Non-Smokey Bear
@linoleum.bsky.social
📤 898
📥 604
📝 2686
🇵🇸
https://bsky.app/profile/did:plc:sdkxyw2r7xlx5kjhsolgagv6/feed/aaadunjlwwyxe
New Year’s resolution - die on the smoking patio of some bar I’m lukewarm on
about 1 month ago
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I see short to medium term growth in the torch and pitchfork sector
about 2 months ago
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Wikipedia aka chicken soup for the autistic soul
about 2 months ago
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Shaming this dead hiker I found for violating leave no trace principles
2 months ago
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ACAB includes guardian angels
3 months ago
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Charlie Spurt
5 months ago
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If Mark Wahlberg was at Kent State, it wouldn’t have went down like it did
5 months ago
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“Peace lily? More like piece of shit lily.” *dropkicks plant across funeral parlor*
6 months ago
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“My bulb is so wet right now” - a doomer talking dirty
7 months ago
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Trying to find the best ufologist because I don’t want a botched vasectomy
8 months ago
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Support the toops, guys
8 months ago
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I like my women like I like my Sig Sauer’s - liable to go off unexpectedly
9 months ago
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TED Talk joi change my life
9 months ago
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ACAB includes ordering off menu
9 months ago
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Lysdexic fa
9 months ago
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I like my women like I like my Keurig K cups - aggressively toxic
9 months ago
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Pope Charlie XCX
9 months ago
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ACAB includes the Staccato P
9 months ago
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They call it the land of the free yet no one has developed a neck fan that doesn’t interfere with the cheek weld on my AR
9 months ago
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Avoid the libertarian zoo. It’s just one emaciated lion and a bunch of sunbleached skeletons
9 months ago
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New product idea - gray mayonnaise aka Grayonnaise
9 months ago
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This album is like twisted fantasy if Kanye realized that other people have feelings too
9 months ago
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The grocery store can’t play Evanescence and expect me not to feel and express Big Emotions
10 months ago
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How is it that the kids eat free promo at Hooters is never on my custody weekend?
10 months ago
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The version of Clue where every room is a goon cave and every weapon a cuck chair
10 months ago
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Touch grass? Nay. Touch receipts until you have BPA coming out the wazoo
10 months ago
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Did you all know that the 5 second rule is a myth (except for liquids)?
10 months ago
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Switching everyone to Windows 11 during Autism Acceptance Month is definitely a mixed message.
10 months ago
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The best way to reduce microplastic intake is to eat animals lower in the food chain. This is why you should stop eating bear.
10 months ago
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Why carry a shotgun in a scabbard while bicycling through town? Because it’d get rusty if it was touching my sweaty, sexy, muscly back, your honor.
10 months ago
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They quit making the extra skeleton bone broth
10 months ago
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ACAB doesn’t include cops with teeny, tiny badges
10 months ago
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5.11 Tactical should make a molle leash for hyperactive libertarians who keep wandering off
10 months ago
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TIL that, on the set of Ghandi, they called Ben Kingsley, Buns Kingsley, because his buns was poppin
10 months ago
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My character references all called me the “Ted Lasso of Masturbation.” They’ve never met.
10 months ago
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They should call them Grape Nutz to appeal to the youth
10 months ago
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What’s the point of having cum gutters if your friends aren’t snorting rails of PB2 off them?
10 months ago
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Favorite pod? Popular Rump hosted by Cake Hanrahan
10 months ago
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Gender reveal tactical nuke
10 months ago
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Got kicked out of med school for calling double pneumonia ‘p-dubs’
10 months ago
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Remember the episode of Home Improvement where he turbocharged his bidet then had to have surgery?
10 months ago
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You don’t see penis gauntlets much anymore
11 months ago
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I’m cuckoo for ergotism puffs
11 months ago
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If you think airbnb is bad, wait til you hear about anoxiabnb. Somehow even worse.
11 months ago
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ACAB includes your father
11 months ago
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I don’t think sex is allowed at Kentucky Fried Chicken, yet here I am, eating Mike’s Hot Honey Box.
11 months ago
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I like my women like I like my coffee, as far away from my beautiful Mormon body as possible.
11 months ago
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@michelenorris.bsky.social
the absolute aggression with which you grilled that homeland security fucker made my day 🫶
11 months ago
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For a richer flavor, substitute water with whole milk while preparing heroin injection
11 months ago
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Today I learned the founder of Adidas was named Al Didas. Absolutely wild.
11 months ago
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