"Next time you'll have the fucken' money, capiche?"

🎃

Bed for the night...

I have only just learned about the term "bio break" and now I want to smash things...

I am pissing myself laughing at all of these this evening! (Ironically - THAT'S real Britain)

Call me a prude if you want to, but I do think it's really weird to use your conference speech to list your favourite wanking euphemisms

Oh good Lord, what have I done???

**Rolls eyes so fast they fly out top of skull**

Eghh-uuugghhhhhhh!

Our survey says...

Place your bets, people!

Our lord and master

Has anyone here had a flu or COVID more than twice already this year? I am worried I might be imagining things!

The carpet of that office

Oh, piss....

If I win the euromillions I wouldn't tell anyone, but there would be signs* *Signs being an animal rescue sanctuary on an island which would hold a different music & cocktail theme each evening - a massive "Fuck off, bigots" sign hanging over the front door.

3pm meeting with boss cancelled at last minute!

September 30th/October 1st

This can get into the bin and then be catapulted into the fucking sea!

All you people that liked and recommended Dept Q?...I am taking names.

My heart stopped...

It's this picture that should be on every bridge and lamppost

Argh. She didn't hold back! On the plus side my teeth feel brand new - probably the closest it gets to experiencing a Dr Who style regeneration

Imagine retiring and never having to open LinkedIn ever again.

Got this today. Preparing to feel like Ralph Wiggum

Tuesday

This tagline only works if you are Sean Connery

For anyone invested in the story of my pasta sauce I have managed to save it this evening by creating a separate sauce (of blended fresh tomatoes, garlic and wine) then bringing them together and adding a bit of milk. I now have about 40 litres of fantastic sauce 🤪

I swear this mofo only does this to wind me up when he sees me on my work laptop after hours.

Email from Ticketmaster: "RUSSELL HOWARD IS BACK!!!!"

Snuck out of work an hour early!

Wibble!

Someone at work is voting Reform "to give UK politics an overdue shake up"

Have a strange sense of foreboding this week

Monday...

Don't really follow the golf but I believe a GIRFUY is in order?

Weird question for a Sunday night... But how long can you hold your breath for? 90 seconds for me

Age yourself with a film you saw in the cinema as a kid

St Ives memory

It's for you-hoooooooooo!!!!

"Why must you annoy me so?"