BREAKING: After Donald Trump spent hours calling Fox News executives and screaming at them for ignoring his fraud claims, one reportedly yelled back, “You told the entire country, on live television, that every president—even Sleepy Joe—has run fair elections EXCEPT you!"

BREAKING: A list of 400 federal judges sent Trump a letter warning him that this November, when he inevitably files dozens of frivolous lawsuits alleging fraud, last night's speech—in which he claimed Obama and Biden oversaw fair elections but he couldn't—will be "Exhibit A."

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly enraged that none of his staffers explained to him that the logic of his speech last night blatantly implied the only rigged election was the one he personally oversaw, and no one stopped him from telling the entire country he’s incompetent.

BREAKING: Chinese officials are calling Trump’s claim that they tried to make him lose any election “hilarious” because he’s “single-handedly ending a century of American hegemony without China having to spend a single dollar or fire a single bullet.”

BREAKING: Military officials say Pete Hegseth’s new testosterone policy is better than his other policy idea of checking soldiers’ “anal hymens” to try and find out which troops have had gay sex.

BREAKING: Military officials are reportedly warning that many soldiers in the trial group of troops maxing out their testosterone levels have developed breast tissue, and are warning that Hegseth’s new “T policy” might backfire on him and result in an army full of trans women.

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth’s favorite makeup brands of foundation, bronzer, and concealer have reportedly been linked to severe testosterone disruptions.

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth reportedly has finally accepted that gay men can be capable war fighters, but wants military recruiters to develop some kind of process that screens out bottoms and only accept tops.

BREAKING: Even MAGA fans aren’t buying Donald Trump’s claims of Chinese election fraud because they know the next time Trump talks to Xi Jinping he won’t say a word about it to him, and after he won’t shut up for days about how strong Xi is.

BREAKING: Fox News executives are reportedly debating skipping Trump’s speech tonight because they still have PTSD (and debt) from Trump’s last election fraud claims.

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth’s latest military policy of checking every new recruit’s “anal hymen” is being criticized as “biologically misguided.”

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth has reportedly ordered the military to begin checking male soldiers’ “anal hymens” to screen out gay soldiers from certain units.

BREAKING: Pete Hegseth is making his erectile dysfunction problem the entire military’s problem.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly “obsessed” with Jon Ossoff, who he calls “Jon Jerkoff,” and keeps asking his staffers daily to show him the latest photos and videos of Ossoff while commenting on his “star power.”

BREAKING: One of the media companies televising Donald Trump's speech tonight will reportedly be broadcasting a live feed from a thermal camera they're calling the “Trump Dump Detector” that will show how often he farts and if he poops himself.

BREAKING: A notoriously homophobic televangelist in Texas claims "Democrats are hijacking AI to sneak satanic demons into my computer" because all the banner ads he sees on every website he visits are for leather costumes, PrEP pills, and gay swinger cruises.

BREAKING: Todd Blanche did not commit in his confirmation hearing to protect Americans' First Amendment right to call Donald Trump by the following titles: "President Pedophile" "VonShitzenpants" "The Pervert-in-Chief" "Epstein's Pedophile Gentile" "The Mar-a-Lago Molester"

BREAKING: Testosterone treatments are being offered to any Trump appointee who refuses to say that Joe Biden won the 2020 election in their confirmation hearings.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious with Todd Blanche because Katie Phang's lawsuit is threatening to blow up the entire Epstein Files cover up.

BREAKING: Todd Blanche is reportedly complaining that during a break in his confirmation hearing a senator sexually assaulted him in the bathroom and no one is doing anything about it.

BREAKING: A petition calling for Congress to cancel Mitch McConnell’s healthcare on him in honor of the 9/11 First Responders has reportedly just passed 50 million signatures.

Thanks a lot, Elon

BREAKING: A group of 6 MAGA fans in Louisiana have just launched a hunger strike they vow will go on until E. Jean Carroll gives back the $5.6 million Donald Trump was forced to give her, or they starve to death.

BREAKING: A federal judge says it makes zero sense to prosecute anyone for taking pieces of the Reflecting Pool's peeled off paint until Donald Trump is prosecuted for driving 10 SUVs down the entire length of the pool before the sealant was fully cured.

