Hey girl hey

That's MR! Olive Lovehandle to you

Another morning trying to drink coffee and scroll...

Who gives better head? Donald Trump or Taylor Swift?

You ever heard of "dummymandering?" The GOP might be about to find out what that means. youtube.com/shorts/Zz5cE...

It's time for giving

i don't think ollie pop can count

My back hurts like a lot it probably shouldn't hurt this much right

It's frothy

AI and the Trump regime will take us far

Do you know what happens when you fart and orgasm at the same time? You get kicked out of the fancy restaurant, that’s what happens.

Take me back! Moss covered cabin in sun dappled forest, the woodland creatures, the never ending screams of villagers anytime they step too close to the threshold of my enchanted garden 🪏 the crisp evening air, the metallic taste of fresh blood from the oubliette, the colours of fallen leaves, the

I can pick my cat up and sling her on my shoulder and she lets me carry her around and I think about how a raccoon would not let me do that

Under pressure from the White House, college administrators are cracking down hard on the latest dangerous fad sweeping campuses called “learning.”

my weight loss plan is vomiting if I even glance at the news

“hello sharks: stagnant pond water gets a bad rap, but most people don’t realize drinking it can lead to tremendous weight loss…”

Sorry I'm late. My son made me sit criss-cross applesauce, and it took 13 minutes of physical therapy to walk again

If anyone ever takes a picture of me playing golf at my request just shoot me That's not me anymore

"Bluesky is too tame" "Bluesky is too woke" "Bluesky is too filled with sickos like you posting about how alternating between gooning and semen retention gives you the ability to talk to animals" MAKE UP YOUR MIND, GOLDILOCKS!!!!

omfg we've done this a hundred times over and now it's a problem??

“Horsecock stew? Nope. Not reading any of that”

I'm so sick of rightwing Supreme Court Justices whining that Trump is out of control.

I am Cyberdyne (dunno, marketing shit or whatever)

What people don’t tell you is that when the stock market finally went back up all those folks from the 1920’s jumped back into their windows

Worried my new job would be confusing but everything's pretty cut and dried at the Beef Jerky Factory

This is my phone case. The number of times I have been asked if I am a hairdresser … 🤣

What do you call it when a bunch of old men clap? Menapplause...

it has simply been way too long since i told y’all that i frigging love each and every one of youse ❤️✌️🫶👉

I was just curious how old Zohran is and googled and apparently his birthday is a month after mine to the day and The Husband goes 'you're gonna be older than the mayor of New York' and now I'm just....staring off into the distance. I've always been young! This hasn't happened to me yet! I'm shook!

As we all know, real activists who achieve real things talk about doing federal crimes on public social media all the time (do not trust anyone who talks about how cool doing federal crimes is on public social media)

Shits fucked yo

Switching my name to Bitch, Please.

“I shaved for you,” is a great icebreaker on a first date.

Hey you! No, not you. You!

I hope you’re violently ambushed by stability and tenderly mauled by good news this weekend.

“Knock it off, I said! … This is a still life!”

Disheveling myself enough to haggle with the camera store guy but not so much they won't let me inside

Milk beard and an #OllieUpdate He's getting very playful, loves attacking his meeses

More feathers in the sunlight. #starlings #🪶 #birds #nature #wildlife #birding #photography #birdsofbluesky #naturephotography #birdphotography #nikon #nikonZ8 #nikonphotographer

that tiny pocket in your jeans is to tuck away the insecurities for later

Them: WWJD Me: WWYDIYSWAHCAAOTBFCHHATOWTFHITSWAMFALBOMAHDG

It's time for an #OllieUpdate He sleepy

I love it when I make eye contact with my cat and he starts purring 🥰😻

I love PBS so much I let it fuck with all my cookies not just the necessary ones

I crushed it

My favorite things to lose and then buy more of and then lose again and then buy more until I suddenly find all of them at once are: (in no particular order) -chapstick -nail clippers -pocket knives -scissors

Never forget that Australia went to war with emus in 1932 and the emus won