As Jaws is currently showing on BBC2 hear is some top level movie trivia to go with it.

muiqefij chierpmas

“It’s 5 O’clock somewhere” I mumble to myself as I snort another line of Quality Street.

Birmingham Bullring wishes all its patrons a very Merry Aptio Setup Utility and a Happy New BIOS Information ✨

SCROOGE: you there, boy! what day is it? BOY: i don't know, i'm like six SCROOGE: well fuckin – can you ask someone

Popped out to do a bit of Christmas shopping down the local shopping centre which took all of 15 minutes & so far I've spent nearly an hour trying to get off the car park, it like a cross between purgatory & being stuck in the event horizon of a black hole.

Recreate the magic of A Christmas Carol for an elderly relative by waking them repeatedly to tell them where they’ve gone wrong in life.

I don't think Trump should get access to standard medical care, he should have to let RFK Jr treat him

standing under some parsley and hoping a lasagna will kiss me

No thanks, if I wanted that I'd get a spray tan.

There’s a Spanish version of “once bitten, twice shy” that translates to “those burnt by milk, see a cow and cry.” A Korean variant is “a person who was bitten by a tortoise gets startled when they see a pot lid.” But the most pithy phrase is the Finnish Siperia opettaa. It means “Siberia teaches.”

Calzone is what would happen if David Cronenberg made a pizza.

KITCHENWARE COMPANY BOSS: So, did you come up with a name for that revolving food tray, Susan? SUSAN: No, couldn't be arsed.

Be the change you wish to find in your pocket when you don’t want to give a note to the charity collector.

What a lot of the cardboard Christians (whose reason for their faith is largely about hating other faiths) can't really embrace is empathy for people who aren't them (poor, marginalised) and so at Christmas they can't really suddenly participate. These people have cancelled their own Christmas.

You could rig up a dynamo to George Orwells' grave & power every household in the world with all spinning he is doing in it right now.

Is it ok to eat a loch monster’s vegetables? Not Nessie’s celery.

This entire grift relies on convincing people that they don't know how to do the things they have always known how to do, and ironically, if it works, we will, in a very short amount of time, forget how to do all the things we have always known how to do.

The boys and girls of Clacton with some fantastic Reform-inspired Xmas card designs this year. 🎄

Bellend d’Or?

Get a load of this. 😆

Just managed to catch a glimpse of the last supermoon of 2025 through a break in the clouds. I think you'll agree its pretty spectacular.

They come with a Goeringing endorsement.

Happy seventh birthday to Sir David Attenborough not being in the nudd.

SHAFT!

Nigel Farage shows off the new Reform limited edition shirt.

For that much money I'd want to be able to personally caress Marc Cucurella's luxurious hair; perhaps put both hands in it and wiggle them round going 'ruh ruh ruh ruh ruh' as I might on the back of a Highland Terrier

There weren't any trains in the bible, dumb dumb

Lovecraft & M. R. James could only dream of writing a sentence like this.

The toilets however will be in the UK.

If you see this, quote post with the energy you bring to bluesky:

Just checked my files, I did this picture about three weeks before Johnson announced the first lockdown.

No Solids Crew.

🎵Sometimes you wanna go, Where everybody knows your name, & they're always glad you came...🎵

They hate vinyl?

Pardon #TOTP

Me when I tried Original Source mint & tea tree shower gel for the first time.

I think we need to stop calling it empathy and go back to calling it decency. It isn't a favour you're doing someone else, it's you proving that you aren't a fucking ghoul

This is going to end in tears one way or another.

I'm convinced FIFA only exists to see how much the governing body of a sport can push the limits of corruption & stupidity unchallenged.

Sharky & Georges' arch nemesis.

Just seen the new John Lewis ad, a middle class, wealthy dad is reminded of his clubbing days by his surly son, goes out and scores some e's and cheap blow from a whimsical animated character in a car park. He's arrested dancing in just a shirt on a roundabout on Boxing day. Where Love Lives plays.

Did I hear RFK jr say there are no autistic Amish people? The religious community who believes there is only one way to do everything and that way has been frozen in time since the 1850s? I put it to you that there are only Autistic Amish people

I'd just ate a plate of spare ribs in a posh restaurant & before I knew it a drink arrived at the table which had citrus rind in it. I swug it off & turned to the waiter & asked what the drink was as it was refreshing: "The finger bowl" replied the waiter as he scowled at me like Iike I was a wasp.

I'm dressing up as the Tuesday that follows a bank holiday Monday, truly terrifying!

I believe that's the month between Septempril and Novembruary.

My name is Ozymandias, king of bins: Look on my works, ye mighty, & despair!

Wow - those are quite phenomenal headlines given the details of the story. Ahh look, he’s just a ‘nerdy’ guy. No harm done. You need to scroll down to paragraph 13 of the Sky piece to find the full story! 🧵 1/9

The shark says he is ready to offer "security guarantees" that he won't eat anybody, insisting that he has no hostile intentions towards our bathers