Not sure I like it here anymore (on earth)

Woke up as an unforced error again

When I'm not here you might find me tearing it up over on Zillow or maybe crying in the bathroom.

Second date idea: We both shower after the first date, pretend nothing happened and never speak to each other again.

Sometimes, when you call my name, my mouth responds with the screaming of the fax machine.

Reading the news in 2025 like

What others think of me is none of my business, unless they’re in love with me. I need to know that.

Drinking so much water my bladder has started gathering two of every animal.

[letter to vitamin company] So your ad said that this supplement "helps with memory loss" but I'm still remembering stuff

I used to work for a company called GameTap, we were probably the first "Netflix for games," started around 2006. It didn't go well. I used to think the idea was ahead of its time, and maybe it was, but I also think times have changed and this no longer makes sense. 🧵

Quick demo of alt color palettes for #SuborbitalSalvage! Game won't auto switch over time as shown here, but is configurable in the settings. I'm open to palette requests as this is just a shader tweak 😄 #playdate #gamedev

We're all just weird little guys riffing online huh

Thanks for the lurk, appreciate it.

Oops! All old and confused and shit

Who's your favorite Jedi? (Wrong answers only)

Does anyone know how to relax

The CIA stopped by my house to change the SD card in my microwave.

Feel like ‘slim chance’ and ‘fat chance’ should mean different things.

GOOGLE: “Step 1: Become President of the United States. Step 2: Tweet about media companies. Step 3: Wait for the capitulation bucks to roll in.”

America needs a hard reboot.

It's coming... 🎃

i'm sorry to say this but if you send me a tiktok of a person telling a story into the camera for 3 minutes i'm not fucking watching it. just in general ever. people need to start typing things up again because i can read so much faster than you can talk and i'm not wasting my precious time on this

End of days sale now on, everything must blow.

I refuse to engage with whatever baitpost nonsense is making you all talk about "Walmart nostalgia," except to say that Walmart nostalgia is impossible. It's still open and has not changed one bit! This is like having nostalgia for an interstate!

I like people like I like my coffee ...no, wait. I just like coffee.

raise your hand if you are happy and doing well so we can excommunicate you

Not a new sentiment but I am continuously reminded that we were not meant to deal with this much toxic bullshit 24/7 from every level of existence

the way people respond to those ai nostalgia videos has led me to believe that at least 75% of humanity will walk right into the bone harvesting chambers as long as a crude facsimile of a living being tells them there's gameboys and PB Crisps inside

Watch any good shows lately? Why not give Blippo+ a go with Logos From Planet Blip, the companion book to the new game, out today from @panic.com! Learn more about the visual design and history of the eclectic new game with commentary and exclusive content: theyetee.com/blippo

I was the elected official “special guest” (it’s just me, I still listen to the KPop Demon Hunters soundtrack at least three times a week) caller at a Banned Book BINGO event tonight. It was fun and energizing to see people are still connecting and finding ways to protect sanity in insane times. 📖

When your life's a mess but at least you can keep your devices charged. 😌

I think it would be beneficial to everyone if every man woman and child in America put their phones down for a couple days.

My game is out today 🚛! Haul cargo, meet other truckers, and live the adventure of the open road in Cherry Hill: A Trucking Adventure Simulator on @play.date Catalog: play.date/games/cherry... 🍿 To see more, check out the full trailer! youtu.be/_oECyEonn4U 🍿 #gamedev #playdate #indiegame

Getting to work first means you get the cleanest toilet of the day

Blippo+ is Game of the Year by a zillion miles. It’s not even close. Just pack up and go home, you’re not touching this. @blippo.plus

Mother: Doctor is it...? Dr: yes. I'm afraid it's...severe INTERNET POISONING Mother: OH! *faints*

*slapping the side of my head* This baby can hold SO MUCH anxiety

The great thing about playing the trombone is no one knows if you're good at it or not.

Shit is really getting ridiculous…my brain made up a commercial to play in between my dreams

20% of the people that follow you hate you

Hi! Do you need something ruined? For a small fee, I can handle that for you. I have experience really screwing up a wide range of things. References provided upon request

all this time we were watching out for the rhythm and its the algorithm that finally got us

In the 2000s Jack Johnson released the same song 7 times and we all let it happen

You can pry my end-of-text “lol” out of my cold dead hands

[petting two cats] I’m so good at petting two cats at once with my two arms [a third cat approaches] fuck

Don't tell me things. I don't actually want to know anything unless it is super gross.

Sorry your soulmate reposted me

but your honor it was my je ne sais quoi