there's a show tonight in nyc 🧠 comedians will joke around 🧠 a neuroscientist will give a presentation using a video game 🧠 someone will receive painful shocks from test equipment

Lol

Electro-Harmonix just sent out this email this company makes guitar pedals. their most famous one is called Big Muff

Just ran down two teenagers out on the famous "cousin walk". Maybe if they weren't high they would've heard me careening around the bend.

The Dalai Lama has killed himself.

@websitehomepage.bsky.social and @dril.bsky.social on the pod today, discussing walgreens, nuff' said

There are birders who quietly snap photos of rare birds. And there are birders like me, who kill as many birds as possible without ever learning their names

Hitler was 27 when he killed himself

Cows are better at breast milk than human women. It makes one wonder what else they. can do....

Those whom I pass on the trail are known as Trailures. They are likely to hurt themselves and ought stay home reading about trails, not hiking them Those whom pass me are known as Trailhards. They've sacrificed their humanity to hike marginally better than me. One must imagine them miserable

I endorse everyone annoying the guy who runs the onion on our behalf even though it probably won't do anything

My presidents to assassnate top 5

I have created a new political ideology called Dark Evilism. Please support my new idea

Forgot the word neurodivergent and called myself a "mental minority" at my probation hearing

In the first ep of The Office reboot, Dwight becomes addicted to gooning and posts an incel manifesto before using a 3D printed gun to kill a mukbang streamer. The second episode is about pam

"Stop, please!" "Quiet slut, your screams only make me fuck harder." "Ahh!" Typical exchange from a heated roleplay sesh for these lovebirds. Not to worry, they have a safeword. Something that makes them laugh. The name of a ridiculed coworker.

Jim, an office worker, introduced his work wife to the concept of "Consensual Non-Consent".

Saw a guy get executed on the subway and nearly dropped my chopped cheese sandwich.

James Bond may have ended his own life but we can still remember the good times. The adventures, the missions etc.

James Bond defeated an evil terrorist. But then he did something interesting. He went back to his hotel room in Peru and shot himself in the face. He was experiencing severe depression.

James Bond had sex with a gorgeous female spy from an enemy country. Was it erotic? Yes, they both orgasmed repeatedly. But James never experienced true love. And that’s why he ended his life.

James Bond died without any children or close friends. He will only be remembered through his many adventures and heroic deeds. An empty life.

James Bond has killed himself in a hotel room in Peru. A lifetime of pointless adventures and one night stands had left him a deeply unfulfilled person.

It would be amazing to be a compulsive sexual deviant. Lick a toilet seat, jerk off in a tree. Never bored, always working on something

Imagine how it must have felt to be the caveman who discovered the world's first gun

Just lied my way into a job operating a construction crane. Lives are at risk due to my inexperience and sluggish cognitive tempo. AITAH?

Getting fed into a wood chipper feet first and at the end my head pops off and bounces around peeling the skin off and sanding my skull down into a wonderful white sphere, the pearl of my being

Did Jesus Christ have ADHD?

Diarrhea is cheaper than poop on the menu because it's mostly water

Covid happened in star wars and all the jar jar binks species died from it

You can smell the SEX coming off this post! This guy is constantly pounding his beautiful wife and leaving her in a damp heap! They hold hands when they fuck because they are in LOVE!

getting your head cut off is probably relieving like taking a tightly wound rubber band off your finger

Laughter is the best medicine for things like crushed spine, exploded glass in face, botulism. It is not effective against normal sadness.

Why did you put a pillow over my face before shooting me in the head? Did you mean for me to be comfy and fairly relaxed for several seconds before the bullet entered my brain?

Don't worry about me. I moved to Italy and died in a war there or something

Something specific happens when a bullet interacts with a brain that causes a person to not be alive anymore but it's hard to fully understand without a science degree.

When you go to the noose store they don't let you try them on. "nice try buddy, buy something or get out"

I don't think quitting heroin is actually that hard and I'm willing to risk throwing my life away to prove it.

This looks like an interesting texture for driving my car into

Decided to not have an interior life anymore

I look at the world and see nothing worth fighting for. I look at myself and recognize only weakness and failure, everything else deception. But then I look at an AI generated anime woman driving a cybertruck and I go dizzy from dopamine. Finally, happiness ! Infinite Rapture! Thank You God!

If a depressed person cheers up after deciding to commit suicide they could just decide that every day and live happily for decades

I'm not a big fan of most AI stuff, but as someone who works at an AI company I wish folks would tone down the rhetoric. I'm just a normal guy making $25/hour creating chat bots that convince elderly people to kill themselves. I do not deserve hatred.

i was there when this happened but they cut me out of the last panel because i was still kneeling

Mr Beast has ensnared me in what can only be described as a "self suck torture cube" and giddily informs passersby that in 6 months I will win $750

The Dare was rushed to the hospital, and upon examination the physician exclaimed "My God, this man is profoundly brain damaged!" The physician's trusted assistant spoke up at this time. "Sir, you've made a mistake. You're looking at the BEFORE x-rays!" Oh brother! 🤦😂