I miss when technology was exciting. Google was cool, search worked, information felt wildly, wonderfully accessible. Amazon was a wonderland of book discovery. The Kindle is a marvel! And now it's all the rancid sadism of dull men.

Escorting the nine-year-old to a friend’s birthday pool party, I told him I wasn’t going to swim in part because I’m dressed for work. He told me I could just jump in like Mamdani did. This is what socialism does to our children.

London is the capital of Japan.

Furious that Chris Nolan would disregard historical accuracy in adapting The Odyssey by making a "movie" with "cameras" instead of memorizing the entire story and then going on a nationwide tour to sing it to us while tripping on ergotized barley

You have been legally briefed, Caped Crusader.

"Prominent voice on foreign policy" as a euphemism for "warmonger" is an interesting choice, PBS.

a few other thoughts about lindsey graham

If you were questioning New York Gov. Kathy Hochul's credentials on climate policy because she recently rolled back a bunch of climate policy, she has a response for you: don't do that.

Somehow, Space Balls returned

I shouldn't be surprised that communists have no idea how barber shops work, since communists don't work lol

I'm just glad Senator Graham lived long enough to see his lifelong dream of a shooting war with Iran be realized. And that he THEN lived long enough to see it instantly become a historic fiasco. I really love that for him.

I will not be introducing my children to Australian dog Bluey or her NUDIST family

Hey congressional comms staffers, I’ll save you some effort: “I wish my good friend Lindsey Graham had succeeded in enabling the insurrectionists to kill me, a goal that people on both sides of the aisle can agree on, so that I could have been in hell to greet him today.”

“But I want to tell you what he was like to hang out with in private when there were no stakes” is a very common response to the death of a person who had immense power in situations with high stakes.

You can say Merry Protein again

Copilot's code reviewer is just as good as a senior software engineer. It fails to understand the intention of the pull request and chooses about 5 things to give erroneous feedback about because it's underpaid and tired. It's trying to look busy until 5:00, but for it, 5:00 never comes.

Zelensky is a comedian who ran as a joke and ended up fighting a superpower in the bloodiest war since WWII. I hope Count Binface is ready for that responsibility.

I'm so disillusioned, I almost don't even care who gets the FIFA Peace Prize next year

let this be a lesson to deal with your feelings of gender anxiety and masculine inadequacy with a hobby or therapy or something and not a high stakes senate election

*cackles in public art*

anyone who finds more things to like about this country than me is a glassy eyed, historically illiterate moron. anyone who likes fewer things is a nihilistic doomer

Some of you are a little too worried about a RED card in soccer and not worried enough about the ORANGE man in the White House!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Nuance, my ass. She's describing a reason to support free college, not a reason to cave on human rights.

whenever someone tells me that they really like something like a band or a movie or a sports team, i'm just like, no you don't. shut up idiot

Hear me out. LeBron still has four years of college eligibility.

Sorry I've been missing the last 78 months, I was just released from federal prison for that time when I was 9 and I recorded a song off the radio and pretended I was a DJ and played it for my mom.

we all make jokes about how woke 1 went too far but woke 1 was extremely, absolutely correct about how much these people were dogwhistling, absolutely correct about the direction they were going in, absolutely correct that how their beliefs were not compatible with a free society

For fifty years, fans, critics, and scholars have debated the meaning of the Eagles’ acclaimed 1976 recording “Hotel California.” Our new paper uses advanced AI analysis to finally reveal the hidden truth: it’s about what if there was a spooky hotel

“We need to roll up our sleeves, talk to people on the ground, and ignore everything they tell us.”

Sadly, this appears to be a fake ad. But if someone built them for real, it would do numbers.

9 years ago, NBC gave this woman $20 million a year to host a morning talk show and be one of the top faces of its news division.

NSISM: Never Stop Interviewing Stephen Miller

My mayor socialist My congresswoman socialist My city councilwoman socialist My state senator socialist My assembly member socialist Knicks in 5

We have Spotify at home.

I asked for Gilmore Girls DVDs, but I like this idea better.

Now known as the Strait of Warm Ooze.

Like many people who have worked in politics for decades, I am baffled and upset to see candidates who say they are going to try to make things better defeating candidates who say they are trying to make it more or less like it was in the years before things tipped over into Oaf-Style Fascism.

tired of the "#1 dad" nonsense. if you're a dad, stop treating it like a joke and post your actual national dad ranking. i'm # 492,018, which is actually really high up there, but more importantly it lets me enter ranked dad lobbies where i can get matched up for fistfights with dads of my caliber

I believe this fulfills all legal requirements and also my ethical obligations pertaining to this matter.

"swing voters" can simultaneously believe that immigrants have made America great while also being concerned about undocumented immigration. If you, as a Dem, choose to activate the fear narrative, then voters will choose the fear candidate, not the fear-lite candidate you're trying to be.

now in video form: youtu.be/fOVt5CrAEvk

Y'CANT PARK THERE, MATE!

#1 rule of making queso: make enough that you have the party queso and the at-home strategic queso reserve

You’re laughing. Trump has gone to great effort and expense to reboot Double Dare for America 250 and you’re laughing. If you can think of a better way to make 6 million gallons of slime I’d love to hear it.

Show everyone you are smart despite your current salary. https://store.theonion.com/products/area-dad-headline-t-shirt?variant=42705274175557

I love AI because I don’t like life or doing things

we need to go back