Tell me a few surprising things you've not done, with one lie 👍 I have never: Seen Top Gun Eaten a pear Visited a Starbucks Had baked beans on toast Visited Disneyland Watched Martin Clunes bag for him while he went for a piss at airport gate Had an overnight stay in hospital Been skiing

French ex colleague used the expression wine-monger He was also the guy that replied this to me

A few people have commented on my 'reverse dry shake'. Basically - a route to a glorious, foamy head. If you shake the cocktail THEN add ice to shake again it's a dry shake. If you shake everything with ice (no egg white) THEN discard ice & add egg before shaking again this is reverse dry shake.

Please be careful Link!

Tuesday

When the world was introduced to Barry Shitpeas. (Seriously though. 20 years????) youtu.be/1xU57gP0Kzw

Finished off small prophets tonight. Yeah, it's a gem

Never seen this before. Fucking brutal! youtu.be/J9n0_5p8XKo

Someone's clearly not a fan of elderflower

Who wants a bash at naming this number? Fancy being immortalised as something frothy, sour and alcoholic? Ok....GO!

Look at the head on that. Monday night cocktails are happening because...fuck it! I have put together a twist on a white lady with genever, elderflower liqueur, triple sec and Muyu Vetiver Gris (swear I'm not making that up) Reverse dry shake for 90 seconds to get a 2 inch head (ooh matron etc)

Now, there's a perfectly ordinary English sentence...

Shake, baby shake

I went to look up a restaurant in Scotland that I remember visiting a few years ago. Sadly they have closed down, but I noticed this response to a 1 star review. Well, shit! They weren't playing around...

Not one of you utter bastards reminded me about this??? Ok, I see how it is...

Yeah...

😊

Superb!

I have a feeling I will be using this one a lot #TOTP

There aren't 4 more beautiful words in the English language! 🫶🏻

Bought myself a warm jumper today. A really nice one in the style that I've wanted for ages. Feel guilty and thinking about returning it. Please form an orderly queue to slap me, Airplane-style

Couldn't watch the Celtic game today because I was busy. I am off the alcohol for a while. Stopped eating nightshades (potato) while my gut fixes itself (and also no butter or milk allowed) My Irish DNA is screaming at this point! May as well be a protestant and have done with it.

Bath Abbey today

Some end to that Arsenal Chelsea game

Literally playing to one man and a dog

Iykyk

Last minute penalty at Ibrox????

Both the temperature and the mileage are oddly satisfying

Getting older is just a series of hangovers that get more evil. It starts with the "want to die" hangover in your twenties The the "think you're ok for the first hour" hangover Then the 2 day hangover. Then the food hangover. Followed by the "did absolutely nothing to deserve this" hangover

Only just realised the sound that Jays make 😐

Wanted to go to bed 2 hours ago but youngest asked if she could watch Grosse Point Blank with me and I'm a decent father so... 🥱

Rest of world watching on like:

Anyone know what this little guy/girl is?

Same energy 🤏🏻

All this talk of university visits and charging children rent while I'm sitting here looking at photos in the kitchen of eldests first day at school has me feeling a little delicate this morning 😐

Sake, man!

In the story of Humpty Dumpty it is never said that he is an egg. However, it is never said that he is NOT an egg. This means that any character in ANY story could be an egg unless explicitly stated otherwise. Keep that in mind when you read a Jack Reacher novel

Youngest has asked if she can go to university in the US

Fucking hell, it has properly kicked off on LinkedIn concerning my old company. Toxic doesn't even begin to describe it...

Cheered myself up by booking a little trip to the homeland next month as a recce in case eldest gets into St Andrews (fingers crossed)

Goodnight! 🫶🏻 (Yes I know the heart shaped hands thing is vomit inducing but frankly the most emotional I have got this year is seeing all the female athletes at the winter Olympics doing it and being so supportive of each other, letting me forget the horrors of the world for 5 god damn minutes)

Post a pic you took to bring some zen to your feed

Me, about to eat a kit kat #TOTP

Right. Sorted it. Easily enough for 4 people. Best with a tagliatelle-type pasta

Right, off to have my mushroom pasta. Enjoy your evening 🫡 #TOTP

Kylie gets an eyeful of Michael Hutchence about to join her in the bath #TOTP

I remember the 'cool' kids at school changing the lyrics to "gimme dope, Joanna. Gimme marijuana" when the strongest thing they'd ever had was a sherbet double dip #TOTP

Not a fan! #TOTP