BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly pissed Viktor Orbán lost because he liked the idea of potentially, if he gets impeached and convicted, fleeing to Budapest more than Moscow ("too cold"), Tel Aviv ("too Jewish"), Riyadh ("too Muslim"), or Buenos Aires ("too Mexican").

BREAKING: Hungarians are reportedly calling Viktor Orban by a new nickname that translates to “Couch Man” because of how much JD Vance’s election meddling f*cked his campaign.

BREAKING: A federal judge says Pam Bondi still has to testify on the Epstein Files even though she got fired “because we’re not about to play childish peekaboo games with pedophile protectors in my courtroom.”

BREAKING: The original plan of JD Vance’s Hungarian visit was for him to hang out at the biggest voting location in Budapest today, but his presence and personality were found to be “electorally radioactive” so he left several days early.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly thinking about changing his endorsement in the Hungarian election to Péter Magyar, and claiming that sending JD Vance to campaign for Viktor Orbán was “4-dimensional chess” and not an embarrassing display of global impotence.

BREAKING: Melania Trump will reportedly hold a press conference tomorrow morning to deny unspecified rumors that she wears diapers, but she'll also call for further investigations into who in government does wear diapers.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly "terrified" that Melania's unexpected Epstein-related press conference hinting at upcoming bombshell allegations will lead to a free-for-all where the other involved pedophiles will race to prosecutors to rat each other out for immunity deals.

BREAKING: Donald Trump has reportedly been calling Republicans this weekend demanding that "under no circumstances" are they allowed to subpoena Melania to testify about her Epstein connections because he doesn't trust her not to throw him under the bus.

BREAKING: France's Marine Le Pen, England's Nigel Farage, and Germany's AfD party have all reportedly requested today that JD Vance not come visit or campaign for them in their next elections.

BREAKING: White House insiders say Donald Trump has been giving off “Jim Jones vibes” since Melania’s press conference where she called for justice for Epstein’s victims.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly paranoid Melania will rat him out in exchange for an immunity deal, and is refusing to talk to her in case she’s wearing a wire.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly threatening Melania that if she rats him out on the Epstein stuff he’ll draft Barron to Iran.

BREAKING: Left wing parties in France, Germany, and the UK are reportedly inviting JD Vance to come campaign for their right wing opponents and do as much political damage to them as Vance just did to Viktor Orban’s poll numbers.

BREAKING: Crowds at the Vatican have reportedly been breaking out into chants of “Excommunicate Vance!" every 15 minutes all day long.

BREAKING: Michelangelo’s “The Last Judgment” painted in the Vatican is going viral because one of the figures depicted as being sent to Hell looks exactly like JD Vance.

BREAKING: The Vatican crowd at St. Peter's Square reportedly chanted, "Excommunicate Vance!" for 25 minutes this morning.

BREAKING: A new poll found that 62% of Americans approve of the Pope excommunicating JD Vance.

BREAKING: The Pope is reportedly "not afraid" to excommunicate JD Vance from the Catholic Church.

BREAKING: Hungarian media outlets are calling JD Vance’s political appearance in Budapest “the biggest political flop” in their nation’s history because the Trump Administration’s enthusiastic support has wrecked Viktor Orban’s poll numbers.

BREAKING: A new poll in Hungary found that JD Vance's visit to Budapest made Viktor Orbán's party lose 3% of its support.

BREAKING: Mike Johnson has reportedly asked his staffers how many days after Trump nukes Iran they think he can get away with telling the media he hasn’t heard or seen the news about it yet.

BREAKING: JD Vance is reportedly relieved he's in Hungary so he doesn't have to be the one to initiate the 25th Amendment petition to remove Trump from office.

BREAKING: A new poll found that the percent of Americans who want Trump to be removed via the 25th Amendment increased 17% in the last two weeks.

BREAKING: Protesters in Hungary have reportedly left dozens of couches filled with condoms on the sidewalks all around the Budapest hotel JD Vance is staying at while campaigning for Viktor Orbán with a giant sign that says, "Welcome to Budapest, Couch F*cker!"

BREAKING: JD Vance is reportedly worrying liberals might be right about Trump being owned by Putin after sitting in on several briefings about Russia giving Iran intelligence on the coordinates of US bases to bomb and watching Trump refuse to say or do anything about it.

