best trend of 2026. boo all these fuckers.

Kash Patel looks the way he does because this guy is always in his peripheral vision but no one else can see “him”.

Jesus Christ

I know 40 isn’t really “old”, but I found out today one of my coworkers was born the year I graduated high school, and now I feel like my bones are crumbling to dust.

I believe I will

#SundaySwinginSeventiesLogos: Every #MLB team in the style of Mr. Met. Which is your favorite? #Baseball h/t: @djgloverepair.bsky.social

Between the "male loneliness" beat and the "passport bro" beat, there sure is a lot of ink being spent on pieces of shit who can't find friends or dates because they're sentient piles of hot wet trash

The Mets may never win a game again.

I could tell Bluesky wasn’t working earlier because it told me I had 30+ notifications.

Absolutely dying at right-wing radio host Sid Rosenberg getting so angry that Mr. and Mrs. Met hugged @mayor.nyc.gov that he started calling them antisemites and became a Yankees fan.

Y'all need to get the fuck off Substack.

@djdresden.clownpenis.monster When is your ultra??

My celiac biopsies came back negative, and they found basically nothing during my colonoscopy (both my mom and brother recently had to have surgery to remove polyps that were too big to be removed during their colonoscopies.)

My middle school/high school self would never believe that Toadies, Cracker, My Morning Jacket, and Modest Mouse are all playing a festival in essentially my parents’ backyard this summer.

girl take us with you

Made it through my EGD/colonoscopy on Friday, but please just put me under again until It Happens.

In the spirit of April Fools' Day but without sacrificing the Supper Mario Broth veracity policy, here is a fact that seems so outlandish as to be a joke, but is actually true: in 1993, a Sega ad campaign briefly planned to use profanity to slander Mario.

I have my first upper GI/colonoscopy on Friday. I’m nervous, but I keep reminding myself it‘ll probably feel better than all the bullshit 2026 has brought so far. Oh, and all the GI symptoms I’ve had for the past two decades.

WAR DON'T SEX CRIMES HIDE CRIMES

"What'd you learn at school today sweetie" "P̴̗̑͌à̵̧̧̮̝͙̮͕͗̇̐̀̄̒͠ḷ̶̦̦͔̏̎̄̀̓a̶̡̙̞̮̦̙̎n̸̙͊̽͗̆̈́̓̎̕t̴̙̯̩̦͛̏̔́͌̾̂͜i̵͍̤̲̇ṙ̴̠̝̦̅͊̊̆ ̸̧̡̜͔̖̻̣͂ͅi̸͖̩̭̒̿̉̓̈́̇s̵̞̲̎̔̐̕͝ ̷̮͉͇̦̮́̃͆́̒m̶̱̥̖̖͓͉̱̦͋͌͒͗y̵͙͊̾̐̂͂͆̀̀ ̸̡̹͈̭̼̺̈́ͅͅf̷̢̘̭̠̮̫̱͕̌͘ã̴̡̘͈̜̤͔̖͚̐m̵̡̞̲̪̤͇̖̑̏̀͑͜ḯ̶̛͈̱̝͉̫̊l̶͖̥̫̘̺̹͖͗̆̒̌̿̚ͅy̴̾͐̑̌͑͜͜͝ ̵̧̧̻̙̉͘͝ņ̷͓͓͔͕͓̮̩̈̽̓͂̓̕͝ỏ̴̭̲͌͂̋̀͛̐̑w̶̧̮͚̼̩̼͔͗̒̊̍̄̍"

2025: meet Big Azz, the lovable catcher who all of America loves for his home run hitting prowess and his gigantic ass. 2026: we regret to inform you that Big Azz’s nickname has nothing to do with the disproportionately large size of his buttocks.

my brain is at the mr burns oversized novelty germ door stage of near catastrophe every time i look at news of any kind

There's something deeply obscene and broken about the fact that Donald Trump and Pete Hegseth are bombing elementary schools in an illegal war of aggression, and there's still a sense among the opposition that it has to be explained in terms of gas prices in order to get American voters to care.

Pain at the pump 🎶 Feel like a chump 🎶 Just checked the news 🎶 Outbreak of Mumps 🎶

Why are people surprised they’re losing subscribers when they’re still using Substack for their posts.

this is what it feels like to post on bluesky

They killed 180 children and their teachers in a double-tap strike on a school. The girls were 7 to 12 years old.

i truly just hate this motherfucker so much and have for so long. i just want him, specifically him, to be gone. it won't solve everything, but i am sick of his voice, sick of his brain, sick of his stranglehold on everything during this short time we have on earth

I refuse to get excited about False Spring this year because you know it’s just gonna fuckin‘ snow for the Lilac Festival.

My coworker who made it a point to buy their house close enough so they could walk the commute (even in our snowstorms!) to not use their car to help the environment, sure does love using the “Qualified” work AI chatbot every day.

Oops just signed up for a 15K.

NIN tour posters from 20 years ago this spring, during the Bush/Cheney wars. Same as it fucking ever was… Art direction by Designers Republic, design by me.

From The Archives:

If FIFA did, for some reason, regularly give out a Peace Prize, you’d think #1 on the list of criteria for potential winners would be “do not start a war with another nation in the World Cup, directly before the start of the World Cup”

Will there ever be a time again when I don’t feel like screaming multiple times per day.

We are a few thousand subscribers away from being a bigger print newspaper than the Washington Post. We are a mere flurry away from humiliating one of the two Big Space Perverts. Ask not how a Space Pervert can dominate you. Ask how you can dominate a Space Pervert. Subscribe below.

I love it.

This was 10,000 years ago

i see the looksmaxxing dolts aren’t the only ones hitting themselves in the head with hammers

PBSKids depicting a frenulum piercing. Alysa's power

Oh, how I’ve missed this.

i wasn’t sure if they did this because she’s female or brown or progressive and then i realized the answer is “yes”

Heard this on the drive this morning, hopefully the sign of a good day.

You don't have to share your brain rot. You can just block people.

A friend from college has started serious plans for a move to Canada at the end of this year, and I don’t think I’ve ever been more jealous of anyone.