Bro all these alliances of nations forming. It's like picking sides for some sort of global conflict—a "world war", if you will. Three!

Police, it's time to protect and serve the people. Police vs Military, go!

let’s start calling sweatpants, pajama pants, and any other non-constricting soft pants “boneless pants”

quick weekend prototype...

They're not fake, they're impossible tiddies

Spent the day posting "do better" under photos of people's kids on Facebook

How long can you kiss a puppet before it gets weird

The bootlicking class wants you to stand down

Strong enough for a man. Kid tested. Made for a woman. Mother approved.

So, I did a thing... *reveals my wiener stuck in a contraption*

They should just spell it meem

I had a dream I lived with a webcomic artist and the toilet was always clogged

Centrist who is into pseudo science from both sides. “I’m a Pisces and that’s why my skull is shaped like this”

If you were down with OPP, it's time to join AARP!

You can come to my pity party. Bring your own problems.

mark zuckerberg you dumb bitch you look like someone brought a dollar store Beaker puppet to life and gave it a PacSun gift card

Let your non-white friends know that you will Anne Frank them

i've had it with leftists and their endless factmongering

My Instagram stories are like "Resist!" "Fuck trump!" "Pwease come to my comedy show tomowwow" "Die maga scum!

More like combitchulating

make a fork-shaped universal remote, so i can eat lunch while skipping the intro to my favorite show i’m tired of

I had a dream I lived with an online comic artist and the toilet was always clogged

It's sad 'cause my niece named her daughter Antifa in 2002, and now folks think it's a political thing and whatnot.

woke up with morning would *would go back to sleep

your mother and i need you to stop circle strafing us while we're trying to talk to you

Don’t care about the guy who isn’t aging. Give me an article about a guy who unlocked the ability to double jump

CATGIRL MOBSTER: Nya, see? Nya!

The revolution will be shitposted

Long story short, it was a tough pill to swallow because it was a suppository.

Not a huge fan of Halloween itself. But I I've been producing live comedy sketches so I really appreciate costumes and props season.

wednesday, huh? more like wedn’s this day gonna be over lmao

fire daddy 1/2

[showing a picture of a man with nice hair to my barber] I want you to kill this fucker

Just gotta do crossword puzzles until 2026

Just gotta do crossword puzzles until 2026

haste maste waste

I can't stand this platitude about urging civility and fostering debate. We're way past that. It's like still criticizing the president for wanting to build a wall. They aren't coming around, it's time to leave them behind.

How can we trick Gutfeld into saying his name backwards

charlie kirks life had no value, we are a better world without him.

Telling the bully that I'm volunteering to preemptively kick my own ass in the hopes we can come to a mutually beneficial understanding

"The jokes just write themselves!" - a comedian using ChatGPT

Somebody robbed me at El Cajon and Park. If you see my wallet please message me, it contains a very rare Yu-Gi-Oh card.

I know my cat is done playing when I notice that it's just me for 5 minutes swinging the mousey

Covid is surging so I've been avoiding crowds (not going to your mom's house)

Ever since I taught my wife how to do a sleeper hold, I’ve never felt so rested.

Boo! Just kidding I'm actually alive

webp more like webpoo

I ate the beans in my Beanie Baby and now I am the Beanie Baby

Somebody robbed me at El Cajon and Park. If you see my wallet please message me, it contains a very rare Yu-Gi-Oh card.

I don't want to be That Guy, but I love this diner/drive-in/dive