Every day he destroys something that makes America special, and every day he replaces it with something that makes us worse. When he’s finally gone, most will not remember what made us great in the first place, but some will think this was it. That’s what keeps me awake at night. #HappySunday

BREAKING NEWS: White House ballroom architects ordered to make last minute design change. #HeadlinesFromTheFuture

It’s really only a matter of time before Trump decides to build himself a pyramid.

War on Christmas my tuchas.

All I want for New Years…

‘Twas the night before Christmas And all through th- aw fuck, he isn’t dead yet.

‘Twas the night before Christmas And our furnace is busted. Fuck.

"It was not Hitler or Himmler who abducted me, beat me and shot my family. It was the shoemaker, the milkman, the neighbor, who received a uniform and then believed they were the master race." Karl Stojka, Auschwitz survivor

Remember last week when Trump held a prime time address in order to Jedi mind trick us into thinking he’s doing a good job but he just looked like a big sweaty orange Sam Kinnison instead?

Just some advanced notice. I plan on being very disrespectful when Trump dies. Prepare yourselves.

Looks like they’ve already made some adjustments to the Presidential walk of fame…

As long as he’s naming stuff after himself…

Trump has to name stuff after himself while he’s still alive because after he’s dead the only things named after him will be psychiatric illnesses.

What the fuck are we even doing here?

🐍🐍🐍 #FDT

Donald Trump does not have a shred of humanity. None.

The scariest part of this is that there is no indication that the Reiners’ political views had anything to do with their killing. But Trump wants everyone to know that it could.

I can’t say I blame the coin. We’ve all seen how Trump treats people who flip on him.

DONALD TRUMP IS THE HEALTHIEST PRESIDENT IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD AND IS A PERFECT PHYSICAL SPECIMEN IN EVERY WAY AND ALSO DON’T SHAKE HIS TINY LITTLE HAND OR IT WILL DISINTEGRATE!!

BREAKING NEWS: Do you believe in miracles???

Their closing message to Indiana: change your maps to artificially benefit the President's political party or 'roads will not be paved' as punishment. They are openly saying this. Who would want to live in a country that works like that?

Oh, so they can seize boats in the Caribbean without blowing them up. Hm.

The next time Trump takes questions from reporters, they should all just ask him cognitive exam questions until he realizes what’s going on. “Mr. President, can you spell ‘world’ backwards?” “Can you repeat these five words?” “Is this an elephant?”

Yeah. The Nazis did this, too.

And don’t forget plenty of mirrors to take shirtless selfies in. We’re witnessing the douchification of America.

Duffy on what he's doing to improve the airport experience for travelers: "Maybe I want a workout area where people might get some blood flowing doing some pull ups or step ups in the airport."

I swear if anyone from HHS uses the term “gold standard science” one more time I’m going to fucking lose it.

BREAKING NEWS: Trump wins first ever Death Star Peace Prize.

Nothing says “war on Christmas” like walking past 14 aisles of Christmas merchandise to find the Hanukkah endcap. The war…is not going well.

It’s officially ‘Imaginary War on Christmas’ season again. Here’s an idea for the Christofascists: how bout y’all put the Christ back in Christianity. Until then, just STFU.

Sometimes I like to fantasize about his obituary.

Just to be clear, there is no reason for this. This is not evidence-based decision making, it’s decision-based evidence making. Children will die. #Shame

BREAKING: U.S. vaccine advisers recommend ending longstanding advice that all babies get a hepatitis B shot at birth.

Communism is just another word for sharing. Capitalism is the opposite of that. I know which one I prefer.

I bet if we called them “warrior crimes” Pete would buy a ticket to The Hague himself thinking it was an award.

I don’t know how to break this to everyone, but itching doesn’t mean it’s healing. #RandomMedicalFacts

🚨BREAKING NEWS🚨 Trump releases MRI report.

Sooo, I’ll take that as a no?

After all these years, have I been forgetting to grade my patients?

So I guess he could shoot someone in the middle of the Caribbean Sea and not lose a single vote?

I guess Hagueseth can call them “warrior crimes” if it makes him feel better.

I think it’s worth mentioning that murder is a peace crime, too. #PeteHagueseth

Tick tock, Pete. #PeteHagueseth #SecretaryOfWarCrimes

BREAKING NEWS: Trump releases MRI results.

If you’re more upset about Democrats reminding members of the military NOT to commit war crimes than you are about Republicans using the military TO commit war crimes, then congratulations, because you are an idiot, an asshole, and you’re in a fucking cult.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the GOP healthcare plan:

The funniest thing about this whole Venezuela situation, which isn’t funny at all, is that Donald Trump was genuinely hoping he could squeeze a Nobel peace prize in before starting a war for oil.

I’m so confused. Are we blowing up drug traffickers or pardoning them these days?

Trump will pardon Hegseth before he ever sees the inside of a US courtroom. But he’ll still have to spend the rest of his life hiding from The Hague. It’s better than nothing.

Last I checked, murder is an impeachable offense. Grow a spine, congress.