If I had to watch my team lose a playoff elimination game in the 14th inning while everyone with no rooting interest kept posting “wow, what theater!!!” I think I would become the unibomber

Jim Beam commercial mentioning "Squad Goals" in 2025

Messing up the "Are you a robot?" Captcha five times in a row and I start clawing at my eyes in the mirror like that scene in Ex Machina

If you’re a real wiseguy you do actually have to use these

One Battle After Another (2025)

(Ben Folds voice) And I’m sooooorry, Mister Pope It’s time

Really fun pod with a murderer's row of guests so far

Every business is called this now

Big one this week: @joshgondelman.bsky.social and @lukeoneil47.bsky.social describe what it was like to root FOR the Brady/Belichick Patriots, Boston sports fandom in general, and being Lefty sports fans as everything gets Trumpier podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/n...

Listen to me and @joshgondelman.bsky.social talk about how hard it is being the only good and cool Boston sports fans alive on @danhopp.bsky.social's Thrill of Defeat pod. podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/n...

As a fan of both the NFL and The Simpsons, the algorithm knows I’d love nothing more than a shirt with the name of my team on it and also Bart Simpson is there

Home with a one year old

Fun to reconcile how every company is constantly cutting costs, laying people off, and ‘forced’ to raise their prices every quarter, meanwhile every commercial has five A-List movie stars in it now

Pete Hegseth pulling every general away from their families to give them this motivational speech:

Every day now something happens that you just know, without any other context, is the result of getting talked about daily on some sicko corner of the internet you’ve never visited

In my lifetime, any time a Democrat with a military record has run for office thinking that's surely the ONE thing Republicans have to credit them for, the Right tries to make their service seem illegitimate and turn it into a scandal (usually successfully!)

Excited for my first day as Tylenol's social media manager!! Kicking things off right by resurfacing some of our all-time bangers from 2017

Ever wonder what it’s like to be a Bengals fan? “Good LORD no?” Well Michael Turner — the comic who schedules his tour dates so he can go to every Bengals road game — is here to MAKE YOU FEEL IT ANYWAY podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...

A month from now Trump will tell a crowd "we've reduced childhood autism by 96%" and it'll just float through the news cycle. Anyone who tries to "fact check" it or wonder why it's not any degree of scandal will seem cringe

To any Pittsburgh Sports Pals who've migrated over here, a reminder that I will be writing regularly about the Penguins this season on my Substack. Please subscribe so I can keep my feed uncontaminated with two-Like promotional posts sadly drifting downward danhopper.substack.com/p/the-pens-a...

Every pundit who took at face value the idea that the Right sincerely cares about free speech, or ideological diversity, or in fact has any principles at all, should be wearing a dunce cap and writing a lengthy mea culpa right now. Not for our catharsis but for public awareness at least

Anyone framing the Kimmel situation as the Right being organically offended by comments as opposed to using a technicality as pretext to take down a long-established “enemy” (like the Ilhan Omar censure attempt) fundamentally misunderstands the moment we’re in (possibly on purpose)

I wrote about the leveling and deranging effects of the Trumpist snitchscape, and the awful content creation imperatives governing this awful moment. defector.com/the-united-s...

TECH COMPANY: “Our new operating system is going to blow your fucking mind. It changes everything you can do, ever. Shit you haven’t even imagined. Buckle up, asshole, because this isn’t your dad’s user interface!” OPERATING SYSTEM: (everything is slightly rounder)

i'm tired of people telling me that the houston texans aren't real. obviously they are not real in the literal sense. i don't think anyone is saying they are. but they impart lessons that have a lot of truth to them. god never intended them to be taken at face value

One thing that's always helpful is when someone ambiently posts "Things are going to get REALLY bad." Normally I assume everything will rapidly turn great overnight

Guy who sells doo doo (squinting wisely and doing visionary voice): We believe within 10 years the world economy will be almost completely powered by doo doo

[Epstein and his goons surround Young Trump] Ok New Blood, if you're NOT an undercover NARC [tosses him pen] let's see you write an unnervingly familiar letter to me inside a naked lady

My dog waiting at the store that gives out treats even though it's obviously closed

Will you all stop texting me please? I’ll explain everything when I have my day in court

extremely funny

Every time a kid has to deliver a joke on Sesame Street

i've said before that facebook is the best website out there for learning that someone you took improv with 10 years ago had a baby. but sadly, it's also the best website for learning that someone you took improv with 10 years ago is getting back into improv. with the sweet comes the bitter

Kind of a weird thing to say, if you ask me

One very small upside to everything completely collapsing is that you don't hear much about people's "grammar pet peeves" these days

In honor of fantasy draft week, here’s a brief story about the worst fantasy pick I’ve ever seen

Inadvertently paused Miss Rachel looking like she’s staring down the opposing bench after draining a 3

If this was 2017 twitter there'd be a bunch of scoldy 100k follower people going "Trump WANTS you to think he's near death, this is a trap and you're all falling for it" before we realized he just does stuff

Saw two planes at the Jersey Shore today with banner ads for different colleges and was imagining the person for whom that ends up being the deciding factor where they go

No one told me the entire 4 hour Billy Joel doc was about his decision to use the take where he goes “NONONONONO you haed to be a BEEG shot, DEEED JA”

No one who was mad at the Cracker Barrel logo was “triggered” by the way, they were doing a separate thing that’s actually very normal & cool

I cut my ear and it won’t stop bleeding but I’m afraid to put a bandage on it and make people think I’m doing some weirdo way-late Trump tribute

Put all the dog’s treats for a weeklong vacation into one bag and keep imagining a team of dogs trying to pull off a Money Train style heist of it

Parents getting ready to post the four-photo birthday collage they spent 6 hours working on the night before

Low-key conspiracy theory that AI companies actually love stories about people losing their minds talking to AI girlfriends and whatnot because it makes the technology seem uniquely powerful & mysterious

Big one today: why would you NOT want to hear @yourmandevine.bsky.social and @netw3rk.bsky.social talk about Knicks Fandom for an hour??? podcasts.apple.com/us/podcast/t...

RFK Jr is in the DeSantis / Jordan Peterson group of people who every time I hear them, I cannot believe that's their voice. It's somehow newly shocking each time. Like someone dubbed over this with a goofier voice like those old "Band Shreds" YouTube videos