gender reveal party for a couple where the husband is really into professional wrestling, and the wife is really into 2000s indie pop: "Kyle O'Reilly or Rilo Kiley?"

hi

hi

i keep seeing posts about that gay hockey show and i cant help but feel like culturally we've come full circle back to Yuri On Ice. dire times

jewish beyonce: "if i were a goy"

Vancouver people love saying things like "i'm going to the Polybius themed brony convention"

I remember back in like 2010 when Adventure Time started, Canada didn't have cartoon network so we weren't getting it. And for like a year I was seeing Jake The Dog merch and images and thought it was the dog from Dilbert. I thought people just loved the Dilbert dog.

i hope timothee chamlet does something problematic so i can justify my irrational hatred of him. i need to find a way to make me just being tired of seeing his face into a woke stance somehow

to be fair, dropshipping is the oldest profession

she tells me to "3 2 1 let it rip" the way i get this babe-laid

It's healed well. A friendly reminder that it will get better.

hmmm today i will shave my body *accidentally slices nipple open like a boss*

her: "your cute" my brain: "she's just pretending to like me" the lego ninjago green ninja tulpa i developed when i was 12 that never went away and gradually became more violent and evil: "you should jump up kick back whip around and spin kick a baby. Also she hates you dude."

*animorphs into a tapeworm and begins to shrivel up and die because i have no host*

Insane 2009 relic i found today

dancing on the corpses ashes

i'm getting drunk with your dad rn and he keeps randomly doing racist accents

The Menstruation Siblings 🔥🔥🔥

once i form my band "Gay Down With Webster" it's over for you all

saw a fb marketplace post that was like "ISO cds for my 14 year old son for christmas" and his most wanted CD was Stars Of The Lid - And Their Refinement of the Decline. are the kids okay. like genuinely.

why is the guy from Nü Sensae in the new street fighter movie

IM NOT BULLSHITTING YOU. IM NOT LYING. IT WAS RIGHT THERE. ITS REAL.

guy who loves charli xcx for her essays devastated to find out her music sounds like that

had a dream i had one billion litres of crude oil

becoming the opposite of an incel. gonna voluntarily make it so other people can't have sex

had a dream i was at a cafe and the nonbinary barista took 2 hours to make my coffee and it pissed me off. the government is blasting nonbinary hatred into my brain while i sleep and i am not falling for it. love you they/thems.

realphabetizing the cds and i have run out of storage and fear it might be time to downsize a little

thinking it's time i get my shit together and go out and buy groceries so i have some real food at home,,, but the emergency box of triscuits i keep at the back of the cupboard is giving me slutty looks right now

average twitter discourse post: (blue checkmark white mom) "some minorities give me the ick tbh" vaguely leftist influencer quote tweet: "erm,,, did she really just say that???" average bluesky discourse post: "being transfem is inherently bourgeoisie"

going to the store to buy a soda does anyone want anything

please ignore my dirty mirror

they should invent armpits for other parts of the body

god i wish that was me

"me and who"ing about the 2007 Swiffer commercial with the bowling ball and mop

i'm heteroflexible and neurospicy with they/them energy in a tenderqueer way

coming to the crushing realization that i can't quit my job because that means if i quit my job i won't have the stress and a task to focus on and someone to tell me what to do and without that i'd be left alone with my thoughts and have to actually think about what i want in life and the horrors

they should make a prequel to Jason Bourne called Jason Birthe

why do movies always do foreshadowing. wouldn't it be a better twist if they never show it and at the end they're just like "oh yeah that checkov guy? he secretly had a gun this whole time!"

in an unforeseen twist of events, the unstoppable force has opted to go around the immovable object

i barely even recognize myself

if i had a clone i would have sex with them but it would be out of pity

republicans: "we need to make people suffer more" democrats: "erm... that's bad" *does nothing about it* your friend who keeps trying to convince you to give The Front Bottoms another shot: "no dude, you don't get it, it's supposed to sound bad"

I wish i had like. A remote control. That i could use to fast forward time. And also like pause it. I think that would be a novel idea.

I THINK YOU AND MY FRIENDS SHOULD HANG OUT O-O-ON THE WEEKENDS

on week 4 and my mental health has declined to a point where i am just unironically blasting skrillex all day

might fake my death and move to toronto but keep this on the dl

you can't spell skrillex without krill in the sex

Day 17. I am - as the kids would say - "crashing out big time"

oh my. fucking god,,,