Not happy with the DJ playing Rocking All Over The World. I didn't say anything as I didn't want to upset the Status Quo.

Just heard that splashdown will be broadcast later on today - so Putin's finally released that hotel video then? #Artemis

Got to leave #TOTP early tonight as I am off to my cousin's 60th birthday party. Expect i will hear the same songs there tbh.

Gloria Gingerfan. #TOTP

I saw Travis at Venue Cymru last year. They were really good, but wanted us to pogo at the end of a two hour set. Well...they can f*ck right off. #TOTP

Bran Van 3000 bringing some well needed fibre to the show. #TOTP

At this point in the slow demise of #TOTP, the chart was an irrelevance compared to who Radio 1 wanted to promote.

Two doses of Texas? #TOTP

Fun Fact: TLC stands for "Try Lube Cupcake". #TOTP

So were Binary Finary there at number 11 in the charts or number 3? (Binary gags always come in 2's btw) #TOTP

There are 10 types of people in the world - those that like Binary Finary and those that don't. #TOTP

Top of the Pops playing songs that have not yet been released? Isn't this breaking the Trade Description Act or something? #TOTP

Can't Stop the Rock - John Cena might argue otherwise. (Chuckles to self at obscure WWE reference) #TOTP

When you switch on early and you're met with an image of Thatcher. #TOTP

Just heard that splashdown will be broadcast later on today - so Putin's finally released that hotel video then? #Artemis

Denying you've just had a piss in the pool to all the other bathers as the water around you slowly turns blue. #Melania

From a post: “Told my wife to have dinner ready by 6 or I'll obliterate her entire civilization. So anyway, she now charges me a fee to use the bathroom that used to be free, and I didn't get any dinner, but I'm pretty sure I won that exchange.”

Good Evening America. The lies linking me with shit in the woods need to stop tonight.

melania causing quite the covfefe

Terrible news about that aircraft that came down on the local cemetery. So far, authorities have recovered 3500 bodies.

Just changed channel to see the lunchtime news and caught the end of Bargain Hunt. "...and the winner today with plus $100 million a day are...Iran."

It would be total bantz now for the Nobel Committee to give the next Peace Prize to Pakistan for facilitating the cease fire.

Armageddon is terrible, but our only other option was diversity trainings at work.

Also the Wireless festival organisers:

Also the Wireless festival organisers:

Handy Hint for the Day: With the threat of total, global Armageddon hanging over all of us, probably best to return those library books while there's still time.

#UxbridgeEnglishDictionary Defunct: Performed an exorcism on someone possessed by Michael Jackson.

While Artemis 2 is on the other side of the moon we should all put on ape outfits just for a laugh.

Did I tell you about Biden and the autopen?

This is definitely a face that only Mrs Norbot should ever get to see.

I’m reminded of Churchill: ‘We shall f*cking fight those bastards on the f*cking beaches, we shall fight on the f*cking landing f*cking grounds, we shall fight in the f*cking fields & in the f*cking streets,we shall fight in the f*cking hills; we shall never f*cking surrender.’

Just a matter of time now before Donald Trump drops the bomb... ...I'm talking about the C-Bomb obviously.

Fixed it... #Trump

No Easter Eggs for me today, but my lovely wife got me a three-pack of Fry's Turkish Delight instead. Far superior. (Prepared to duel with anyone who says otherwise - Freddo's at dawn.)

To be fair to him, after all these years, he still sucks.

That’s lunch sorted. 😁

Jesus has re-entered the chat

Storm Dave is picking up.

Going to "Let It Be" there myself. Until next time. #TOTP

Ruby Turner has ironically never operated a lathe. She does allegedly like the scent of swarfega however. #TOTP

Herp Nostradamus. 👀 #TOTP

If you were sent a private letter telling you the Fine Young Cannibals are on it would be... FYI FYC FYEO #TOTP

Curiosity may have killed our cat, but it was more likely next door's transit van. #TOTP

Tried to...but made a hash of it. #TOTP

This Ole House...could be yours if you buy a ticket off Omaze for a fiver. #TOTP

Had a feeling they were going to play Intuition just then. #TOTP

The Spandau Ballet boys aren't going to feel the benefit later...etc...etc... #TOTP

Technically, your mother is one in four billion. #TOTP

These kids unwittingly reinforcing the patriarchal society and putting women's rights back 50 years. #TOTP

When you've got #TOTP at 7pm and you're starring as Dick Whittington at the Duke of York theatre at 8.