you need to MOGG (Meditate On Great Genres of literature)

some of you are looksmaxxing when you need to be booksmaxxing

i don’t want impeachment, i want (redacted)

Here it is, your moment of zen.

roses are red violets are blue tom homan’s a bitch greg bovino, too

When I say I stand on business this what I mean.

US Coast Guard chain of command: Admiral → Commandant → Secretary → Guy Fucking Kristi.

Bovino advanced all the way to within eyesight of Paisley Park, but his supply lines were stretched too thin and ultimately his frozen troops were encircled by Will Stancil and wine moms with whistles

No Kings includes Draft Kings

Curling shouldn't be the only sport where they mic the athletes. I wanna hear the luge-ers scream in terror the whole time

I keep hearing rumors that there's gonna some kind of football game going on at the Bad Bunny concert tomorrow.

i am trying not to joke about the Epstein stuff because it's so horrible but there's also this ridiculous element where it's like... discovering Dracula is real, he's taken over human society at the highest levels, he's involved in tons of evil and also he's a huge dipshit

it's unbelievable to me that someone could actually be a trillionaire. i think most of us have trouble internalizing how much money that truly is. let me put it in simple terms for you: a trillion dollars is three million dollars

and coming up next at the national prayer breakfast we have this golden calf that we’re all worshiping now, lets get those hands in the air for the golden calf everybody

i appreciate that you described the razor-edged pendulum swinging back and forth above us, and noted in detail that it is also slowly descending towards the table we're strapped to. and yet i can't help but ask why you failed to condemn these acts or make clear to your audience that they are bad?

New fuck/marry/kill list just dropped

Guy who doesn’t understand how money works: What if we cut the sports page?

Effective Immediately, All ICE Agents to Now Collect Bodycam Footage for DOJ to Conceal, Destroy

CLAIM: It's not a crime to party with mr. epstein FACT CHECK: True! Many people who partied with epstein have escaped justice

telling my adorable daughter i'm not putting the drawing she made on the fridge because it's toddlerslop

Why no reviews for Melania's movie? Let me guess. RELEASE THE MELANIA REVIEWS!

Seeing the Melania movie because I finished in last place in my fantasy football league.

friend of mine is an undocumented immigrant and has been hiding in Melania theaters bc he knows people assume no one is in there

“Melania” is truly the worst experience I’ve had in a theater” -Abraham Lincoln

People who begin by shooting animals they find unpleasant or not worthy of living often turn out to be serial killers. Remember that when you think about Kristi Noem.

listen here you stupid leftoid, if you just voted blue in 2024, ICE would be ruining the lives of immigrant families quietly and efficiently in a way where we wouldn't have to hear about it on the news

i have just gotten off a productive call with sauron where i laid out our requests - nazgul bodycams - morgul knife must remain sheathed unless suspect is determined to be carrying the one ring - shelob will be the new point of contact

stop using AI to do your research. it hallucinates too often. if you want an answer to something, post something arrogant on the appropriate subreddit. something like: "this item performs 10% better than everything else. only idiots deny this." this will bait nerds into doing your research for you.

They murdered a nurse who cared for military veterans & then called him a terrorist.

1st term: Flood the zone with shit 2nd term: Flood the zone with blood

they're executing moms and nurses in the street. they're using preschoolers as bait. they're stealing people's dads and grandmas and children. they're tear gassing babies. they're staking out schools. there is no remedy but abolition. any proposal that doesn't start there is an act of violence.

Abolish ICE, abolish DHS, redistribute the other agencies, prosecute actual criminals, such as people who commit execution-style murders of Americans in broad daylight.

It must be wild being a Republican. Literally no beliefs other than a burning desire to have a bigger, more confident man tell them what to do.

The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppress. — Frederick Douglass

You can tell things are going well in America because accounts with names like MovieTVFunZone are posting things like, "THE PIGS ARE KIDNAPPING CHILDREN AND PRIESTS. THE TREE OF LIBERTY DEMANDS TO BE WATERED"

Look, I believe in casts, but if a parent has strongly-held anti-cast beliefs, they should be allowed to let their kid’s broken arm grow back all floppy and fucked up, even to the point of lifelong, debilitating pain. And that’s not child abuse because a kid’s bones are their parents’ property

Me my whole life: Nothing is black and white. You have to consider nuance Now: We face a heinous, remorseless evil

In a normal world, "US treasury secretary endorses American annexation of Canadian territory" should be front page news

It really is amazing to listen to a guy who faked bone spurs to avoid serving in the military denigrate combat veterans of our allies while also using “we” when referencing the historical sacrifices and bravery of our own soldiers.

lol: that is, or in principle could be, amusing actual lol: I have produced a sound, contrary to social convention lmao: I appreciate the humor of the situation actual lmao: nearby strangers are becoming concerned rotfl: that is genuinely funny actual rotfl: emergency services are already en route