Not a single person has lost money on a Kamala Harris crypto scam.

BREAKING NEWS: Mitch McConnell’s consciousness uploaded to turtloid robot, returns to capitol to continue destroying democracy until his nuclear power cells run dry.

One thing I’m 100% sure of is Kamala Harris wouldn’t have put her name on the Kennedy Center.

Not one to be outdone by RFK, Hegseth, and Dr. Oz, Stephen Cheung releases his own workout video.

I’m mostly an atheist except for when I need to damn something.

I don’t want to scare anyone, but I think a spider laid eggs in Oz’s right elbow.

Is it just me, or is Graham Platner what you get when Wilford Brimley and the Lorax have a baby?

I swear if he covers those columns in gold leaf I’m going to fucking lose it!

I just peppered Graham Platner’s feed with comments calling him a dick and telling him to drop out. So that should be handled.

Don’t look now, but I think your fear is being mongered.

As a party, we clearly take the integrity of our candidates more seriously than our opponents. But if we’re going to remain open to removing candidates in the 11th hour, as we should, then we need a standardized plan as a party to replace them rather than just figuring it out in the moment. My 2¢

Just had a nice 20 minute conversation with Mitch McConnell. Yoda, obi wan and anakin were all there. We discussed Iran, nato, and bringing balance to the force. He looked great! #ProofOfLife

Jesus Christ who’s vetting the vetters?

These are the goons who allegedly “vetted” Graham Platner.

Excuse me, I’m just going to have a quick 20 minute conversation with Mitch McConnell about current events.

Be patient, folks. Hell just needs to preheat a little longer before it’s hot enough for Mitch.

All of this news of people “talking with” Mitch McConnell is giving Mr. Frump in the Iron Lung vibes. youtu.be/7SJn6wQn-wI?...

Proposal: A second Mount Rushmore just for shitty presidents so we don’t forget.

Hey, it’s not our fault that Republicans aren’t smart enough to control the weather.

Whoever’s doing the fireworks in DC tonight has the chance to do the funniest thing.

Hand surgeon here. Just a reminder that fingers blown off by fireworks can’t be reattached. Be careful out there, and leave the explodey stuff to the professsionals. #HappyFourthOfJuly

It’s almost as if she hasn’t seen the wrath of a vengeful God before.

Preview of tonight’s fireworks display:

If he’d stood on the steps of the capitol in a clan hood waving a swastika flag MAGA would have raised $10million on GoFundMe for him by now.

I’ll celebrate our independance day when he’s gone. youtube.com/watch?v=XDkh...

If you're an FBI analyst surging to Atlanta to review records, reach out to me. I'll keep you anonymous. Signal in bio. Please share this post widely.

I seem to remember something in the constitution about on our 250th anniversary the president gets fed into a volcano as a human sacrifice for 250 more years of prosperity. Am I the only one that remembers that part?

4 MONTHS FROM TODAY are the Midterm Elections. Make sure you & everyone you know are registered to VOTE. VOTE for Dems to take back the House & Senate. VOTE to hold the most corrupt individual ever to occupy the WH accountable! VOTE to let our country to begin to heal. 🇺🇸 On 11/3/26: VOTE BLUE 🌊

Come on down to the Great American State Fair! There’s no line at the bobbing for pardons booth!

I’m not saying it’s happened yet, but it’s totally happened.

Everyone’s joking about Mitch McConnell going to hell but he won’t mind it so much, he’ll just warm himself up on a rock or something.

In other words, people are loving America because it reminds them that at home they don’t live in their cars and can actually take time for a healthy lunch without having to take phone calls. What a country!

Troy Nehls is seen here without his signature cigar because it would have gotten in the way of all of the bullshit coming out of his mouth.

I’ve struggled with major depression my entire life. I have depression. Nobody “gave me the diagnosis of depression”. It’s an illness that I have and that I work every single day to overpower. This mealy-mouthed explanation of his absence does nothing to raise mental health awareness. Asswipe.

America defeated fascism. We don’t need its aesthetics decorating the White House.

At least there’s an Israeli flag up in the baptism tent at the Trump Fyre Festival. You know, for the Jews.

BREAKING NEWS: Antifa vandals add extra E to “Freeedom” just to make Trump look bad.

Donald Trump’s parents sent him to a military boarding school. He graduated that high school at age 17. Depicting himself at age 20 in a military uniform in order to contrast against a photo of Obama as a teenager in Hawaii is what we call “stolen valor”. The right used to hate that sort of thing.

If Jesus Christ ran for office not a single Republican would vote for him.

For all of the young people struggling to purchase their first home. Remember this is November.

BREAKING NEWS: Donald Trump renames Reflecting Pool.

BREAKING NEWS: Satellite branch of Obama Presidential Library to open inside Trump’s head.

Celebrating our nation’s 250th birthday is like celebrating your anniversary 10 years after a messy divorce. It’s weird, it’s stupid, and I won’t do it. Maybe when we return to our prior level of dysfunction, but not now.

I fixed it for him.

You guys, don’t believe your eyes. The great American state fair is going awesome. #ETTD

How to guarantee you get a full body cavity search every single time you travel abroad:

If I got stuck with this passport I would request that every stamp be placed on his stupid face.

Shhh, nobody move a muscle. He’s so close to getting it.

When it happens I’m going to throw a funeral watch party and you’re all invited. It’s going to be 🔥! Be prepared - every time his melena dabs the corner of her eye with a tissue as if she’s actually crying we’ll all have to do a shot. You’ll definitely need a designated driver. #WhenItHappens