One of Michael Jackson's favourite meals was a slow cooked goat stew. Billy Tagine. No...You shut up.

How I'm walking out of 2025.

*Me sitting on my own in the living room* "Hmmm. Maybe Platoon isn't a Christmas movie after all."

People in the Western Isles do their Christmas shopping in the Mall of Kintyre. #TOTP

Baccara was a Spanish female vocal duo formed in 1977 by Spanish artists Mayte Mateos and María Mendiola. Yes sir...I can Google. #TOTP

Wife's out Bublé on. I'm not sure what the album is called, but I suspect it's "Have an Autotuned Christmas".

Merry Christmas everyone, especially my #Playschool Babies. Be kind, considerate and compassionate as the festive season continues. Spread joy everywhere you go and remember the best gift you can give is unconditional love ❤️🎄❤️

HE'S BEEN! HE'S BEEN! I'd give it 5 minutes, if I were you.

Level Complete! Happy Christmas All!

He's making a list, Redacting it twice...

The famous "Hand of Madge". #TOTP

King's speech will be a doozy this year. It's been Charles's "Andus Horribilis".

Nostalgia, eh? It's not what it used to be...

Everyone knows about the Beefeater soldiers who guard the Tower of London. We do not hear so much, though, about the Harvester Marines, nor the Greene King Wednesday Night Curry Special Commandos.

SCROOGE: you there, boy! what day is it? BOY: i don't know, i'm like six SCROOGE: well fuckin – can you ask someone

Nice sunset from the beach this evening.

How I’m arriving at the Bluesky Xmas Party

Paedo McPaedo-face.

When you've already done your Christmas shopping.

My wife's just found out that she has 2 seasons of Emily In Paris to catch up on. My reaction...

🎵🎶 Summer Oven Had me a blast Summer Oven Happened so fast Met a girl Crazy for brie Made egg tart Had it for tea... 🎵🎶 Excerpt from the musical "Quiche".

Angstrom Management #ASongOrMovieForAllAboutLength

People found guilty of not using punctuation deserve the longest sentence possible.

Meaning of flashing headlights according to the highway code... "I am here." Actual possible meanings... "You go first." "Cheers." "You're going too slow." "You're going too fast." "Plod is about." "Top man." "Wanker." "Hi Brian, how are the kids? Did you hear about Bob...the dirty get!" Etc...

A Christmas carol as some light relief from the Epstein files... We three ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ of ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ are, Bearing ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ we travese ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️. ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ and ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ Moor and ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️ Following yonder ⬛️⬛️⬛️⬛️. Chorus and other verses will be published later. #EpsteinFiles #Epstein

Some people call me the space cowboy... the blind bastards. #TOTP

The most popular scarecrows are dressed like Lech Walesa, Robert Lewandowski and Pope John Paul II - it was revealed today in a straw pole.

BBC trying to spin England's performance into a positive. #Ashes #AusvEng

I will be mostly working on my abs today. Bloody autocorrect...should read keb-abs.

Just thinking out loud... Couldn't FIFA create an alternative, inaugural "Special-Ashes" Prize that could be awarded to England? #Ashes #AusvEng

When England avoid the follow-on. #Ashes #AusvEng

A parallel universe where the movie is The Karaoke Kid, and Mr Miyogi is a washed-up, cruise-lounge singer. The climax is Daniel-san hitting the high note of Angels - while all Cobra Kai can muster is a lacklustre version of Unchained Melody. Might have given this too much thought tbh.

If Gil Gerard's tombstone doesn't have "THE BUCK STOPS HERE" on it, I guess I'll have to travel to 2491 and do it myself

What's the difference between Irritable Bowel Syndrome and the England Cricket Team? IBS gives you the runs. #TheAshes

Had to stage an intervention today and confiscate (and eat) the rest of the Quality Streets. Not all heroes wear capes.

That moment you realise that Adobe Acrobat documents are PDF Files.

Watching Sky Sports Multiview.

Meet the FOC-kers. #ASongOrMovieForThingsForFree

Wondering if Top of the Pops will still be number one when I see it next in 2026. #TOTP

Fun Fact: If you set your Word font type to "Ancient", and your text alignment to "Justified", your saved document gets the file extension ".klf".

Having a bit of time off from #LunchPun but hope to come back in January in 2048x1536... ...at least that's my New Year Resolution.

Once a week I put on a priest's outfit and wander around calling myself Father Jim. It's my Altar Ego.

Didn't want to go to the USA anyway...

Walking through the streets of an average UK city these days. 🙄

Alfie Bowe must be out of his cooking mind here. #CelebrityMasterChef

Who do FIFA think they are with those ticket prices - Oasis?

David Bowie's jacket on display at Bromley Central Library. He first wore it when performing with The Konrads in 1963/4, and he added the ink stripes when he joined The Riot Squad in 1967

Dancing under a pole that gets progressively lowered - Limbo. Dancing under a pole that gets progressively lowered but is covered in tinsel - Crimbo.

Me after doing my 6 Christmas cards while my wife does the other 60.

Turns out Liam Neeson possesses a particular set of bullshit.