BREAKING: The Hungarian Association of Banjo Players are planning to protest JD Vance when he arrives to campaign for Viktor Orbán by playing the "Dueling Banjos" song from the movie Deliverance through electric amplifiers outside his hotel each morning starting at 5am.

BREAKING: The homophobic Texas televangelist who claimed Iran would surrender on Easter and name Donald Trump as their new Ayatollah so he could convert all of Iran to Christianity accidentally emailed his entire congregation his Grindr account in his Easter morning e-card.

BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly just told an audience of Evangelicals at the White House Easter egg hunt that the war in Iran was inspired by his favorite Bible stories of when Jesus defeated the Minotaur, the Cyclops, and Medusa.

BREAKING: Prediction markets are betting on whether Donald Trump went to Walter Reed Hospital because of a stroke, heart attack, or a prolapsed rectum from shitting himself.

BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly failed his dementia test today at Walter Reed after he confused his doctors with the Iranian negotiators he keeps claiming he's talking to.

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth is reportedly beginning to worry he should have kept a few women or people of color in top military roles because now, when the Iran War turns into a giant disaster, he won't have any minorities to blame.

BREAKING: Someone just made a suspicious $1.6 million bet on several prediction markets that Donald Trump will shit himself today.

BREAKING: Kash Patel is reportedly filling up his schedule this month with vacation trips to cram in as much fun at golf courses, paintball zones, and shooting ranges across the country as he can before Trump fires him and he loses his plane.

BREAKING: Todd Blanche has reportedly not yet accepted the National Pedophile Association’s 5-ft tall trophy for being named their 2026 “Pedophile Protector of the Year,” or its $10,000 prize.

BREAKING: A federal judge reportedly just warned Donald Trump not to claim executive privilege to stop Pam Bondi from testifying to Congress about the Epstein Files cover up because he will tear up the filing himself.

BREAKING: A new poll found that 80% of Americans believe Trump fired Pam Bondi today to distract from the much bigger crisis of him also firing Army Chief of Staff Randy George on the eve of an historically ill-advised invasion of Iran from which US hegemony will never recover.

BREAKING: The National Association of Pedophiles is reportedly buying 25 billboards in 25 cities to put up giant portraits of Todd Blanche with the words, "HERO TO PEDOPHILES EVERYWHERE" in honor of his work covering up the Epstein Files so almost no one involved was prosecuted.

BREAKING: A dozen countries in Europe currently investigating the Epstein Files are reportedly racing each other to be the first to subpoena Pam Bondi now that she’s fired and no longer employed by the US government.

BREAKING: Pam Bondi is reportedly filling her home’s bathroom with boxes of unredacted Epstein Files for visitors to look through for a fee.

BREAKING: Top GOP officials are reportedly "terrified" the vigorous investigations currently being conducted by France, Poland, and the UK into Jeffrey Epstein's bank records will prove Trump was deeply involved in the pedohpile cabal's money laundering before the midterms.

BREAKING: Several major prediction markets are now taking bets on whether Trump’s kids and Jared Kushner move to Moscow, Riyadh, or Tel Aviv if Democrats take control of Congress and can investigate their insider trading, war profiteering, and collusion with foreign governments.

BREAKING: Donald Trump reportedly left the Supreme Court early today because the 83-year-old woman sitting next to him got nauseous after he sat down and threw up in her purse 6 minutes later.

BREAKING: Over 50 audience members sitting around Donald Trump during his appearance at the Supreme Court today told reporters his smell was "unmistakable" and "distracting," and one elderly woman described it as "a mixture of soupy fecal matter and rotten roast beef."

BREAKING: A new poll found that 98% of Americans want former AG Bill Barr to be deposed immediately to find out why he covered up Epstein's jail murder, refused to prosecute anyone other than Ghislaine Maxwell, and obstructed the New Mexico investigation into Zorro Ranch.

BREAKING: A new poll found that 57% of voters now just assume any Republican who mentions "family values" or "Christian values" is secretly gay.

BREAKING: Vladimir Putin was just given the 2026 Darwin Award early for his work genociding an entire generation of young Russian men in a senseless drone war that’s currently losing territory and removing Russian DNA from the global gene pool.

Vance is heading to Iran

BREAKING: A new poll found that Kristi Noem's husband being outed as a crossdresser is the least surprising news story of 2026.

BREAKING: An AI bot tasked with finding out whether Donald Trump lies to his voters more or less than Elon Musk lies to his investors just overheated and exploded.