Suburbia implementing Trump foreign policy.

BREAKING NEWS:

To this day, I can’t see yellow cake at a birthday party without my brain conjuring images of Colin Powell lying through his fn teeth to Congress and the American People to invade Iraq for oil, full slide deck and all.

September 1, 1939: Using lies as justification, Hitler broke international law by invading Poland. February 24, 2022: Using lies as justification, Putin broke international law by invading Ukraine. January 3, 2026: Using lies as justification, Trump broke international law by invading Venezuela.

I can’t help but feel like Harris is just sitting at home watching the news and, completely justifiably, saying out loud “I told you fucking morons”. I imagine that’s how she spends a lot of her time these days, actually 🤷‍♂️

I feel like I haven’t even been properly lied to about the purposes of this war

If Nicolás Maduro stands trial in the United States and gets convicted of 34 felonies, does that mean he’s qualified to be our next president now? Just checking what the standards are these days.

My man looks like Robert Redford was battered and deep-fried

Bari Weiss’ rebrand of CBS News as “Fox News but way less successful!” is coming along apace.

Uneducated voters will always be a greater danger to this country than immigrants.

It’s so wild how the majority (not all) of American #Farmers voted not only for the guy that was a “businessman not a politician” but never actually succeeded at building a business from scratch himself, but also for the guy that straight-up campaigned on “I’m doing tariffs on your shit if elected”.

Test for the next presidential candidate: buy an mp3 through Amazon Music. Which is definitely possible, but they apparently want it to be a secret? Worst fn ui/ux in history. If you can figure it out without help, you got my vote.

“Clinton is in the Epstein files!” Great. Next time I come across a Clinton rally, someone wearing a Clinton hat, or flying a Clinton flag on their truck, I’ll be sure to let them know. The rest of us want them ALL held accountable because we aren’t in a cult. Hope that helps.

this is not behavior becoming of a FIFA Peace Prize recipient.

#GVerse An unforgettable moment he made to his lovely friend.

The Soulless Train

Coming soon to a busy, crowded airport near you: a pull-up bar!

Started / Going

When farmers got the choice to vote for a white man who hurt their farm 4 years earlier, over a black woman with a solid plan to save it for another 100 years, they chose the white man. It's really that simple.

“Two dolls and a couple of pencils. Give Grandma one slipper — you can give her the other one next Christmas. I am the affordability president.”

If I were any other credit card company, I would sue SO FAST. Why would I get a Discover or MasterCard if getting a TrumpCard comes with U.S. residency? Such blatantly, unfair, anti-competitive behavior. trumpcard.gov

And even if you're right, the punishment for drug smuggling isn't death.

Are farmers going to be on welfare for all 4 years of this Trump term, or just for 3 years like the first Trump term? We get you like voting for government handouts, but we are $38 trillion in debt.

I wanna see one, just one, Wall Street Republican work an 8 hour day. 30 minutes for lunch, unpaid. One hour commute, each way, unpaid. 2 hours with traffic. Crowded parking lot, every day. Extension lot on a rainy days. No meetings. No telling someone else what to do. Just work. They would die.

*after hauling a few 45lb checked bags, a rollaway carry on, and a personal item off the airport shuttle, over the curb, and onto the various checkin/security counters, scales, and belts, and finding my gate* You what this place really needs? Preflight workout equipment.

"You're a big account, so you have a duty to ..." Look, at some level, I get that. But also ... I didn't run for the office of Big Account with a promise to you, the Bluesky voter, to deliver on certain issues. I just logged onto the same site you did, made some posts, and people followed me.

They get off to violating the consent of others. Not more complicated than that.

WOW! AN HONOR! — GCN

The cool thing about marriage is when your wife’s like “for every gift that appears under that tree I’ll give you a bj” and then on Christmas morning she opens like 30 boxes that have a single Laffy Taffy in each and she laughs because you were so creative and beat the system. She laughs, right?

can't believe this ancient mesopotamia shoe wearing ass said people need to dress up at the airport

Right wing influencer mocking being a right wing influencer. Embarrassing.

Oh hell yeah, a private equity firm is taking over a service I've used for years and never had a problem with?? This is sure to have a lot of benefits for me, the consumer!

Terrific

It's not a foolproof plan but every political debate from now on should be a Normal Guy competition. Ask them to describe grocery shopping in detail. Talk about what it's like to have a friend

mr president sir theres a story coming about how you intervened to help a sex criminal. no sir, not that sex criminal you helped….no not that one either…sir, please stop guessing sex criminals that you helped. ill give you a hint sir, hes a trafficker. no sir, not that trafficker a different one

When the Amazon driver incorrectly delivers packages to my house

y'ever feel so lonely you start emailing the Democrats back?

Sure I *could* talk to you on the phone for ninety seconds…or we can sort this out over hundreds of misinterpreted text messages and three months of broken email chains like adults

The importance of this position cannot be overstated

Never forget

ZING.

I though this was Jimmy Kimmel, fr

Mike Johnson: ‘My Christian Faith Is More About Not Jacking Off Than Feeding The Poor’

You laugh, but this is how the exododus went extinct

Silencing smart people so dumb people won’t be offended is like unplugging the smoke alarm so the fire won’t feel bad.