In the past couple days I've seen news stories about bears breaking into people's houses in Japan and also about Japanese businessmen embracing shorts. Seems like both the worst and best time for me to be going!

Dropped a bin of books on my foot while cleaning out the basement, giving me new levels of empathy for all those Looney Tunes characters. If any of you are reading this, I'm sorry, I was wrong to laugh

I have zero desire to ever smoke again, but every now and then I'm overcome by the sense-memory of possibly the dumbest cigarette, the one you have right after leaving the gym

We (faculty at USC) took on an institutional behemoth with all the money and clout on earth, and we WON. We won our union. We're the biggest private-university faculty union in US history. Trying to make people care about this, challenge level IMPOSSIBLE

Not the worst, necessarily, but I was watching Biker Boyz at the Union Station (DC) theater when the film caught fire and they had to stop the showing. It was like half-way through, and my friend and I agreed that, despite getting free passes, we really didn’t need to go back and finish it

Working on first post for new substack thing (about workshop scenes in movies) and somehow I never knew that Noah Baumbach’s dad (who has a cameo as a writing teacher in his first film) was a founder of Fiction Collective AND director of the MFA program at Brooklyn College

Where in the query letter are you supposed to tell your prospective agent who should be cast in the streaming series adaptation of your novel

Since I can't have a salad, I'm eating the closest thing that won't give me explosive diarrhea: a bowl of garden salsa flavored Sun Chips

Leaving for Japan in a little over a month, can't wait to eat a salad when I get there

Celebrating the Spain win by eating thirty pounds of ham

He died as he lived: confusingly

Weird time to have diarrhea. Like, am I taking part in an American Cultural Experience? Or did I just eat too much ice cream.

Calling in the VAR to settle a dispute with my cats vis a vis dinnertime

Know thyself? Pass-aroonie

People complain about the way time is kept in soccer, but I like it. The vague panic, knowing the end is coming soon, but not sure exactly how much time you have left, it feels very much like life

"Is this your kink? This is what you like?" -me yelling at my printer as it gets yet another paper jam

Instagram has decided I need to get into roller skating, and you know what? Instagram might be correct.

Technically, you could put an "As Seen on TV" sticker on just about anything

If they ever need to spice things up, it could be fun to surround the goal box with a little moat

without America they'd be speaking (scrolling the Wikipedia article about world war one for a really long time) a different language right now

I thought all the soccer coaches wore either suits or warm-ups, why is ours dressed like he’s the bass player in an Eagles cover band

any person with a public library could print this screenshot, manually scale it up on a copier, add the URL, run off 50, and post these all over town. anyone w university access could flyer in buildings. (easy and cheap to redo if they're taken down)

The most American thing you could do on July 4th is get divorced

Too many world cup teams have the same colors. I know it's based on the flags, but honestly I think they should have to change those, too.

Whoever decided to put elastic inside tent poles so they basically snap together automatically (and you don't lose the pieces) should really have a holiday in his honor. At the very least he should get some of the laurels we heap on the "sliced bread" guy.

oh you're mad online? that's cool, I'm doing ketamine and reading the Buddha's teachings. you will never escape Samsara

A professor in Tufts University’s School of Engineering required one of his international graduate students to work an unpaid TA job this past spring semester. After she went to her union and blew the whistle, Tufts withdrew her from her program. A thread of rage. 1/

When you use self-checkout, you enter into a mutually beneficial contract with the store: they don't have to pay someone to scan your groceries, and you get to do some minor theft. It's fine!

I just seen the bag from American Beauty blow by

There should be one day a week where we all agree to talk about something else

I guess you never know what your version of Proust's madeleine will be until you encounter it, like how I saw one of these today in the wild and it kinda fucked me up

Losing your mind from Online is so embarrassing. At least do some peyote in the desert. Get lost for months in the rainforest while looking for a magical elixir. But going crazy from too much discourse? Sorry, wouldn’t be me.

Oh, you found someone with a bad opinion on the internet? That's cool. Sometimes I'll see a big turd on the sidewalk but I usually just walk around it.

Not generally a conspiracy guy, but i do believe the world’s richest, most powerful people gather in secret 2-3 times a year to strategize how they can annoy me

Called my dad and he told me the internet's been out at the house, so we talked for like half an hour about troubleshooting routers, maybe the most father's day conversation of all time

New online issue of @barrelhouse.bsky.social guest-edited by MFA students at Temple University. The Aftermath!

It's not a pyramid scheme, it's an opportunity mountain

The slightly smushed ear is what elevates it to art

Summer goal: learn how to clean the steering wheel without accidentally honking the horn and frightening myself

I bet one cool thing about a second marriage is you get to tell all your good stories again

Next time I’m on a long drive I’m taping a sign in the back left window that says HOW DID THE RIGHT LANE HURT YOU

come on out tonight in Haddonfield for some good readings, an open mic, and (one hast to say it) a really top notch host (I'm hearing the host is great) (people love the host)

Truly an amazing time to be alive if you’re kind of a dickhead and like wearing hats

The story of Icarus provides us with a valuable lesson: never fuck up real bad

Stoked to see my story 'Evil Stepmother' included in this issue! 🧙‍♀️https://www.barrelhousemag.com/online-lit/evil-stepmother-by-jemma-richardson

Summer sale on our entire back catalog continues. Get yourself a few books, you have almost nothing to lose

Please Use AI

New online issue of @barrelhouse.bsky.social guest-edited by MFA students at Temple University. The Aftermath!

One thing I could do without is the inexorable march of time