If you're not actually an insider, why on earth would you bet on these markets?

There's going to be angry Brits with pitchforks over today's Wordle

Just been roundly abused by the Wordle Bot. How's your morning going?

"My wife got so fed up with my unfamiliarity with classic joke formats, she's gone to the West Indies." "Jamaica?" "No, Martinique. Why would you assume Jamaica?"

It'll be like all his isthmuses have come at once 😓

Betting that Iran will still have a civilisation in the morning

When you've lost Farage...

New Wireless Festival logo just dropped

Locals rejoice

NASA: So, great mission guys! ARTEMIS CREW: Yep, amazing. Couple of hiccups, of course. The toilets, and that exploding chest creature thing N: A:

Heading off to Nuremberg next week, to check out venues for a thing

Everyone: "can't wait to get home and spend some time with the kids" French women: "who are these small people in my house?"

Well, Sunday night. Hope we survive the week. Good luck everyone.

Can anyone explain why referees wait patiently for a goalkeeper to place the ball in his six yard box, set himself, run up and boot it up the field, and only then go peep-peep-peep to signal half time?

He is risen! He's made a cup of coffee Now he's going back to bed

Bluesky's over

When I'm World King, website articles will have to disclose at the top in 24-point bold red flashing text whether you have to subscribe to read the whole thing. Bored of reading 800 words then being told to pay $93.50 to read the rest.

That's more than central London

This week, Brexit finally killed our family business. We cleared out our warehouse, handed back the keys, paid the final bills and said goodbye to our last employee. What was once a thriving firm died a slow, sad death, all thanks to Farage, Johnson and the gullible idiots they conned. 1/18

The Houston Astros continue to cheat in baseball by employing people who can hit home runs

Reminds me of when Theresa May went and sat in the House of Lords to try to intimidate them into passing Brexit legislation

Baseball's simple - three strikes and you're out, or four balls and you walk. Except sometimes you get to walk on three balls and six strikes

Looking forward to today's 0.7% increase in the number of made-up bullshit stories on social media

Italy is more of a baseball country anyway

So Bosnia+Herzegovina, Czechia, Türkiye and Sweden go to the World Cup. Italy, Denmark, Kosovo and Poland are out

Italy out

Looks like Bosnia+Herzegovina & Italy, and Czechia & Denmark, will have penalties to decide which 2 go through to the World Cup

Right, pointless England game is over. Now put the World Cup qualifiers on, you cowards

Japan beat England. At least Wembley will get a really good spring cleaning

Bosnia equalises vs Italy!

I see the World Cup has introduced toilet breaks every 22.5 minutes for the over 50s viewers

Turkey take the lead vs Kosovo and Poland equaliser vs Sweden

I'd rather watch a 4-match split screen of the World Cup qualifiers than a dull England friendly

ITV: "Japan are keen to show they can compete with world class opponents." If that's the case I don't know why they're wasting time playing England

I see no one has yet imprisoned the England football brass band. Starmer is useless.

The poor fans really don't dezerbit www.tottenhamhotspur.com/news/2026/ma...

Trump: everyone gets their own oil Labour: everyone gets their own owl

Click here to remember this device for 7 days

New market motto: sell on the rumour, sell on the news

Science is great. Someone publishes an article with the title "Exploring spin-state selective harvesting pathways from singlet fission dimers to a near-infrared-enissive spin-flip emitter’" and it might turn out to transform renewable energy

Signed.

Wow, Abreu ties it with two down in the 9th, despite everything Bucknor had thrown at the Red Sox

Tiger Woods needs to get a driver

We're going to ship oil through the Straits in tiny submarines

"months"

Glad someone is

Red-sea salted

That feeling when you've part-hedged your portfolio; your hedges are making money but you'd rather they didn't

I suspect the US will need a distraction to allow extrication from the Iran situation. Cuba?

Oh mate