matching energy is hot as fuck

she had an antique coffin nail hanging from a chain around her neck, and a wild look in her eye…

find someone that sees you for the fucked up weirdo you really are and loves you anyway

Feed me a live grenade, but sensually.

shall we do naked hugs, but like as friends?

I’m writing a book. So far I’ve gotten the page numbers done.

I might not be athletic, slim, or stylish but at least I forgot where I was going with this.

shout "out" to people who stick around too long at your house

My only viral moment is getting sneezed on by a toddler.

I'm doing one of those unboxing videos but the twist is I'm removing my brain from my skull.

mutual weirdness is hot as fuck

Strategically places mistletoe in every doorway...

Just got kicked in the head by a horse and suddenly a lot of your posts make more sense

Scared away another crush...

might fuck around and become your favourite

*slips into something more comfortable another dimension

Chugs energy drink. I got this. Maniacal laugh

Honestly, my best behaviour isn’t much better than my worst.

Sorry I disappeared for 3 years, I was screaming into a pillow.

pulls out wallet removes kraft single tucks it into the dancers g-string

Good things come in small packages.. our meds for example.

My onlyfans is just me eating handfuls of shredded cheese out of the bag.

I need magic touch. *a hug

a funny bearded guy could cure me

Not to brag but my posts have been known to cause headaches & nausea

Posts so bad they cause the server's to crash 😒

In an alternate universe my posts go viral & are legendary

It’s important to get out of the house every once in a while so you can get excited about going home.

Amazon: Reason for returning item(s)? Me: I was drunk.

giving up people for lent.

you’re weird, can i keep you?

A range of womens jewellery all crafted from the worlds most exceptional chicken nuggets

Nope, I ain’t the girl I was.

i’m sorry that i bit you, i was trying to flirt

i may not be the reply girl you want, but i’m certainly the reply girl you deserv- actually no, that’s probably not true either

Sports bras. Like a rubik's cube for your tits.