in life there are essentially two options:

The house is beginning to come together. I think it needs a little more work but it's way better.

I don't hate Mike Johnson because he's gay. I hate him because he's a Republican.

Yeah, I go pretty hard.

Less labubu, more laboobie

I pull my mom jeans right up under my breasts so people know I’m dtf

Talking to some people is like saying Worcestershire sauce over and over.

Boy, if we were seahorses, I would get you *so pregnant*

my new clock-in app for work says rise and shine. the mere gall has rendered me speechless.

This cutie pie has been waiting for a family for 1643 days now. That's awful! Let's see if we can help find the right family. 🙏💖🐾

omg me too girl

texting my boss "can't come in today" with an ai generated video of me getting hit by a car and when he asks who's holding the camera i wait a few minutes and text back "whoa"

*strong internal debate*

british white rappers are wild as hell

Broke: finger guns Woke: fist bumps Bespoke: fingerblasting

I want to make Stephen Miller cry.

christopher walken in works of art: thread

“YOUR COOKING SMELLS GOOD” i yell into the neighborhood

LIVE! From my front yard! DUELING LEAF BLOWERS!

You create an AI "actress" and the name you come up with is... Tilly Norwood?

Update: it’s finally shipped! Now it’s estimated to arrive between tomorrow and the 14th, but at least the 6 days of “preparing shipment” are over!

"Horseplay?!" you sick fuck…

I completed the solid edge tutorials yayyyy Now let's see if I can do it free form and start cranking out designs for shit I'm never going to have the time to build

HER: I’m a genealogist. ME: that’s crazy, I just finished watching Aladdin.

Wanting to re-learn CAD but not having the attention span

how to talk about a show you’re enjoying on bluesky: step 1: mention that you just started a show and that you’re enjoying it/the story/the characters step 2: someone will spoil the ending in your comments this service is free, can you believe it?

Happy October

being a cat person is so crazy bc you live with someone who is undeniably annoying and you're always thinking "maybe i should get another cat"

i wonder what it’s like to look around every day and see the country being run into the ground by pill-poppers and secret police and anti-vaxxers and book burners and you go into work and sit down at your computer and you’re the guy whose job it is to come up with new oreos flavors

Thanks for the lurk, appreciate it.

maintaining a delicate balance between wanting to stay informed and wanting to stay sane

Ted Cruz:

OH SHIT IT WAS MY YEAR TO WAKE BILLIE JOE

This nightmare is being filmed before a live audience.

John Fetterman is like a movie titled “mr big bag of shit goes to Washington”

At least my slutty 4-star general Halloween costume will really pop this year

What an odd thing to say

I want to build a fighting style around the pressure point that makes your opponent instantly shit.

Clout poisoning is nothing to joke about. My grandpappy died of clout poisoning. His last words were “do you even know who I am?”

it’s a tough day in age to have a functioning brain

If I were president I’d establish a thousand dollar fine for anyone saying “methinks”

bong rips for congress or whatever

Bear 32 Chunk won fat bear week! Yeahhhh!

Every time I start to foolishly believe in @apnews.com again, they pull away the football. Look at this moronic "reporting."

Everything is a little bit overwhelming just a tad

coolest thing about crafting with hot glue is they'll never be able to identify your fingerprints