Quote this with your reaction to getting left behind during the rapture.

Thought I was being raptured, but I was just driving over a speed-bump.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Contractor: so how'd you want the tits? Perky? Big ole cans? Iowa state legislature: the what Contractor: me and the boys was thinking perky Iowa state legislature: this is for the war dead? Contractor: okay writin' that down as perky

The rapture!

The left wants to destroy us!!! Dude, we just gotta sit here and watch you destroy yourselves.

In Intriguing Furniture news: yesterday I visited Lichfield Cathedral and found a new 13 metre long table made from a 5000-year-old oak log discovered perfectly preserved in a peat bog in 2016. The cut planks took 9 months to dry out, losing 2 tonnes of weight in the process. Definitely haunted...

There would be no way to tell if a butterfly was drunk.

Thank goodness my mother smoked cigarettes instead of taking Tylenol when she was pregnant with me

I know I post a lot of pictures of Eddie, but there’s a good reason I do. #CatsOfBlueSky #Rescuecat

🔴 🙉 Karolying Leavitt 🙉 🐥

Again already? That's awesome. I have prepared a complete history of the Rapture leading up to Tuesday's Rapture:

Hey, everybody! There's a clearance sale at the market place of ideas!

If I start my sentence with "no offense" I'm probably offending the fuck out of you

I find I can’t muster a proper response to either the Tylenol madness or the U.N. appearance. At some point it is just too ridiculous. It would feel insane to offer sane commentary.

As an active member of ANTIFA it is my job to smuggle Tylenol to pregnant women.

I'm just leaving the rapture decorations up for the next one.

I contain multidudes

From Right Field and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Rapture 😩

"That thing you love sucks" and 99 other great phrases for starting fights online!

My cat is 15 years old and this is the first time I ever heard her belch. I glanced over at her and she looked terrified

Government punishing individuals & businesses for speech is literally a First Amendment violation. This isn't some "free speech has private sector consequences" situation. This is exactly what the founders were trying to prevent.

In his eulogy for Charlie Kirk, Stephen Miller made clear that he's perfectly fine with violent rhetoric—as long as he and Trump are the ones spewing it, @jonathanbchait.bsky.social argues.

No idea if it will be a good show or not, but something like this sounds needed at this time. I hope the postponement isn't long. #tv #drama #politics #extremism www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio...

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHH

the fact that so many people frame autism as “a problem that needs to be solved” is a constant reminder that being “not normal” isn’t acceptable to a large amount of the world. it’s the same reason there’s a trans panic right now too. they think people are defective

I’m autistic. Not because of Tylenol. Not because of vaccines. Not because of some headline. I’m autistic because that’s how my brain works. Stop treating us like a problem. Start listening to us.

I'm obsessed with M*A*S*H reruns. I watch them Alda time.

This is Jade. She just met the biggest dogs she's ever seen. But quickly learned they have the biggest hearts too. 13/10 for all (TT: catimtins.pscal)

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I wish people would stop acting like my autism is something that needs to be "fixed"

If "the coworker who microwaves fish" were a person.

1. Vaccines do not cause autism 2. Tylenol does not cause autism 3. Autistic people are actually pretty swell So many more thoughts but too angry/frustrated by this bullshit to pull it together. Sending a hug to all my neurodivergent friends and family. Love those freaky wonderful brains of yours.

Somebody’s getting his belated bday doggy waffle… #Mahomes

babe what’s wrong? you’ve hardly touched your 𝕿𝖍𝖊 𝕽𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖚𝖗𝖊

thank you for liking my posts, i do this instead of drugs

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH

Jesus came back but ICE took him and he hasn't been seen since.

Opinion| Could releasing the Epstein files cause autism?

I am having one of those days where I can't tell if I'm annoying or if everyone else is annoying

I'm a sinner I'm a saint I'll kick you in the taint

I'll tell you who did get raptured today; a whole bunch of my potential future kids.

Apple has pulled The Savant, its series starring Jessica Chastain’s about hunting down white supremacist cells across America, from its immediate release schedule.

Me: "Sweet dog!” Policeman: "Yes, this is our new drug-sniffing dog." Me: "Still in training, huh?" Policeman: "What do you mean?" Me: "Never mind."

I don’t know who needs to hear this, but *revs up chainsaw*

pfft this rapture could’ve been an email