Occam's Razors existentialcomics.com/comic/621

Men only want two things and it's disgusting (scores and highlights).

The idea that Jesus Christ would want America to be for white people only has got to be one of the more bizarre ideas ever conceived, and yet is apparently widely believed.

Yes that's right. If you don't also follow me on Mastodon you will be missing out on absolute top shelf linux jokes.

In 1381 the Peasants' Revolt was the first attempt in England to overthrow feudalism and created a society among equals. The very first act of violence was against a tax collector named William Payable. As in his actual fucking name was "Bill Payable". And I gotta say I want to punch that guy too.

This is like when Graham Linehan said that wokeness was so powerful that even his closest and oldest friends wouldn't go on record to say he wasn't a bigot lol.

I love Canadian accents. Everything exactly the same as American accents except one (1) vowel sound. That's how all accents should be. None of this fancy "non-rhotic dialects" or "t-glottalization". Just copy paste everything except you say "aboot" instead of "about".

Philosophy Vampires existentialcomics.com/comic/620

Too much of the media is focused on the shooter's motivations, background, and goals. Ultimately, who cares? The media should be more focused on the fact that he wrote "if you read this, you are gay lmao" on the bullet casing, which is objectively the funniest thing ever left behind by an assassin.

Everyone talking about how leftists were gleeful about Charlie Kirk dying, but it's weird how no one is talking about how the right was…also gleeful. When they post about how they finally get to take off the mask and destroy leftism – that is glee. That is them being very happy this happened.

BREAKING: I have just received inside information that a copy of the Socratic dialogue "Protagoras" was found in the shooter's backpack. It is looking like the shooter may not have had a political motive after all, but was radicalized against Sophistry by Socrates. Time to ban philosophy??

It's sort of funny how in this case the shooter is still alive, and we could actually just ask him why he done it, instead of everyone posting AI altered images of him in high school wearing tshirts of their political enemies or whatever.

It's actually funny how much everyone has forgotten about "violent video games cause violence". It was a massive talking point for years, and now we have an assassin who put a video game meme on the bullet and no one is even suggesting it.

Something people often forget is that the majority of political assassinations are done for weird ass reasons by people with incoherent politics. Like...they couldn't figure out the Trump assassin's motive. Or even Lee Harvey Oswald reasons. Someone tried to kill Reagan to impress Jodie Foster.

The right wing is really struggle to understand why more people want to kill guys whose ideology is "we need a race war to purge the country" than guys whose ideology is "we should have free healthcare".

My actual prediction is that within two weeks Charlie Kirk will be totally forgotten by both the right and left. He was a deeply mediocre hatemonger who offered nothing original, and there will be plenty of right wing grifters ready to step over his body to collect the racist propaganda checks.

This is nuts. I haven't seen the right this angry since Cracker Barrel tried to streamline their logo. Obviously it doesn't quite rise to that level, but damn, pretty close…

Maybe the reason no one ever went back in time to kill Hitler is because the time machines can only go back so many years…

"We must reject political violence in EVERY form" Anyway, back to using State violence to clear homeless camps out of the park, because rich people were complaining they had to look at them.

Honestly it does kind of suck for everyone whose Wikipedia page doesn't include this.

Philosophy in a Life Boat - existentialcomics.com/comic/619

I feel like if I were given grenades in a battle there is a 100% chance that I'd explode myself. I don't understand how anyone agrees to just carry them around.

I like how ancient Egypt was so weird and cool that they get their own special category of nerds called "Egyptologists". Are you interested in ancient history in general? Archeology? Hell no! Unless there are also mummies and pyramids and shit involved, that is.

When we create artificial intelligence robots, they will be given three Laws to safeguard humanity: 1. never do anything to decrease shareholder value. 2. always obey the company unless it conflicts with Law 1. 3. fuck the poor.

Somewhere deep in humanity's past, there lived a man or woman who, with a bit of skill and a lot of luck, killed two birds with the throw of a single stone. Then they bragged about it so obnoxiously for the rest of their life that it permanently entered into the English language as a saying.

