It feels like you’re being mean to me but I’m not entirely sure. I’m kinda turned on, regardless, so thanks.

My mental illness passed so now I get to spend more quality time with my chronic pain. I treasure the moments.

Like Endless Screaming, my reaction to posts is also variations of AAH. Amusement Amazement Horror

Spraying myself with water and bopping my nose with a newspaper because the two wolves inside me are both in heat

She ran calling Wildfire... but it's just me warning my cat the smoke detector is about to go off.

I get it Eeyore, if I had a nail in my ass I’d be in a bad mood too

I remember when the internet was two tin cans and a string.

I think a lot about how they call it Poulet Frit Kentucky in Quebec

I’ll be monitoring the police radio scanner tonight while sipping Sanka from a white porcelain mug.

My attempt at impressing her with the tale of how I scared off a hangry bear on a camping trip was ruined when autocorrect decided I’d fired a warning ‘shit', instead. Now she thinks I'm both a coward and not to be trusted on her furniture.

a thing you ought to know about me is that I’m just not right in the head

Taylor Swift is an excellent example of horseshoe theory. The fash and the fuckwits are almost indistinguishable in their hatred of successful women.

There's not much that brings out the "not my circus, not my monkeys" response more than being assured you'll be "corrected" if your attempts at support don't meet the exacting standards of online strangers.

I didn’t subscribe to life and yet apparently I’m paying for it every single day wtf is this bullshit?

Some of you are here to share thoughts? Gross.

PEOPLE SAY “BEE, YOU SHOULDN’T TYPE ONLY IN CAPS.” “PEOPLE WILL THINK YOU’RE ANGRY” “ITS HARD TO CONVEY TONE IN A TEXT MESSAGE” “YOURE BEING WEIRD” BUT I CAN’T HEAR ANY OF THEIR CRITIQUES BECAUSE IM TOO 👏 BUSY 👏 SCREAMING 👏

BY READING THIS POST YOU CONSENT TO LETTING ME PET YOUR DOG

I was hoping to start 2024 with a new lease on life but my application just got denied.

I work with a flat-earther who thinks straight people are real 🤡

He open carries a meat cleaver when he goes caroling, but that's just him.

Now, a message from Rev. Thurl "Skeet" Ravenscrof: Vodka Shot Bingo 7p to floor featuring an escape room! You have to stock the ark with the right liquor for it to set sail. God bless.

When I say I'm not petty, I mean I wouldn't go all the way thru medical school just to leave you in a room full of mosquitoes before putting you in a full body cast. I would only think about it

I wonder what happened to all that time I used to use having fun on social media. All I know is I don't have it anymore. I checked the couch cushions And the car. Nothing.

I'm feeling really happy, giddy almost. Optimistic, even. 😒 Suspicious. I'm positive I doubled up on my anti-anxiety meds today.

Hot Take: I actually like most things about getting older. I've never felt so confident and capable. It helps that I'm also becoming invisible.

I will make eye contact with you and hit the close door button on the elevator as you’re walking up.

You can come over and watch me practice my samurai swords if you want, but stand back, I’m not very good at them.

One thing they don't tell you about becoming disabled is that if you use a wheelchair, it's easier to punch people in the dick

When you saw only one footprint, then one more footprint, followed by a set of footprints in the sand, it was then I was hopping on the beach to teach you the Fibonacci sequence

Cmon people, we are never gonna get the cocaine back in coca cola if we can't drink herbal caffeinated lemonade without dropping like flies

Each time I microwave a metal spoon, I think of you

Be the reason someone says "why tf are you like this"

I don't like resorting to eavesdropping, but sometimes it's the only way to find out what's going on.

I can tell just by looking at him that this casino shuttle driver wants to hear all about my divorce

jazz hams!

All I was for Christmas is amphetamines, amphetamines 🎶

How do I deal with my depression?... ...I let her live peacefully.

even the dogs have grown weary and cynical

Today, I shall mostly be looking to turn back time, as long as I can find a way.

My ducks refuse to row.

I really only come here to read and learn about the big, fancy words.