Look I've been holding off from months asking this on Bluesky because of my pride but I need help. My car needs brakes, my rent is past due and my step kid needs shoes. I hate having to ask this

What annoys me most is, I find socialising difficult at the best of times. I don't need this.

Like, I hate to say it, but how the hell did he think he had even the slightest chance after what he did??

I'm obviously too innocent for my own good

Unpopular opinion: I really hate it when people are late.

The number of my singing friends who use AI all the time... You know they're coming for you next, right?

“Girl, he is not worth the bangs on your face” - me, as a therapist

Who could have thought that the US ethos of rugged lawless armed individualism could have turned into chaotic fascist authoritarianism? Not the rugged lawless armed individuals apparently

I find it very difficult to breakdance under these conditions.

I feel like this photo of masked, armed men pepper spraying a pastor protecting his community is going to be a defining picture of this moment in America for a long, long time.

Waking up is just respawning in the same map with worse stats.

Last night my lung capacity dropped to roughly 60% of normal. I saved a hospital visit in an ambulance by having a puffer. Petrol of ambulance to hospital vs puffer analysis next?

Alt text: A tweet by Steve Kirsch: 25% of people who got the COVID shot regret it. The others are dead

My hands are shaking from the steroid, but I can breathe at the moment so I'll take it as a plus.

Buying a costume from Temu is a gamble. The picture is a majestic phoenix; the reality is a damp chicken that's been through a car wash.

I was a skeptic about the import of the Epstein files. But 3 invasions of cities, one military buildup outside Venezuela, a government shutdown, and so many other things meant to distract have me convinced whatever’s in there is the biggest presidential scandal in U.S. history.

Just discovered if you sneeze 8 times fast you won't orgasm but you might poop yourself.

Theatre puns are okay, no need to make a show of it though :-p

Theater performers have beautiful hair. They always have the perfect part. The backstage crews are the biggest theater fans. They’re always giving props to the performers. There was a theater performance with microphone issues. It was critically acclaimed, but the feedback was awful.

That's so disheartening. To know two of the things keeping me mostly functional are now out of my price range

Well, it's official. I can no longer afford a psychologist or TMS. Fuck

You think I’m funny? Funny how? Like a clown? I amuse you? I make you laugh? Oh wow, thank you so much actually. That’s all I was trying to do

Oh what an amazing mini that paint job looks amazing oops no alt text not reposting that.

Sometimes I wonder if I must be some kind of ultra-genius because people are like "Oh man ChatGPT gave me so many great ideas while brainstorming" but no AI has ever given me a better idea than the ones I've had myself while brainstorming.

i miss the days where i could make 4 or 5 people to laugh or smile le sigh

I always love it when they come out with a "20 point peace plan". There's one point. Don't do war. There. Done.

81 likes 0 reposts says "cool. but no one else needs to see this"

if your video game has a blank slate player self-insert protagonist there is absolutely no reason that i shouldn't be able to make them a woman

Can you people just let other people get a tiny bit of joy out of their hopeless lives??

Chicken tenders are just a meat ladle for ranch dressing.

I'm sure someone needs to hear this: Put that load into the dryer.

Waiting for my brother to turn up. We're having a drunken catch-up because we're adults!

Putting my glasses on so I can see how far to fuck off.

watch an animated cartoon from the 30s and it's the most fluid, lovely thing you've ever seen, animation the likes of which we can't dream of today, compared to a CGI movie from 2001 which looks like Skibidi Toilet and cost 50 million dollars

Getting drunk so I'll have the confidence to rehearse. I'm an opera singer and I live in units. I do not like that sort of public performance...

"Technically I was correct" I scream as a thousand Bluesky fact checkers come for me.

i don’t think i’m autistic because my mom took tylenol while she was pregnant with me, i’m pretty sure it’s because she decided to reproduce with a guy who had an engineering degree, a ham radio hobby, and an inability to wear clothing not made from natural fibers

This is your periodic reminder to use alt text IT IS SO EASY And such a dick move not to

the rapture happened it's just no one qualified

Hey a thing I really don’t want to get lost here is that while Tylenol doesn’t cause autism, IT’S FINE TO BE AUTISTIC. Let’s not grant them the premise that autism should be eradicated in our way to correct the science, okay? Okay.

They’re only going after Tylenol because the president of the United States can’t say acetaminophen. 🤦‍♂️

I know antifa isn't a real organization because I don't get 40 texts a week from them asking for donations.

We have autism in Australia. We do not have Tylenol.

"Autism: First diagnosed in 1943. Tylenol: Not invented until 1955. RFK Jr.: Born 1954. Thus RFK Jr. is more likely to have caused autism than Tylenol."

If your Rapture seems to not be working: Try switching the Faith OS off and back on again, following manufacturer instructions to ensure no unwanted cataclysms occur during the process.

pfft this rapture could’ve been an email