Every night millions of people dream of this man

Good evening Riyadh! What’s the deal with women drivers?

Looks like you've been getting a lot of belly time. Proud of you bro

why is bibi wearing a QR code at the UN that just takes you to his onlyfans???

Manifestos are passe. Nobodys reads any more. But 3 or 4 words on a bullet? Concise.

Shit even Tim Pool’s cameras can’t help but show the world ICE are fucking evil

they get really upset and start whining when you call ICE the modern day gestapo which is exactly what it is

Americans can't read or write? Or Americans are writing short form narratives on bullets? Pick one, media!

Americans can't read or write? Or Americans are writing short form narratives on bullets? Pick one, media!

Writing out my shopping list on a bunch of bullets

I get that the news cycle is packed right now, but I just heard from a colleague at the Smithsonian that this is fully a GIANT SQUID BEING EATEN BY A SPERM WHALE and it’s possibly the first ever confirmed video according to a friend at NOAA 10 YEAR OLD ME IS LOSING HER MIND (a thread 🧵)

Read theory

they put me in the penn cuz i ain't a teller

The lion does not concern himself with the little bit of pee that got on his pants. It's like barely noticeable unless you stare

by 2029 I predict 50% of all human communication will be through shell casings

Hey gramma. Yeah you can come pick me up. The kids saw you dropping me off at the rapture and made a pretty devastating joke about it.

CITIZEN. YOU ARE IN POSESSION OF CONTRABAND TYLENOL. YOU HAVE 5 SECONDS TO COMPLY

Ian K I Will Find You In This Life Or The Next

@christophernolan.bsky.social Hello sir. I am jacking off to Batman Begins.

Aw man they raptured a bunch of my dick. So if you see a pic of it and wonder where the rest went thats what happened. The rest of me is fine tho

Just took 1000 Tylenol to become the most autistic person alive

(if the flinstones were italian american) gaba gaba gool!

Fine. I'll ask. What's "Upcycle"?

you know these dogs are ugly as hell

argentina will get more support from the united states government so they can continue their libertarian collapse than americans will get during a recession lol

If you have the shits during the rapture, do you have the shits for eternity? Please I need assistance NOW

trump pulling a hardboiled egg out of charlie kirks corpse on stage and shows it to the audience as they scream. he is asking them if he should take a bite of it and they are cheering

Stands on rooftops: 📣 🗣️ 🗣️THERE IS NO LINK BTW ACETAMINOPHEN & AUTISM. IT HAS BEEN STUDIED FOR MANY YEARS IN MILLIONS OF PEOPLE. 🗣️THE ONLY REASON THEY ARE TALKING ABT THIS IS THAT THEY DO NOT WANT AUTISTIC PEOPLE TO EXIST. 🗣️IT IS EUGENICS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION IN THIS MATTER. -EmilyPhD

if I was gay and jewish id have "mazel top" in bio

Found these two scripts from when I was auditioning for bake-off AU. The audition process was write four scripts for openers, two scripts for introducing bakes, improv a bench visit and then deliver star baker/baker going home news. Having written all that out - man that was a weird amount of work

Scientists said they surveyed one person and it was you

Does Anyone Else Remember When Food Was Fun?

Americans describing an economy in shambles: imagine if a hamburger needed assistance

apex predator

NEW: ChatGPT is causing chaos in marriages, as one spouse becomes deeply fixated on AI therapy/advice/spiritual wisdom — alienating the other spouse and, often, resulting in divorce. In some cases, ChatGPT-enmeshed spouses are using the tech to bully their partners. futurism.com/chatgpt-marr...

Calling peoples' employers in a rage because their tributes to Robert Redford weren't horny enough

one of the most incredible artists of our time. a distinctive and defining style

if you have infinite monkeys typing on infinite typewriters one of them will eventually produce the entire works of shakespeare. but you don't have that kind of start up capital. start with 10 monkeys writing steven king's Christine. soon you'll be turning a profit and can start scaling your monkeys

writing your name in piss? thats a solved problem. a young mans game. come back when youre a master of writing your name in doo doo. then we can talk, young buck

Looking for a distraction? I recommend every episode of sywwapp - the series is a hostile, abrasive delight, and Lardner is in a class all her own with this sort of comedy. This is my favorite episode because of Laff Car, a conceptually brilliant bit the show commits to so hard for such a long time.

[wormy dipshit whose entire lifestyle and worldview is propped up by direct and indirect violence that they are privileged enough to be insulated from, and who only speaks up for an ethical respect for human life when the most wicked devils alive finally get theirs voice] I condemn all violence!

Catching up on news