hi

[hunched over with elbows on my desk, fingers steepled and thumbs rubbing my eyes] (Into headset) Sure we can do that no problem

I think I'm ready to wander off into the wilderness and let something eat me

Using AI to feel beautiful:

Is there a Mrs. Sludge Judge?

Throw some colourful candy in there for nice contrast

Me:

does anybody is gay on here .

Bluesky will deactivate your account for saying "liar liar, pants on fire" to someone defending sex crimes against children.

*sends my bf nudes* bf: oouf, bundle up baby, it's cold outside!

I made hot dogs (a cry for help)

My service dogs encouraging me to take my mood meds today. Thanks girlies!! ♥️

Looking to adopt this breed of dog:

Found my boyfriend's post on reddit:

The motivation of the man who shot Charlie Kirk isn't clear (although he's probably mentally unstable--duh). What is clear is it was another example of American gun violence.

Feral beast in the sheets, feral beast in the streets, feral beast at the breakfast buffet, feral beast at the grocery store, feral beast at the library, feral beast at the dentist.

my handlers are taking away my devices until i perform my required activities

When I say “let me help,” it’s best for all involved to tell me “no”

it’s too windy to read my kindle

I shall have a little carb sleep and see if writing occurs

Wish I could crawl in there and live my life.

"Congratulations on your passing,” I whisper to the ghost who just aced the not-being-alive test.

🎶and I said what about SECOND breakfast at Tiffany’s🎵

You should “do you” but maybe also do therapy

Some of y'all I only still follow so I have a "dumbest/worst skeet of the day" to send my Canadian each morning.

Super hot neighbor is outside and what do I say to him? I remark on how many bats are out tonight

The reason women's clothes don't have pockets is so we don't load them with rocks and walk into the sea

I don't understand why people ask if men and women can just be friends I mean all the women I meet just want to be friends

Global warming is the ultimate ice breaker for your speed date.

the others are on mute

some people post things and it’s like. truly thank you for being here on this website

rest your eyes imo

How Do You Possibly Fuck This Up That Bad

Got blocked by another dumb bitch

I am a very delicate soul, please step on my neck while you jerk me off.

I'm glad I hated The Notebook. Ryan Gosling was only 16 when they made that movie.

Why don't they make ketchup packets bigger? I mean, just give me one big fucking ketchup packet. I don't need to do this dance three four five times. Do I have to do everything?

I can't believe that being angry all the time isn't the best way to fix everything.

pregnancy is scary because what if the kid grows up and uses chatgpt like it's google

A handwriting analyst said in court that I forged my own signature so now I'm like going to prison.

My lawnmower belt let out a chirp that got all the neighborhood birds horny.

Due to an order mixup, hundreds of bicycle pedals were tossed at the bride and groom.