“Can you explain this gap in your resume?” Me thinking quickly on my feet to explain the period when I worked for ICE: “I was selling drugs… ,uh, to children.”

Number 597: a sandwich press that presses the current price of bitcoin into your panini so you can stay up to date

The elimination of USAID is a moral atrocity and all involved made a choice to enable, and then lie about, ending the lives of some of the most vulnerable people in the world.

History repeats.

I refuse to look up any additional context because it’s much more fun to imagine the possibilities

Trump and Republicans spread lies and scapegoat immigrants to distract you from how they are picking your pockets. Do not be fooled.

when you're in a work meeting with someone who hates meetings exactly as much as you and you're both totally focused on getting through the necessary decision-making hurdles to end the call early i think that's what it feels like in pacific rim when the two mech pilots perfectly sync their brains

Cam Schlittler

"I thought you were the party of peace?? 😭😭😭"

Wow, the University of Washington's Psych 201 class does *not* play go fuckin Huskies Nazi UW students fuck off

Under my administration we captured 3 gray aliens and 2 green

I don't think we'll ever get another sentence which sums up everything the New York Times embodies quite like "Some legal experts have called it a crime to summarily kill civilians".

tylenol is basically worthless, i ate like half a bottle and guess what, still hungry

L!bsofTikTok going ripshit about "the Democrats" being responsible for a GWAR concert is a great reminder that some of the "scariest" people on the right are just unpleasant dorks with bad personalities suffering from some kind of social media attention-based mania.

being criticized as a generation for following the advice and engaging in the systems we were given by the people who dictated them to us in the first place

We’re gonna need a bigger Hague

My body hurts and will probably hurt way more tomorrow. But it’s a lot less pain than what our neighbors are enduring inside the Broadview ICE facility.

The Republican reaction to Kirk’s murder has been a campaign of state repression that ends with Trumpist toadies deciding what Americans are allowed to think, do and say. www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archiv...

“You used to be able to say anything” comedians never been more quiet in their lives

Free idea that literally every Democrat in Congress could and should get behind today: Impeach Brendan Carr.

Anyway, now we know what the FCC thinks is in the public interest: Fox host advocating for executing homeless people? Yes ABC comic suggesting Trumpers are using a death cynically? No

Congratulations fellas, we’ve all moved one spot up on the world’s most handsome man rankings

funny bit would be "conservative NWSL fan mad her team didn't hold moment of silence for charlie kirk"

An antisemite shot two kids in Colorado, at least one of whom is Jewish. The White House “fighting antisemitism” doesn’t care, because the shooter was a student radicalized online into far right beliefs, which the regime is cool with, rather than a student verbally criticizing Israeli govt policy.

“We interrupt news of this shooting to bring you news of another shooting. Don’t be sad about the second shooting though, it was just some kids at a school. Be sad about the first guy, an adult man who encouraged shooting kids at schools“

Sorry am I losing my fucking mind?? @bbc5live.bsky.social currently reporting Charlie Kirk as a “free speech advocate who helped a generation of students with their debating skills”??? He was a racist conspiracy theorist who advocated violence against women and transgender people. He was a bum.

Liberals are doing the right’s job for it. By lionizing Charlie Kirk and refusing to acknowledge his real political project, they’re giving power to the right’s completely predictable effort to use his death to forward their goal of an authoritarian, fascist state.

One of the major problems of our age is that Ezra Klein ascribes to Charlie Kirk a shared commitment to a free exchange of ideas which Charlie Kirk manifestly and expressly did not hold.

It's simple. They see themselves in him. They do not see themselves in his targets.

to my mind the woman who dies of sepsis because of antiabortion laws, or the person who dies because they can't afford insulin -- these are just as much victims of political violence as the man shot through the throat while making a racist speech

WAKE UP. THE PRESIDENT IS DECLARING HIS INTENTION TO USE US TROOPS AGAINST AMERICAN CITIES THAT VOTED AGAINST HIM. If you have access to elites, it’s your moral obligation to go scream at them, physically shake them around if you can, until they realize WHAT IS HAPPENING. Stop pretending!

If Biden had said even one-tenth of this, he’d have been impeached and removed as a dictator. What is wrong with our elites? They’re paralyzed by their fear of looking unsavvy or biased against MAGA. They’re going to keep pretending everything is normal until the bullet passes through their face

conservatives have gotten so fascistic they’re too far gone for the NRA lol

Except Scott Thompson Fuck Scott Thompson

Laura Loomer is threatening jokes about Trump being dead because she has to delay the truth coming out: Secret Service agents found Donald Trump trapped between the toilet and wall. He slid off, got pinned between the two, and asphyxiated from the pressure. Agents describe his body as "in a bra."

A lot of political influencers within the Atlantic/NYT orbit are very, very eager to sell us on the lie that we can get out of fascism by sacrificing trans people. They will beat that drum even louder as the right weaponizes this tragedy. They are liars now & they will be liars in the coming days.

Among all the other things, "The President has screwed things up so badly that the world's other rich countries won't deliver mail to us anymore" really should end it immediately.

A jury of my peers? TWELVE murderers?!

I don't want anything. I'm just expressing my opinion about how you're full of shit. If you weren't so up your own ass, you wouldn't lose your shit when someone mildly disagrees with you. But you do, and you're going to keep doing this shit because you're so infected with online brain.

Yes, you're an asshole bully queen bee who has enough sychophants on here cheering you on for your mean girl bullshit that you've convinced yourself you're some sort of hero.

ok so the times witnessed reporters receiving cash from Adams people three times at mayoral events and sat on it for over a month but couldn’t pass up a hot tip from a neonazi about Mamdani’s unsuccessful college application for long enough to check if the neonazi had already been identified

these guys have no theory of his mind. “he wants to change the subject from epstein!!” my man, he wants to rule over the country as a military-backed dictator and permanently disempower you politically, and probably eventually send me and my friends to camps. a domestic deployment is a big deal!

Uninformed, panicked, outraged: “Children are being starved by the Israeli government!” Informed, calm, unconcerned: “They’re mostly starving SICK children, but I guess that doesn’t fit your narrative.”

Man that took AWHILE