The only halftime show I want to see is Gianni Infantino resigning before being fired into a high Earth orbit by cannon.

The 25/26 Premier League run-in

Congratulations to the white-coated boffins at Tunnock’s Teacakes for their vital contribution to the Artemis II mission. 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

"Kanye! Kanye, it's Marvin. Your cousin, Marvin West. You know that new sound you're looking for? Well, listen to this"

Average American vs average Japanese

George Michael's unused song titles: Negligent Mars. Impetuous Bounty. Reckless Twix.

Watching #TOTP I can see where the idea came from to make GIFS of people saying stuff that doesn't match up with their facial expressions.

S Club 7 Birmingham 6 Guildford 4 S Club qualified for the next round #TOTP

I'm not a prude, but should a charity shop be offering those sort of services?

Musk’s Wealth 2012: $2 billion 2026: $827.2 billion Bezos’ Wealth 2012: $18.4 billion 2026: $222.7 billion Zuckerberg’s Wealth 2012: $17.5 billion 2026: $204.2 billion Federal Minimum Wage 2012: $7.25 2026: $7.25 Three words: tax the rich.

🎵If you like piña coladas, & sharks on cocaine🎵

BOTD in 1931, legendary Star Trek actor Leonard Nimoy.

If the world gets screwed up bad enough the robots won’t even want to take over

Should they get divorced she'll end up getting a tidey sum...

I don't normally subscribe to the "German has a word for it" thing because all languages can invent and borrow new words! That said, I can't stop thinking about "hobbyless" as an insult since I saw it a few days ago, so here you go It promotes a growth mindset!! www.tumblr.com/abbiistabbii...

Diddly dump

What a time to be alive, it makes you proud to be British.

Nightmare Blunt Rotation

Europeans when asked to help unblock the strait of Hormuz:

CONAN: “For the first time since 2012 no British people are nominated for Best actor or best Actress… a British spokesperson commented, ‘Yeah, well, at least we arrest our pedophiles.’" #Oscars

BREAKING: Military officials are reportedly having problems getting the soldiers training for a potential Iranian invasion to stop sarcastically yelling, “For Epstein!” every time they salute each other, and have likened it to the Gen Alpha “6-7” craze.

Sorry, won’t try to care about gulf states they got into bed with the devil and have done for years, shame on them

Every time she farts outside her neighbours must think shes doing a gender reveal.

Put badgers or something on £10 notes but one in every 100,000 has Paddington on and if you get one you die in 7 days.

Not a famous person as such, but all I did was ask them why they were posting about Christmas in August.

Not to brag but I just got my latest pension statement and as long as I retire in 1997 my retirement should be extremely comfortable.

As much as I enjoyed todays F1 race (the first half at least) I can't help but think it's all a bit artificial in terms of outright racing & it's all about which driver has the best buttons to bash on their steering wheel under the new rules.

I'm 100% convinced Claude was inspired by Talkie Toaster.

You can be happy that an evil piece of shit is dead without thinking that the state should be able to kill people. They are two different things, you boring, pedantic wankers.

Any motorists using the M6 should expect lung delays.

So they censored out the singer from Geese saying free Palestine at the Brits and Jack Whitehall having a dig at the Labour Party table about Peter Mandelson, very normal country we live in

There was bloke who used to drink in my local called Alan, but everybody called him 'Stunt cock' because he looked like Ron Jeremy.

Finally, the bug is back with a round of the Guinness.

Periodic reminder that behind every politician is who describes the solution to societal ills as “family” is always a person who is religiously false, patently a sexual monster, a fraud or a combination of the 3.

'Being detained at your brother's pleasure' will never not be funny

Is he sweating now?

lent and ramadan kicking off on the same day

Cowardly statement from Mourinho. Vini Jr celebrating a goal wasn't the problem, that little racist rat Prestianni was.

Bet that goes down well...

Let your other half know you REALLY love them this Valentines by telling them on social media even though you're in same room as each other.

Turns out piss beer from an irredeemable arsehole isn't a sustainable business model. Oh well.

🎵Alright stop, collaborate & listen, Bark Lice are back with a brand new invention🎵

The more I think about this pair ever existing the more I begin to understand why this country is the way it is x

Fuck your ChatGPT, if I want to see a caricature of myself I will make the effort to go to the seaside and pay £15 for a cruel man to give me body dysmorphia like we’ve always done.

Eddie the Beagle.

'Ignore the smears: I was never a close friend of The Dark Lord Sauron. And I fully understand the lessons we must learn.' - Saruman.