My resolution, and I think it’s doable, is to run so fast into a chain link fence that I come out as cubes.

i sold my antipsychotic meds to buy my ai girlfriend a new model upgrade for christmas. but then i found out she sold her data center to buy me a gun

@ghostplanet.bsky.social Merry Christmas youtu.be/98zq8VJLHTU?...

Tis the season for Bizarro Santa!

eventually, I'm going to run out of data that companies can monetize by selling. I simply do no generate enough data on my own.

18 Dec 2025

I don't think people outside the US truly understand the horrors of having a flash mob of smiling people singing to you about pharmaceuticals on TV.

SKULL OF THOMAS AQUINAS: TAKE A LEFT NOW PRIEST: No, the GPS says we have to keep going— SKULL: I KNOW A SHORTCUT PRIEST: Do you remember the last ti— SKULL: FOR THOSE WITH FAITH, NO EVIDENCE IS NECESSARY; FOR THOSE WITHOUT IT, NO EVIDENCE WILL SUFFICE

(old man voice) "ella mccay? izzat some ally mcbeal reboot??"

pals you gotta quit spotify

David Byrne, a special guest on ‘Space Ghost: Coast to Coast’.

Here’s my Spotify Wrapped 🎵✨

Was not expecting this blatant xenophobia on my tv first thing in the morning...

*seeing a Detroit legend is about to rise out of the stage behind Jack White* please be Robocop

It’s ok you can say it

Shout outs to everyone else who said "nah" to the free upgrade when it was being aggressively pushed

Me: You are a little guy and nothing you can do will convince me otherwise. The Kitten: (tries to meow but his voice cracks)

Checking in on MechaHitler

“Baby, don’t worry,” he said. “It’s not a worm.” www.vanityfair.com/news/story/o...

Vine reboot called diVine has been launched 📱 • Funded by Jack Dorsey • Includes over 100K videos from Vine's archive • Users can upload 6-second videos • AI-generated content is not allowed

If I had billions of dollars and a massive platform, I'd probably use it for something other than sock accounts, astroturf, and manipulating the tools of my own company to announce to everyone how cool I am.

this is literally never not accurate

The kitten has heard my stomach grumbling but doesn't know what the sound is or where it's coming from and is now climbing into my shirt to investigate.

Happy There Is A Circulatory System Walking Through The Kitchen Day to all who celebrate.

Andy Pages unknowingly fucking up your gambling grift because he's bad at batting is the funniest shit I've ever seen BOSS I'M TRYING TO THROW BALLS BUT HE KEEPS SWINGING

The word of the day on one of my dictionary apps is "elongate" and I read it and thought "oh god what has that stupid prick done this time?" I should log off.

aw dangit, I had my LinkedIn profile frame set to "Open to Werk"

#PostYourPremiums #PostYourPremium I live in one of the better states for health care. My health care plan is more than doubling in cost without the credits and my deductible is increasing by two-thirds. I manage a few chronic conditions.

can't get over this bathroom design. the entire bathroom feels like an optical illusion designed to unmoor you from reality. just trying to poop while your brain struggles to comprehend where one surface ends and another begins. a bathroom that drives you mad.

I collected all the Warioctober drawings from 2023 and you can look at them here in honor of Halloween's birthday tomorrow. Remember 2023? It was ten years ago. nedroid.com/blog_page.ph...

back in my day, we lurked more before posting

43 years ago today, readers the world over opened their newspapers and gazed upon cow tools for the first time. happy birthday cow tools. you look great.

one thing thats kinda crazy to get your head around is not that the musk and thiel masters of the universe are ungrateful for the vast public infrastructure, public funding of research, and robust systems of laws and rules that made their wealth possible. it's that theyre too dumb to understand it

We used to be able to turn on the internet and learn about Previously Undiscovered Types of Guys and now all it is, is Billionaires I Was Previously Only Vaguely Aware of That I Now Hate with the Entirety of My Being

(at the convention to name the animals) (looking at rooster) "This is the only one of these things that roosts, right? Don't want to screw this up..."

Then there's Russ Taylor. "It's just a vehicle. So it's ironic that it would even become a political statement." (Editor's note: Taylor was plead guilty to conspiracy to obstruct an official proceeding in the January 6 attack. He was later pardoned by Trump.) www.wired.com/story/owning...

things bullets say

the guy who caught cal raleigh’s homer was wearing a shirt that said dump 61 here and he immediately took it off and had a shirt that said dump 62 here

We should have required alt text for posts that don't have images but DO have vague, extremely dramatic posts about an ongoing sporting event. when you post "its over its all over" i need to be able to click a little button and see that you're talking about a quarterback named Mac Whimple

It's the time of year to watch horror movies where the spookiest shit is that the leaves are already dead and on the ground and not green and merely chillin' as they are outside.

THE MEME IS REAL

Things are going great over on Twitter if you needed to know

weird that not a single major sports team is reporting a roster change due to a player being raptured. I wonder what that's all about?