uggghh, i could fuck with some french onion soup rn

my dinner this evening consisted of frozen yogurt, gummy bears, and cherry coke. I won’t be taking any questions, thank you

if you enjoy feeling like you’ve failed the most important job in the world, then teenagers are for you!

business I am standing on in 2026 1. power systems are man-made and they fucked with Mother Nature 2. Mother Nature fucks back 3. calibrating my audacity & embracing free will every single day

ending 2025 the way it started crying in the shower 🙌🏼

i can’t believe it has been 2016 for ten years

me: glad i’m finally pessimistic and don’t cry at Publix holiday commercials anymore also me: [ugly sobs for 30 minutes at the cheesiest season finale ever]

gang, eat my pussy if i’m wrong, but we’re feeling kinda empty aren’t we?

so relieved to kiss this year good-bye and welcome a potentially even shittier year

did you know if you’re celibate long enough porn just feels like reruns?

Started Heated Rivalry as a straight woman. Finished it wondering if I’m actually a gay Russian hockey superstar with unresolved trauma.

Inside of you are two wolves. They are both hot gay hockey players. They are absolutely rivals. You are emotionally invested and need them to kiss about it.

WHY AM I JUST LEARNING ABOUT A GAY HOCKEY SHOW??? Why didn’t anyone tell meeeee

i’m mean to men for free. in it for the love of the game

2026 cannot come fast enough new job no husband ready for my fucking glow up

did not make it but did sleep literally all day so I’ve fucked up my circadian rhythm real good

going to a Korean spa tmw for first time either gonna be obsessed or deeply uncomfortable

Seeing a woman who only had one Barbie when she was a child receiving a brand new Barbie just like the one she had 40 years ago for Christmas did more for me today than anything else

Stop asking if this place has “the juice” and ask if it has “the Lord.”

bro, I woke up at 3am to my cats who get along fine fighting Thunderdome-style there was fur and diarrhea everywhere never in my life experienced an actual cat fight, let alone a fight with *my* cats. had to separate them no fucking clue what triggered it 😭

my Xmas wish for all: accept authentic love in the same way you gift it to others believe the value that lives in your heart. not the whispers of self-doubt

don’t post about faith much bc I think it’s precious to each person but in any faith, love your neighbor as you want to be loved is good advice merry Christ mas

had another good idea for a business that I’ll be too lazy to create. hmu

ohhhhhh merry Christmas to me, I got a job for a non-profit with 100% covered healthcare and a liberal woman boss 😍

I’ve dropped My phone on my face thrice. make that quattro. fuck my life The end

Dear Apple, Thank you SO much for releasing an IOS update that made me yearn to be an Android user. Job well-done. So excited to make the change 🫶

idk if momtok can survive this

I know what I want and need, but can’t have it Y’all in same boat right? Not just me???

as a recovering Type-A people pleaser, I can promise you nothing feels as comforting and liberating as giving up the freedom is fucking intoxicating

Watching "Love, actually"

baddies of bsky (femme specifically), I desperately need more bits. My life is bereft of deadpan whimsy. all I got is “idk if momtok will survive this” and “that hasn’t come across my desk yet” PUHLEASE share your fave bits 🙏

we aren’t talking enough about the precision it takes to land a right hook on this chin

three things I definitively learned this year: 1. do not change your bush preference for any man. ever. 2. self-awareness is rare 3. self-perception is often inaccurate for better or worse. trustworthy community is invaluable for finding balance

tbh, seeing Jake Paul and Andrew Tate get the shit beat outta them is the hardest I’ve cum in yearrrrrs

me: (with 2 sisters) do you ever get sad knowing none of our daughters will know what it’s like having sisters? sisters: never thought about it. fuck, that’s really sad me: exactly. this is sisterhood. merry fucking christmas 🎄

Watching porn for the articles.

Some of my moots can get it 😏😏😏 *a warm embrace when they need a hug

nut cracker [snort laugh]

one thing the internet has gifted me is the awareness of my free will in any given moment thank you, internet. life is slightly less unbearable knowing I can bark at whomever I choose

TIM 25: I’m NOT tiny, you ugly bitch

Christmas teaches us that it's okay to break into someone's house as long as you're leaving stuff.

my nephews saw an ugly side of me tonight that I regret me on trivia no one likes me on trivia

how many women do you know who contain multitudes? now, how many men?

btw, I can’t login to my main account. you’re fucking welcome

what’s it called when posting maniacally means your mental health is good but deleting social media means your mental health is hanging on by the thinnest of threads?

three wise women would’ve brought food, wine, and that baby wouldn’t spend a single night in a stable. just saying

new trauma response, who dis?

them: where you been?? what you been up to?? me: mostly hating my life and observing constant suffering that I can’t do anything about. thought about kms but would suck for my kids so just passing each day in misery, hbu?

high and mighty (drunk)