A thing happened in that Phillies game last night that I did not even know was a thing. Harper had been the DH (Schwarber was ill), but they needed him to play first (because they had pinch run for Bohm, who played first for most of the game). (1/)

Just your basic game that goes 12 innings and ends 16-7.

Painter pitched, Schwarber didn’t play, Marsh didn’t start. So the guys I was listening to today who insisted the entire resurgence is driven by a couple of guys can suck a lemon. #phillies #ringthebell

Now that it’s been pointed out, those are unusually intense bird sounds on the Phillies broadcast.

The new fund would have paid for the CPB for about three years.

When the dog is boarded, I always have them cut his nails as much as they can. One time it was one front foot. Today it was the back feet. (You can only do it until he decides he’s had enough.) I just hope they get to all of them every now and then, kind of like getting your tires rotated.

Happy launch day to a couple of great ones.

Sit, settle, down, up and in (the car), inside, treatos, snack, chew time, water, upstairs, big bed, spot, school, walk, “tell squirrel bye,” “good walking,” no, “with me,” tootsies, rubbies, “we’re not going to do that right now,” supper, breakfast, outies, sunshine, potty, wait, leave it

They are streaky fellas, and you have to know that when you take the ride, but EVEN FOR THEM, what a ride.

What does the Philadelphian owl say? PAUL SKENES WHOOOOOOOOO (I’m kidding he’s a very good pitcher)

I talked to Joe about my love of the Phillies for this book, and one of the things I said is: “Baseball is a game with an endless supply of fresh starts.” New inning, no outs, you always have time. I really appreciate the proof of my point a few days before this really fun book cones out.

Schwarber’s second homer last night was so funny to me—off the bat, I would have said fly ball, and even in the air it didn’t look that zingy, like a Kyle home run usually looks, and then boop, landed in the bullpen.

I credit Elmo.

I cannot believe the fellas came back and won that. #phillies

Good grief.

I’m going to amend this observation: I think it’s just that the TV broadcast makes the organist in Pittsburgh very prominent.

Nola walked the leadoff batters in the first two innings, didn’t get any conventional ground ball double plays, and still faced only six batters. #phillies

I do salute Pittsburgh—it’s been a while since I heard a ballpark with a prominently featured organist.

TIL the Pirates have a pitcher named “Braxton Ashcraft.”

What are they doing? It’s a simple question. What are they doing?

THIS IS TRUE! You learn something new every day, thanks to typos.

An edit button might have prevented me from inventing the baseball player Adonis Garcia

(Okay but what’s the “a real hit on Jesus” part about)

My absolute favorite part of this video is all the guys who say “What is this?” You can definitely tell they were not warned to expect Elmo.

There are, or there should be, whole departments whose job it is to take care of exactly this kind of thing. International reporting has complex logistics!

If you are in Cannes and you can help, please reach out to Tomris.

I saw Ranger look like he was stretching something out a couple times like he wasn’t comfortable. I wonder if that’s why they took him out at a point that seemed quite early to me.

I sat in a studio ages ago repeating a line several times because a producer (not from PCHH) insisted my voice was frying on the last word. That person is still on my list.

Fascinating.

They do eventually get to the thing I don’t understand: If you don’t learn how to do anything except plug prompts into chatbots, what do you envision anybody hiring you for? I would love it if people just *wanted* to be able to think critically, but it’s also practical?

“Backbone” 🤣

This has been a much better outing for Painter thus far; that’s got to be a huge relief to him. Hang in there, kiddo. #phillies

Yeah, this behavior by the clerk is pretty pretty pretty bad. Murdaugh is also 57 years old and is early in a 40-year sentence for financial crimes. So as I understand it, he’s not, like, going home on bond until they retry him.

Remarkably, this image is from a video that is supposed to be pro-eating-a-hamburger.

When I saw Chef Frank, the guy Lindsay hired for her goofy party, I knew I’d seen him before. I first thought Top Chef, which would make sense. But no: HELL’S KITCHEN. No wonder he was hanging around like all the drama was totally normal. #summerhouse

When you are the person suggesting to both halves of a couple that they should try separating, YOU ARE TOO INVOLVED IN OTHER PEOPLE’S BUSINESS. #summerhouse

Total of 59 pitches for Wheeler over the first six innings. It’s his pitching, but it’s also their approach. To be honest, there’s an argument for “swing the bat already” against Wheeler; that doesn’t mean it will always work. #phillies

I don’t know what this bird’s intentions are, but: This bird could fuck you up.

LOL, fifth inning, eight pitches.

The spell is broken; the fourth inning took 20 pitches. (One hit, no runs.)

Three innings have taken Zack Wheeler 16 pitches. #phillies

Schwarber is definitely the consummate “hit home runs in five straight games shortly after striking out eight times in a row” dude. This is why when he strikes out eight times in a row, they all laugh it off. THEY KNOW.

Aha! Thanks to everybody for filling me in.

I’m game to watch a Martin Short documentary, but what I really want is a release of YOU HAD TO BE THERE, the documentary about the famous 1972 Toronto production of GODSPELL. Because it is great and he is great in it, and I felt like it was a beautiful explanation of him.

Have people written about how the Bravo shows are kind of … Bridgerton-y, or even Austen-y (I AM AWARE THOSE THINGS ARE DIFFERENT), in that they involve conflict that arises in large part from social rule violations?

Today, the dog came into the living room, sat down, and stared at me until I took him for a walk. Just uninterrupted staring. It was very effective.

My friend who used to say the final stage of corporate greed was demanding to be loved is never, ever proved wrong.

Slightly increase a band Men With One Small Hat

You know, I understand the thinking behind the shift from catchers squatting to being on one knee, I really do. I’m all in favor of saving your joints. But the way they have to expose the goods to both 100 mile an hour pitches and foul balls truly terrifies me.

An underrated fun thing about baseball is umpires trying to jump out of the way of a batted ball.