half of the top few replies start with “brother”, “my friend”, and “homie”

(Bjork voice) And if you complain once more

Maybe think twice about laughing at this, guys. Beings only create complete systems of German Idealism under conditions of extreme stress and alienation from external reality.

Roses are red, Sunlight is bright

A Dutch worker went viral after explaining to their American boss that they have a life outside work.

Pepé Le Pew needs to eat and goes to a communist pizza restaurant. But the hostess says that there is a wait. Just then, Minnie Mouse walks in and is immediately seated. Pepé objects: "but I was first in line!" To which the hostess replies: "The needs of the Minnie outweigh the needs of the Pew."

Every installment of this MTG rehabilitation tour feels like “Nice Scorpion Regrets Past Stings, Needs Help With River Crossing!”

Night on the El Train, 1918 #americanart #hopper

eu normalmente evito trazer lixo de outras redes, mas essa daqui que apareceu no meu Telegram me fez rir muito

🔗 The $1,000 AWS mistake

You’re completely correct! The copper ingots I sold you were substandard. This is an inexcusable failure. — AI-Nasir

You’re absolutely right — you are Pagliacci. It would certainly be difficult for you to attend your own performance! I should not have given such paradoxical advice, and I apologize deeply for the error. There is no excuse for my failure.

Does anyone want a survivorship bias shortbread

"I say we take off and nuke the site from orbit. It's the only way to be sure."

OK - pie discourse - best pie story: In 2016, we were living in Andover, in the UK. My wife was assigned as an exchange officer at the Army Air Corps base at Middle Wallop (yes, really).* The US Army has a tradition: senior leaders, in dress uniform, serve junior troops Thanksgiving dinner. /1

Only the best people!

America putting most of its eggs in the generative AI basket, China going hard into green tech. When history looks back on this period, someone is going to look awfully stupid.

First day as a backend engineer at #cloudflare today. Found a minor bug and fixed it using ChatGPT. Let's see where the journey takes me.

Doctor says, 'Dont worry, parser design is simple. Great programmer Kate Compton has written the parser you seek’

It's Tuesday. It's November. And it's been awhile. So lets tell the story about the eel, the scheming wife who ate it, and the talking magpie that ratted her out! That's right! It's time for the eel tale from the 1370s blockbuster hit, "The Book of the Knight of the Tower." 1/5 🗃️🧪

Was this the best use of my time today? No. Is it the most amusing way I could have spent the last 90 minutes? Absolutely. Pattern is free here: bit.ly/4nGGCGc

Mamdanigrad (formerly New York City), will stand as a shining example to the world of what is possible when the workers unite, and crush the bourgeois class with an iron fist (mild increase in minimum wage, free buses, etc).

The range increments of a full subway sandwich are only 10/20 so you have disadvantage on your throw more than a few paces away. You can double the range with a half-sandwich wrapped tightly and druis have a fifth-level subclass feature that removes disadvantage if the sandwich has sprouts

Your average Subway 6-inch has an effective range of about 15 feet, making it best for CQC or a sidearm (side-sub?). For increased range and stopping power, you're going to want something baguette-based, like a Croque Monsieur.

Liberté, égalité, weakpasswordnité

Watch out for Ea Nasir this Halloween!

Hon hon hon joyeaux ween de hallo

I should’ve learned this by now but DO NOT use FedEx. The diseased monkeys I ordered haven’t arrived and I can’t get a straight answer on what happened to them

They're all grown up 🥹

THE TERMINATOR was released 41 years ago today. Acclaimed as one of the great science fiction/action films of the 1980s, and the film that launched the career of writer-director James Cameron, the story of how it was made absolutely will not stop. Ever. Until it is read… 1/65

got one of those haunted cameras that pops out a photo of how you die. pretty fun to mess around with for a while but apparently doesn't work for selfies. just always spits out a photo of me holding the haunted camera

NEW SICKO DROPPED!

October 16, 1968

Look, your wife didn't leave you because you have bad taste in trucks. You have bigger problems for which the truck is only a symbol. An ugly, unignorably huge symbol.

remote work is like birth control or UBI atp where there’s overwhelming research consensus they improve quality of life for people they apply to, yet access is impeded or blocked by the ruling class because the thought of marginalized ppl having rich full lives makes steam come out their ears

This is Tucker. He was offered a tortilla but told to take it gently, and no one has ever understood the assignment better. 13/10 (TT: tucker_thegentleman)

the peanut inside the peanut m&m mascot should be it’s own voiced character. his only goal is to “get out” of the living shell. he does so by speaking through the m&m, trying to convince the other candies to break him out, killing his host

Yes, there are 50 jokes in this thread. Blaine is a genius.

Heard your mom is closing up shop