Those two little kids from The VVitch would have loved 6 7

BOTHERSOME CREATURE #2 BEGGING for Sheba Delicate Whitefish and Tuna Entree in Gravy. you get fed FIVE TIMES A DAY. this is the kind of greed they talked about in the bible

bothersome creature begged me for pets all mourning

The thing about the average New Yorker’s objection to open gangway cars - that they’ll make the subway less safe because “bad people” can move between the cars - is that people already go between the cars all the time anyway. I’m tired of being held hostage in the city by people who are afraid of it

The Post Office should sell weed

me taking the last slice of pizza from the box before anyone else can

OH, I'M SURE

why ask for crumbs when you’re baking the bread?

I think a big thing I struggle with, and something that is an important thing for people of my generation to attempt to understand, is separating toxic nostalgia from knowledge of the actual ways in which American life has gotten appreciably worse in my lifetime

🚨 BREAKING: Zohran Mamdani to require all NYC students to carry a 3DS.

had a paint and sip/"brushes and blunts" party at work today and i started painting magikarp

oh, to be a little cat with cured meat for a snack

Zohran: i don't think we should primary Hakeem Jeffries Hakeem Jeffries 1 day later: yes i will vote to pass the "Fuck You, Zohran" bill

the food come out and suddenly we bipedal

i love how every time we try the method of "just giving people money, no questions asked" it's hugely successful but we still can't do it on a large scale Because Reasons

no it's alright i totally understand i guess i'll crawl into the woods and scrap together some kind of pathetic nest out of twigs and dirt

forgive me for the preemptive lib-out but it's going to be so fucking funny watching him lose to jack schlossberg next year

generational run and he's not even in office yet. that's MY mf mayor

What a banger

Next Week's New Yorker cover, illustration by Edel Rodriguez.

Cuomo Announces Plan To Govern New York City As Independent https://theonion.com/cuomo-announces-plan-to-govern-new-york-city-as-independent/

Damn, even the cat voting?

dick cheney dying is truly such a fortuitous and auspicious omen for zohran's mayoral campaign. i can't wait to get so fucking drunk tonight when he wins

if you're running in the new york marathon today FUCK YOU

@cookingguy271: dinner is served! (picture of dinner) @sadmaker: you love black pepper huh @mrpointandlaugh: black pepper boy @uncle2many: save some black pepper for the rest of us lol

Adults should be able to have a grown up trick or treat where they do get a bunch of sharp things and drugs, and then also alot of boring grown up things like boneless skinless chicken breasts and saline nasal spray

princess daisy says "globalize the intifada"

The answer to corruption is publicly financed campaigns. This should be the biggest takeaway from NY’s mayoral race. Thanks to public financing, corrupt oligarchs are about to lose the mayoral race. Our piece for @thenation.com based on our new book MASTER PLAN — pass it on: LeverNews.com/book

she's watching her last brain cell float away

"purity tests are why we keep losing!!!!" and the purity test is just not having nazi tattoos

Platner should've fixed it by adding Calvin peeing on the existing tattoo

Can you imagine the quality of the cocaine Fleetwood Mac was doing? Second Hand News is track ONE on Rumours.

MODERATOR: Your rebuttal, Mr. Cuomo? CUOMO: You know, I have, these people, I have spent many times in an [eye twitching] Islamic Mask- SLIWA: [raising hand] In 1997 I Met A Vampire Inside Katz's Delicatessen

the original is a banger:

eyyy John Locke, what's the date, brotha?

Every customer service agent should have the ability to administer 5 painful but harmless electric shocks to customers through the phone during every work shift

“Mr. Van Hollen saw a different lesson [from his role in the Abrego Garcia case]. ‘This finger in the wind stuff has got to end. We also need to stop deluding ourselves that the problem is all about messaging, or about volume, or style. We don’t just need to fight. We need to fight for something.’”

i met anubis in the realm of the underworld, big strong guy by the way, had a dog’s head, i’m not so sure about that. and he said to me, mr president, you’ve got the heaviest soul we’ve ever weighed down here. can you believe it? they’ve never seen a soul that heavy in all of duat

family guy funniest moments

hey hi hi are we talking about them gutting worker protections still, could we talk about them dismantling the NLRB

Air Canada is cancelling flights and placing the blame on the union striking but before the media manipulates people losing their ability to travel keep in mind that workers are reporting having to eat leftover flight meals because they can't afford groceries

DIY > AI

85% of young men support Zohran Mamdani. 79% of young women support Zohran Mamdani. 67% of Jewish people aged 18-44 support Zohran Mamdani. 65% of Black people aged 18-44 support Zohran Mamdani. Would you have guessed *any* of that with how the media has covered all this?