I will never financially recover from this

It's for me. This truck was made for me.

i believe in the indomitable human spirit because across all cultures we have understood to put yummy things inside of dough pockets

im going to ihop and ordering off the secret menu. the meal is called the "old yeller." they take you out back and shoot you point blank.

my bush luxurious, my penis so glorious, my bi be corious

EVERYBODY SHUT THE FUCK UP

call my pussy jupiter the way it gets bitches stupider

had a dream i was in toronto and the CN tower fell over and news headlines were acting like it was canadian 9/11 but nobody in toronto cared we were just like "yeah i guess it's horizontal now"

Wait Am I autistic????

in the club bathroom, snorting huge lines of friendship and love actually

I think we should leave the moon alone!!

Day 2 of eating healthy. Still look the same. Absolutely appalled.

Just a couple friends moments before making a sad discovery

crisis averted: the world isn't an unsalvageable grotesque miscarriage of beauty and righteousness, i just need to wash my hair

My friend actually sent me pizza money for TDOV and it's was incredibly gender affirming

cis ladies… are you sure you want me in the men’s bathroom with your man? [camera zooms out and i’m wearing an acme brand suicide vest]

i cannot imagine a future without trans people because without trans people there isn't a future

LEGO sinkdog (tm) (c) (arr) (etc)

You’ll survive but you’ll be funnier in ways that worries people

When Baz Luhrman had the guns say "sword" on the side in Romeo + Juliet, that was the best choice that has been made in any modern adaptation ever.

the hot dog in me recognizes the hot dog in you

for sale: steampunk top hat goggles, never worn

don’t talk to me until i’ve had my morning cold water blasting my asshole

Cis destination wedding

Might be the greatest opening paragraph of anything ever.

entire dynamic

lmao

I love the Queer community

The Eggo has me laughing so hard

The goo god lives at the glory home, twisting dicks into knots for sport

The update, which was added to Wikipedia’s guidelines late last week, cites the tendency for AI-written articles to violate “several of Wikipedia’s core content policies” as the reason for the ban.

pentagoon. the pentagon but for gooners. they’re jacking off in 5D over there

dude im SO good at experiencing desire, watch this [gets on all fours and throws up like a cat]

you know what? i actually have come around on separating art from artist and from rendering an artist's intent meaningless i fully support the *death* of the author. it would be illegal to say which author's death i support. again, that would be illegal. but just know i fully support it

i guess those celebrating soras death didnt get the memo that some of us need daily personalized greetings from james bond—for mental health

Every time I see a before/after picture like this, I think even the “before” is better than what we have for most school streets in Seattle.

If you see this, post a monster!

Baseball vampire

Imagine you’re a boy in a crowded food court with your bros. You see an empty table and go sit there to claim it for you & the boys. When you sit down, you become a girl & then have sex with your bros & give birth to a bunch of babies under the food court table. Such is the case for Cymothoa exigua.

bro why don't you open a fucking window and let the spring breeze wash over you? Dumbass

Long Day #art

took my 20 year old son out for a nice meal at a fancy restaurant. he ordered milk and a cheeseburger. we're having him euthanised tomorrow

he made the clutch move of ordering milk at the sushi restaurant

My alabaster milk child Teuton keeps asking for ranch dressing at the caviar factory, it is most epic. The fishmongers despise him.

Our Lady of Perpetually Online