Revisited this spectacular Kaleb Horton paragraph about crows this morning. "I have met crows that should be in jail" is one of those sentences that's so good you're initially furious you didn't write it yourself before circling back around to just being glad you got to read it.

I have an email address that is older than some of my colleagues. My actual bones cried out in terror when I found that out.

'Art demands persistent work, work in spite of everything, and unceasing observation.' - Vincent Van Gogh. "Dog at the vet's (with toupee)" - oil on board, 2025.

Getting this printed out and laminated for when I need it

charging at my boyfriend in the bedroom and he screams "olé!" as I crash into the wall instead

when the rich Do Crimes

Work-in-progress. I have no idea what it's going to be at this stage.

With Christmas coming up (eventually), if you have a pet and would like to treat them to a portrait, like Princess here, hit me up.

A new prop for my night terrors.

For just £1, I purchased a fruity dog from the market, and the dog's not sure about it.

As always, if you have a pet and would like to commission a painting of them, please keep me in mind. What I lack in talent, I more than make up in affordability.

Because nobody succeeded in stopping me this past week, I have been painting again.

Show me a more exciting postcard. I'll wait.

I will at this point reiterate my theory that we are all born with a finite number of fucks available to give. By the time you get to 50, that supply is running very low. At 61, I can confirm that I am bang out of fucks to give, and my goodness it is a great feeling.

Look what I found at the market for 50p. Straight into my collection of lake monsters.

Couple of quick sketches of a dog and a man outside Waitrose. People love it when I sketch them.

While I was out, I thought, why not get a coffee, treat yourself, you're worth it. Get one of those pastries you like as well, make a relaxing morning of it. Three wasps landed on my pastry while I was taking the first bite. We all had it in our mouths/mandibles at the same time. Very relaxing.

I feel like there’s two “25 years ago”s and one of them is the year 2000 where we had like computers and the internet and email and shit and the other one “25 years ago” is a mixture of 1978 and somewhere around 1800

I was sitting on a bench near Waitrose earlier, when Benji came and sat on my lap. If you hang around on the benches long enough, and if you are blessed, Benji comes and sits on you. Robbing warmth and demanding pet-pets. Of course, with my allergies, his presence immediately begins to kill me.

Why do I get the sense that I'm going to have to be the angry old person telling my grandchildren they can't marry a chatbot and getting called a massive bigot for it?

guys I'm starting to think that the Computer is Bad

The minimum qualifications for joining the MET need looking at…

How can you arrest FIVE HUNDRED PEOPLE at a single event, find zero legal justification for having done so in one of those hundreds of instances, and not expect people to think you’re totally bent as an organisation?

I bought 5 reduced-in-price tubes of neon yellow paint recently, and the lady behind the counter was like, "Are you sure you want 5?" And it's her job to encourage me to buy as much as possible, and even she's like, don't do this babe.

I've gotta stop buying glow-in-the-dark paint. I buy it because I'm a child, apparently. That and the stores always reduce it because nobody wants a painting of their cat or dog or wife, radioactive-looking. I have got a SHIT TONNE of glow-in-the-dark paint. Vuillard didn't do glowing dogs.

Woke up to find my local art society unfollowed me on instagram. I do not need this on a fucking Monday. Now I know a little of how Van Gogh felt when those shits in Paris wouldn't support his dream. Only this time it'll end in their eventual deaths, not mine. I will mess them up (through art).

I am once again contemplating this banger.

Back in my day, modems screamed when you connected to the Internet. The screams were a warning. We didn't listen.

Toy of the day. #InternationalCatDay

Me: The rack? You're going to torture me with boobs?? Maybe after that i can suffer the Thighs lmao Medieval torturer: See it's this kind of thing that got you here in the first place

"I've always been very moved by the movements of the mouth and the shape of the mouth and the teeth... ...I've always hoped in a sense to be able to paint the mouth like Monet painted the sunset. ....And I've always wanted and never succeeded in painting the smile." - Francis Bacon

I know I'll never be able to capture a perfect likeness of my subject, nor even a reasonable one, I'm not good enough for that. My main focus, my desire if you will, is to make the type of painting that someone would walk across a room for. If only to move away from it.

In Canada, someone mailed me a processed cheese slice with my name and address and a stamp on it. The Canadian postal service delivered it.

This is such a funny paragraph of a BlueSky-style "well actually" in real life. www.bbc.co.uk/news/article...

Abject fucking humiliation for everyone who works at Apple. They could have merely provided a big headline of building products in the U.S., investing in manufacturing, the bullshit that would count as sufficient appeasement. But this performance? Tap dancing as they build concentration camps?

woke up to what appears to be a preview of a text promoting an AI something or other from my mobile network, and i think i'll have gone full joker by midday

I'm convinced these AI fb pages are just a handy way for hackers to gather names of folk more likely to fall for a scam.

I can't believe how much AI is on facebook right now, particularly with those "how things used to be" groups. They post a b&w picture of a milkman with 3 arms, delivering milk through a bombed WWII London with visible satellite dishes on some of the buildings, and my aunt comments, "God bless him."

Have I mentioned how much I love painting dogs lately?

Reminds me of a couple of weeks ago. A local laundrette, one of the vending machines had a note on it, presumably put there by the management. It read: "BE CAREFUL. THIS MACHINE SOMETIMES GIVES ELECTRIC SHOCKS" Not, "DO NOT USE" not "OUT OF ORDER", no-no. This said, be ready to dodge electricity.

I can also paint human portraits, if any of you are looking for a gift, or are in a long-term relationship and looking to get out of it.

I will undercut any (reputable) pet portrait artist alive, (or dead).

A more closed path I hast never witness'd...

Toymaker: You've seen a T-Rex, right? Sculptor: Technically, my dude, nobody's seen a T-Rex *takes a drag on cigarette*

I once mentioned on twitter that I bought a new couch and someone yelled at me because not everyone can afford a new couch. Also a true story.

There was a golden retriever at the market, walking around with an egg in its mouth. A whole hen's egg. Just walking around, showing people its egg. At one point a lady asked the dog's owner, "Excuse me, do you know your dog has an egg in its mouth?" The man replied yes and that was that.

Purchased a bag of assorted toys from an old man at the market this morning, and when I got home, found this horror story inside the bag. You're heard of Elf on the Shelf, I think what we have here is the original, the Gnome in your Home. Does it like watching your kids? Sure. For Santa? Nope.

I just figured out what to do with my extra produce.