if i get stuck behind one more person driving ten under the speed limit i’m going to stop believing in patience

life would be a lot easier if other people weren’t so damn annoying

i was just googling cyber monday deals and why was my suggested search “how to beat my meat with lotion”

sitting on someone’s lap would fix me

being breedable isn't going to get you out of this one

wondering why i feel like garbage and then remembering i forgot to feed my tiny mortal body again

a holiday swamp princess @sheev.calamitousintent.com @sushisiren.bsky.social the best, thank you 🥹🤍

she's a ten, but she *always* looks at you with fuck me eyes

im glad everything sucks and is bad actually, this is what i always wanted

goodnight, i hope your pillow stays cool on both sides

yes honey everything is definitely about you all the time

i’m so happy! i’m drinking homemade hot cocoa

sext: “chips were on sale so i bought you four bags at the store”

im doing my reptile “lay still and hope problems evaporate” enrichment activity

sorry for my behavior recently im undiagnosed with something

i’m going to crawl inside their ribcage and live in there

i'm too emotionally intelligent for this

i don’t play nicely with stupid people, sorry

wow i’m angry and i hate everything

Being pounded into a mattress might fix me.

Before u unfollow me for being annoying remember that it’s not my fault my parents didnt love me

screaming and kicking my feet because i don’t want to go to work

Everything I've ever said is the dumbest shit of all time

sorry i didn’t text back i was sunbathing with my mouth open

off to dream little crocodile dreams

babe, 10pm swamp zipline adventure let's go

i hate that i just needed a man to open a pickle jar for me

tomorrow might be monday but its going to be a good day or else

my tummy hurts because i ate cookies with zero self-control like a menace

bite first, ask questions later

I don't have to deal with you bye

Sorry I just extremely don't care about that

some of you are so hot it makes me sick

what if i took another nap

big dramatic crocodile sigh

Transphobic people deserve to get punched in the face

panic attack over my google calendar

hello

we should try real democracy one time

i won’t bite unless you ask nicely

sometimes im withering but other times im rotting and festering and then occasionally i will decay

trying very hard not to crash out completely irl so instead i’m on here making my little posts

my handle on reality is invalid

brb chasing a small mammal

Be nice to me for any nefarious reasons and I’ll happily walk into a trap.

my love language is lurking ominously in shallow water

sorry i didn’t text back i was sunbathing with my mouth open