The motivation of the man who shot Charlie Kirk isn't clear (although he's probably mentally unstable--duh). What is clear is it was another example of American gun violence.

Feral beast in the sheets, feral beast in the streets, feral beast at the breakfast buffet, feral beast at the grocery store, feral beast at the library, feral beast at the dentist.

my handlers are taking away my devices until i perform my required activities

When I say “let me help,” it’s best for all involved to tell me “no”

it’s too windy to read my kindle

I shall have a little carb sleep and see if writing occurs

Wish I could crawl in there and live my life.

Making dinner for my kids in the future

"Congratulations on your passing,” I whisper to the ghost who just aced the not-being-alive test.

🎶and I said what about SECOND breakfast at Tiffany’s🎵

You should “do you” but maybe also do therapy

Some of y'all I only still follow so I have a "dumbest/worst skeet of the day" to send my Canadian each morning.

Super hot neighbor is outside and what do I say to him? I remark on how many bats are out tonight

The reason women's clothes don't have pockets is so we don't load them with rocks and walk into the sea

I’m an energy matcher so please don’t be exhausting ok

I don't understand why people ask if men and women can just be friends I mean all the women I meet just want to be friends

Global warming is the ultimate ice breaker for your speed date.

the others are on mute

some people post things and it’s like. truly thank you for being here on this website

that’s so funny because i actually forgot you existed

rest your eyes imo

How Do You Possibly Fuck This Up That Bad

Got blocked by another dumb bitch

I am a very delicate soul, please step on my neck while you jerk me off.

I'm glad I hated The Notebook. Ryan Gosling was only 16 when they made that movie.

Why don't they make ketchup packets bigger? I mean, just give me one big fucking ketchup packet. I don't need to do this dance three four five times. Do I have to do everything?

I can't believe that being angry all the time isn't the best way to fix everything.

Woohoo I’m allowed to tell shitty jokes online again so be ready!

pregnancy is scary because what if the kid grows up and uses chatgpt like it's google

every time a man speaks, i appreciate silence a little more

god didn’t give me a dick because he knew i’d stick it in a hotdog bun and put mustard on it

A handwriting analyst said in court that I forged my own signature so now I'm like going to prison.

My lawnmower belt let out a chirp that got all the neighborhood birds horny.

Due to an order mixup, hundreds of bicycle pedals were tossed at the bride and groom.

Mom, Dad... I'd like you to meet my new girlfriend, Sandra Suckthroat. She's a theatre major and we are in love.

All my posts are bangers (+1 likes..) because I delete all the ones that get 0

you know, if you were truly cool with spiders, you'd cover yourself in spiders before going for a walk in the woods

if you see me out wearing my dumbass costume i’m just practicing for halloween and also all the other days

I am out of office due to sick

I see you and appreciate you, my enby friends. It's always inspiring to watch you be your authentic selves in defiance of the norms and traditions that bigots and the narrow-minded cling to. Happy International Non-Binary People's Day.

"Dickface" is a boring, tired insult. Keep your enemies off guard by calling them "facedick" instead. What does it mean? Obviously nothing good. Get under their skin.

fun first date idea: you give me sloppy head but it's a bullet to the brain

I'll never say I'm a witch, but I have nearly drowned three times.

I hope I don’t know anyone that has bitcoin

Ok so here's the thing: no

they should make a thing that goes BONG! or DONG! every 60 minutes

When you honk at me while I'm driving, this is who you are honking at 😔 :

Some 12 year old I just saw at the skatepark was a million times better than I ever was so I told him I’m gonna fuck his mom.

I will no longer be accepting criticism, either constructive or otherwise. Thank you in advance.