people forget but air bud was an absolute liability on defense

Look, I don't want the job. But I have podcasting equipment, and my wife says I'm good at sounding like I know things (no follow-ups, thanks). So if the NYTimes is looking to replace a couple of their opinionists, I'd grudgingly dye my beard, since that seems to also be a requirement for some reason

I don't know if this is a good or bad indicator, in terms of America's status in the world, or our shared economic future, but I've been thinking about writing some short stories again

I like the idea that Ross Douthat's 'Interesting Times' series will keep asking increasingly deranged questions, like "What are legs, even?" and "Human blood: sinful or tasty?"

The summer before college, I had a very boring job in a tiny moving-company office, doing data entry stuff. The saving grace was my three coworkers, all middle-aged women, who loved to gossip and also loved to bring me food as if I had no idea how to procure it myself (partially true at that age)

Maybe one thing NYers can learn from Philly is how to pick and choose which outsiders' opinions of their city to ignore, which ones to mercilessly mock, and which to monetize via t-shirts

I strongly believe that mayors should be required to wear a big sash that says “MAYOR” on it. In recent times mayors have forgotten that they serve we the people, and we want the sash

*Chris Farley in Tommy Boy voice* 🎶 Cool prof in a leather coat Cool prof in a leather coaaaat 🎶

I assume all those "leaving NYC because of socialism" people wouldn't come to Philly anyway, but just to be sure can we station some of our best dirtbags at all the I-95 exits between, say, Aramingo Ave and Broad/Pattison?

An early little meme I invented back in the blog days was calling Dick Cheney Fourthbranch, which I believe was a play on a short-lived Taco Bell campaign named Fourthmeal. This was after he claimed he was neither part of the executive or legislative branch and so didn't need to turn over records.

Once again reminded of my guiding moral principle: Live your life in such a way that, when you die, people online don't have to get into arguments about whether it's ok to celebrate.

Once they’ve handed over the drink cup at the theater, you can put whatever you want in it. Fill that thing up with hot butter, spend the whole movie licking it from your fingers, who the fuck’s gonna stop you.

I don't think America can handle that many personal essays

Sometimes I like to drive out to the suburbs, or a nearby small town, and work in a local coffee shop, just so I can feel like a mysterious stranger

Technically, those are only storage "conflicts," an act of congress is required to authorize a storage war

What do you mean I can't vote in the Maine election

An order of chicken fingers is called a hand. “Gimme a hand of fingies,” you say. If you want dipping sauce you ask for them to “paint the nails.”

Now that I've settled on a costume, these are all free for the taking: Freaks & Geeks' Lindsay Weir having a midlife crisis at a Dead & Co show Middle school math teacher who's really into close-up magic since his divorce Paul, the real estate novelist The Babadook, but woke Slutty cybertruck

Wondering what the overlap is between people at Monday’s Belly show and tonight’s Beta Band show, and also if any of them have doctors they really like

If you’re writing a trend piece about Gen Z you should have to go undercover as a teen, like 21 Jump Street or Never Been Kissed

They call it a ”judgment free zone,” but planet fitness hasn‘t revoked my membership yet, so

lmao david byrne showed the video of the ice agents tripping over themselves while trying to run after a biker on wacker drive during the “life during wartime” segment of his chicago show tonight

In class yesterday, we did an online quiz to see if you can spot AI photos, videos, and audio. My students did SO much better than I did, which honestly I'm still in a good mood about.

Make sure you take advantage of this special time of year, when you’re allowed to say “cool costume” to literally anyone and, legally, they can’t get mad

Sometimes I think about changing the theme of my first-year writing course to "What are the Kids Up To?" and all the readings would be essays/op-eds/trend pieces about people in their generation, written by people who are not in their generation

I mean, as a fundamentally lazy person, I get the appeal of skipping to the easiest item on a list full of difficult tasks, but I wouldn't go around bragging about it

I do think we have a moral obligation to other people, including those whose politics are bad or misinformed, but "reading their shitty posts on twitter" is so far down the list I don't think you need to worry too much about it

Frankly, my wife seems a little too enthusiastic about me wearing a wig for Halloween

I’m glad there‘s a set break at this Belly show, because it gives me time to ask people about the insole situation in their Chuck Taylors

Congratulations, sickos. We're 15 submissions away from hitting our cap on The Dirty Issue. After that, you'll have to whisper your impure thoughts to God, and hope for forgiveness. barrelhouse.submittable.com/submit

This year, instead of candy, I'm handing out life lessons

I guess if you want to be a party of working class people, now would be a time, while you’re on forced vacation, to get your members to roll up their sleeves and do some actual work helping people in their districts

I guess if you want to be a party of working class people, now would be a time, while you’re on forced vacation, to get your members to roll up their sleeves and do some actual work helping people in their districts

was looking for something else in the HAD archives, stumbled into this, remembered anew what a treasure @amorak.bsky.social is

ICYMI: the wonderful @tylercdempsey had me on his podcast to chat about Ethan Hawke & Me and various other life matters. open.spotify.com/episode/5TKR...

We're up to 385 submissions, and we've capped it at 500. So if you're thinking of submitting, try to do it soon!

Yo writer types @barrelhouse.bsky.social is open for submissions for THE DIRTY ISSUE, an online issue being produced by @mikeingram.bsky.social's Writers at Work class at Temple University. Send us/them your dirty (not in that way) lil stories poems essays! www.barrelhousemag.com/submission-i...

A special place in hell? Like the Delta Sky Lounge?

Sometimes I randomly remember the student, over a decade ago now, who, in his end-of-semester feedback, said I should consider wearing a different wig to class every day, and then, on the final day of the semester, rip that wig off and reveal I am actually bald.

The problem, I think, is that we've come to view our elected leaders as, essentially, lever-pullers. We need more people to pull our team's lever than the other team has pulling theirs. At which point all that matters is "electability," a mushy concept pretty well divorced from actual human values

They need a color-coded flag system, like the one at the beach, that lets you know how annoying it is online

You have to be willing to walk away from these guys if they let you down, just as a matter of basic self respect. It's not a fandom. You're hiring them to do a job or not.

Luckily, the only tattoo I ever find myself having to explain in job interviews is my photo-realistic Raymond Carver back piece.

Sometimes when the cat is begging or carrying on I’ll start doing exaggerated meowing noises and say “That’s you, that’s what you sound like,” and maybe we should employ a similar strategy with people who use ChatGPT?

Course software is down with the whole AWS thing, and I'm kinda sorta seriously thinking about bringing a big stack of print lit journals to my creative writing class and just having a "read-in" for an hour and a half

If Teenage Mike could see Middle-Aged Mike's life, I bet he'd be disappointed to learn I still haven't fully committed to being either a one-strap or two-strap backpack guy

Would like to watch a 7-Up style documentary series about the kids in Weapons

David Byrne out in Philly today ahead of this 3rd night at The Met