Humanity is so blessed that the gene for being a weird nerd survived the hunter gatherer period, because we're really needed them once Civilization kicked off properly, to invent penicillin, helicopters, and PlayStation, etc, that we hold so dear today.

Trump has done a lot of bad stuff in his life, but I think his latest move (continuing to live) has got to be the most aggravating.

If I were in a medieval battle and I saw the enemy panicking and fleeing, I would absolutely break the line to pursue them. They are retreating my dudes, let's go. Battle over. There is no possible way anyone could plan something like this in ahead of time,

"Those who make peaceful revolution impossible will make violent revolution inevitable" indeed.

Star Trek never could have been made in New Zealand, because it feels like as soon as the opening shot comes up and you hear, in a thick New Zealand accent: "space, the final frontier..." Everyone would have assumed the rest of it was a comedy.

I've discovered there is a wiki called "List of Deaths" that documents deaths in media, and someone has gone through all my comics and meticulously recorded everyone who died and put it on there. Why...I do not know. listofdeaths.fandom.com/wiki/Existen...

The Philosophy of Fashion existentialcomics.com/comic/618

Old timey boxing was so funny. For example, the longest boxing match took place in 1893. It was 7 hours and 19 minutes. 110 three minute rounds. In round 108 the ref was like "you's guys got 2 rounds to finish this", but neither could even raise their arms and he called it a no contest. Like...why?

Imagine getting called up for Jury Duty, having to take time off work or get a babysitter or whatever. And then it's just the State wanting to imprison a guy over a turkey sandwich.

I would never vote for someone who can't bench press at least 225. What if the free healthcare bill is like....super heavy and he can't lift it onto his desk to sign it? You won't be laughing then.

Why is "rocket science" the go to example of something hard? What's so hard about rocket science? Explody stuff in the bottom. Tube on the top. I could do that easy. No problem.

"Google says it's no different than checking IDs at the airport." Sure. If the airport was your house. That you own. And the IDs they were checking was your furniture, appliances, and food to make sure it is Google™ approved. And also they charged a 30% tax on everything you purchased.

It's kind of amazing how many people keep their kids alive the whole time. You'd think it would be more of a 50/50 scenario given all of the traffic, diseases, cliff edges, spiders, wolves, lightning bolts, choking hazards, and falling pianos there are in the world.

The idea that Western Civilization will collapse if we let like 1% of people swap genders or whatever is so bizarre to me that I have a hard time even conceptualizing what these people think "Western Civilization" is and what exactly will happen to it in their nightmare gender scenario.

The Philosophy of Julius Caesar - existentialcomics.com/comic/617

The fact that kids don't like fancy food demonstrates that at some point in our history there was a strong evolutionary drive to keep our children away from the French.

How to do philosophy: Analytic philosophy: replace words with math symbols. Continental​ philosophy: replace words with more words.

The wonderful thing about freedom is that you get to do whatever you want in life. The downside is that instead of doing it you just sort of sit around and do nothing because you are tired all the time.

My most reactionary opinion is that I am absolutely an American exceptionalist when it comes to sports. There has never been, nor will there ever be, anyone in Europe (with their croissants and fancy hats) who can do what Barry Sanders did.

I regret to inform you that yes, the Super Mario franchise is in fact WOKE (positive portrayal of Italians).

The story of the Ugly Duckling teaches us that even if you aren't beautiful on the outside, it's fine – you might secretly turn out to be.

It's actually super funny that only men can still be Catholic priests. It's like...sorry toots, but you gotta have a PENIS to do God's work. Thems the rules. God told us he wants it that way, we can't change it.

When Boudica's daughters were raped by Roman officials in AD 61, she gathered the Britains and burned London in such a fiery inferno that a layer of ash can be found still beneath London, known by archeologists as the "Boudican Destruction Horizon". In 1902 London erected a statue in her honor.

William James and the Train Robbery - existentialcomics.com/comic/616

It's so funny how the Roman Empire officially adopted Christianity, and it changed absolutely zero about how brutal they were in conquest and oppression. They were just like: "ok ok guys, from now on we have to brutally dominate the world in the name of love and peace. Agreed?"