when we were bombing everyone.

Nah, this is a horrible take. Cars can be limited, but not to the speed limit. They need to limit them to 5 mph faster than the speed limit. Then set all the speed limits to 5 mph below how fast they really want you to go, so we still get to *feel* like we are speeding, which is all we are asking.

Look, the keyboard people need to just accept that I never want to turn off numlock. I don't even know what the buttons do when it is off. No one does. Big Keyboard is pushing numlock on the entire population against their will. To what end? We can only speculate.

I bet the first person who invented the wheel was really annoying to be around. Probably wheeling everything around all the time, showing off. Asking everyone how much easier it is to transport their pelts now. I respect their contribution to society, but I'm glad I wasn't around to see it.

One of the most casually insane things about America is that there will be security guards at the grocery store or whatever who have guns. Like dude...under what circumstance are you going to start blasting? If I steal a corn dog this dude is going to gun me down in the street?? Come on.

Controversial opinion, but Spain should rebuild her mighty Armada and have one more go at England.

There are inherent structural problems with the very nature of our existence that lead us to inevitably despair. For example, it is a very bad idea to play with swords when you are drunk. But on the other hand, when you are sober you just don't really want to play with swords, if I'm honest.

Apparently Facebook has spent $70 billion on the metaverse, and I hate to break it to them, but I gotta admit I don't really know what it is? Something to do with virtual meetings?? Either way I'm pretty sure most of the money was embezzled.

Philosophy in a Foxhole - existentialcomics.com/comic/632

Me, when one of my posts gets over 1000 likes.

How to become a smart person: Step one: recognize how stupid everyone else is. Step two: recognize how stupid you are. Step three, and this is the real clincher: actually read some fucking books once in a while.

Performing highly Advanced Misogyny by referring to non binary people as "the gentlest sex".

Younger people who didn't witness it cannot fathom the hype around the Segway. Every news station agreed it would revolutionize the entire social fabric of the Earth. That all future humans would divide history between the savage days of the past, and the soon to be new era of zoom zoom scoot scoot.

I think all men should lift weights, because it not only alters your body, but also your mind (makes you notice other dude's physiques like a thousand times more).

The one positive thing that Gamers can bring to politics is their trademark "being a huge entitled baby who expects everything to be given to them" attitude. We pay taxes. We should expect our government to do things for us.

In philosophy, something is considered "self evident" when everyone agrees that it is true, but no one can figure out why.

The Dread Pirate Robert Nozick - existentialcomics.com/comic/631

Fun historical fact: Richard the Lionheart was French and Gay. No joke here, actually, he literally was. He didn't even speak English and only went to England like once, because he was too busy in France having gay sex with French kings.

The IT manager at my new job is absolutely hulked out to the max. Muscles on top of muscles. It makes me feel very secure because I know that if all else fails, he can always Punch the Computer.

How to deal with your conservative relatives at Thanksgiving: - keep to non controversial topics, like who should own the means of production - focus on common ground, like how left communism is an infantile disorder - remind them that Stalin was trapped in a game of realpolitik, and had few options

What I don't get about American history is during the Revolutionary War period everyone was named things like "John Adams". But when the Civil War comes around everyone is named things like "Jedediah Hotchkiss" and "Ambrose Burnside". Then we just went back to normal names? What was going on??

Oh really? "they/them" pronouns are woke? Did you know "they/them" comes from Old Norse, whereas "he/she" come from old English? They/them are the pronouns of Vikings. Would you call Sweyn Forkbeard "woke"? And Eric Bloodaxe? Woke too? And I suppose even Ivar the Boneless was woke. Get real.

Aliens and the End of Philosophy - existentialcomics.com/comic/630

Aristotle: humans are the rational animal. Humans: lol okay buddy, we'll see about that.

I really hate how American Christianity has basically just turned into white nationalism. That's not what Christian is supposed to be about. It's supposed to be about going to church so you can gossip about your neighbors, and being weird about sex.

In a way Trump and Mamdani are similar. They are both populists fighting against the elite, it's just who they see as "the elite" differs. Mamdani sees the elite as the billionaires who control the economic, political, and social systems of society. Trump sees the elite as people who read books.

AI Socrates - existentialcomics.com/comic/629

My most conservative opinion? That we should go back to the old name for the common kestrel.

In an ideal society the leaders would be the wisest and most virtuous of people. In a less than ideal society they would be chosen more or less at random, as by chance. In our actual society, they are... well I'm not sure exactly how to describe it, but let's just say we are "totally fucked".

If I were Lord Emperor of America I would simply design an economic system where housing price do NOT rise faster than salaries always and forever.

Sorry, but if the Republican party is going to start on the whole "making fine distinctions between pedofiles and ephebophiles" then they have to ALSO go back to the Gold Standard. No one knows why, but those are the rules.

It's kind of funny how close q-anon was to uncovering a secret pedo ring amongst the world's elite. They really just missed. They only made one minor mistake which was their iron clad rule of "the more racist you are the less you are a pedo" didn't hold water in the end.

Meanwhile, on twitter, did you know that Mary Shelley never could have written Frankenstein (which is about magnets as you know) because her boyfriend was really into magnets? In fact, when you think about it, that's why women in general don't write great literature (chicks aren't into magnets).

Schopenhauer vs A Child with Candy - existentialcomics.com/comic/628

The irony of conspiracy theorists is, of course, that they are the most easily manipulated people on the planet. For, having no standards of evidence whatsoever, they can be led by the nose to believe anything – so long as it isn't true.

Mankind no longer fears the spirits that dwell in the deepest forests. We have lost our respect for those who came before us, who watch us still with eyes not of this realm. We have forgotten what our ancestors knew by instinct: the world is to be feared, not understood. all because of woke...

All the Republicans saying stuff like "I GUESS NYC FINALLY FORGOT 9/11!!" is so funny. Apparently "never forget" was always just supposed to mean "we will be extra racists to middle easterners forever." Maybe I'm naive but I thought it had something to do with remembering the victims? Guess not.

good morning specifically to the FBI agent who introduced Mamdani’s dad to Marx

Mamdanigrad (formerly New York City), will stand as a shining example to the world of what is possible when the workers unite, and crush the bourgeois class with an iron fist (mild increase in minimum wage, free buses, etc).

Guy who has $300 million dollars, but will only have $330 million at the end of Mamdani's term (he might have had $340 million if Cuomo was elected): "This is the biggest disaster in history. This is communism. Stalinism even. I have no choice but to become a fascist."

Daylight savings time reveals just how much we rely on the government to tell us when to go to bed and wake up. Human beings as a species, on some fundamental level, simply cannot handle the responsibility of deciding our own bedtimes.