BREAKING: Todd Blanche is reportedly hoping no senators ask him about the Epstein Files tomorrow while he's under oath during his confirmation hearing.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly furious the Reflecting Pool contractors drained it during the day so everyone can see the tire tracks from when his motorcade drove over it before the sealant was totally cured, and now everyone knows he's been lying for weeks about vandals.

BREAKING: Jared Kushner and Ivanka Trump are reportedly worried the Albanian people will never let them set foot on their island ever again.

BREAKING: A petition calling for federal courts to fine Todd Blanche $5,000 for every day he continues to flagrantly ignore court orders and explicit Congressional laws demanding he release the Epstein Files just reached 30 million signatures.

Thanks for following The Halfway Post!

BREAKING: Officials at the NYC Bar Association say it’s difficult to see how they can let Todd Blanche have a law license while he’s flagrantly refusing to comply with court orders and Congressional laws stating he must release the Epstein Files.

BREAKING: Several officials at the New York Bar Association are reportedly demanding the association revoke Todd Blanche's law license unless he finally releases all the Epstein Files he was legally required to release months ago.

BREAKING: Todd Blanche is reportedly worried that covering up the most notorious pedophile sex-trafficking ring in US history, lying about the evidence, and facilitating Trump’s theft of billions of tax dollars will be hard to explain in his upcoming state bar ethics review.

BREAKING: Political insiders claim Mitch McConnell's failing health has put a damper on the D.C. swinger scene because McConnell's octogenarian sex parties in his basement "f*ck dungeon" were the "hottest orgies in town."

This is what Trump deserves to have named after him, not all our national monuments and theatres.

BREAKING: A White House staffer reportedly just told Donald Trump, "I have good news and bad news for you. The good news is something just got named after you. The bad news is it's that everyone is calling the diarrhea epidemic 'Trumporrhea.'"

BREAKING: The gays are all going to be dressing up as Lindsey Graham for Halloween.

BREAKING: Donald Trump is reportedly “apocalyptically angry” that everyone is calling the diarrhea epidemic “Trumporrhea.”

BREAKING: Donald Trump has reportedly had an "Ebenezer Scrooge style epiphany" following the deaths of Senators McConnell and Graham, and Trump is now reportedly ending all ICE raids, dropping the DOJ prosecutions of his critics, and donating all his crypto profits to charity.

BREAKING: The Grindr headquarters reportedly brought in an "emotional support twink” to the office today to console everyone after Lindsey Graham's sudden, shocking death.

BREAKING: The White House trash cans are reportedly overflowing with Donald Trump’s blackmail files on Lindsey Graham.

BREAKING: An anonymous person reportedly dropped off 3 pet turtles at the Louisville Turtle Rescue & Adoption Center this afternoon saying their owner was "too busy with 20-minute phone calls to care for them anymore."

BREAKING: There has reportedly been mass confusion all week at the White House every time a staffer mentions diarrhea because they have to clarify if they’re talking about Trump’s diaper or the Cyclosporiasis epidemic.

BREAKING: Kash Patel has reportedly assured Donald Trump he’ll focus 110% on preventing Iranian assassination attempts as soon as he gets back from seeing his girlfriend sing the National Anthem at an amateur hockey game in Decatur, IL this weekend.

BREAKING: Mitch McConnell reportedly “lost the will to live” after Russia went bankrupt and stopped funneling millions of dollars into Republican organizations and super PACs.

BREAKING: Public health experts are calling the ongoing diarrhea epidemic “Trumporrhea” in honor of Trump’s relentless cuts to food safety that caused it.

BREAKING: CNN’s Scott Jennings is reportedly pissed that his blatant Republican propagandizing and bad faith debating has finally caught up with him and he might soon be fired.

BREAKING: Kentucky Democrats are calling for holding the special election to replace Mitch McConnell, and if McConnell is alive he's welcome to show up in person and campaign for his seat in whatever physical or cognitive condition he's in.

BREAKING: Iranian negotiators furious with Donald Trump's ceasefire violations are now adding the following demands to a deal: Trump must admit that he lost the 2020 election and he raped E. Jean Carroll.

BREAKING: Top GOP officials are reportedly alarmed over new polling in South Carolina's Senate race that shows almost zero Republican voters are "enthusiastic" to vote for Lindsey Graham.

BREAKING: Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear is reportedly being pressured “day and night” to do exactly what Mitch McConnell would do: ruthlessly ram through the replacement election without any regard for norms out of pure partisan opportunism.