The brass balls to say this about the world's most public and obvious pea brained doofus, a man who it's just been revealed is considered skeezy and unpleasant by HUMAN TRAFFICKERS

all food and water should be publicly owned. there shouldn't be a concept of "stealing food"

OK see this is what happens, we caved on "literally" and now they're coming for the word "barely"

Hi readers. It turns out we knew the president was in a rape cult literally the whole time. Sorry if you feel like this offends you.

I will watch Ella Purnell shoot zombie Elvises with a shotgun in New Vegas. I am not made of stone.

I think the only person who hates me is my landlord. though, a few weeks ago I made some kind of joke at work and a guy said "see who could hate this guy" which that's nice to say but uhh who was trying to?

I am deliriously laughing at the image of Boebert facing dawning revelation that she's actually found the pedophile elite conspiracy ring and that she's standing right in the middle of it

Los Angeles, 2019. I am a courier, delivering important materials by hand. In order to navigate the dirty, crowded streets better, I glide through them on a pair of roller blades. I'm what's known colloquially as an ANDROID MURDERER. (There was a mix-up at the job name factory.)

for all that's happened since, the nadir of this whole year still feels to me like when a judge said "hey you're not allowed to send people to el salvador, don't do that" and the administration posted on twitter "oops we already did it 😖 aren't we naughty boys😊"

jeffrey epstein won't see your jokes about how poorly written his emails were, but your barely literate friends also won't see them, because they can't read. fire away

it's kind of a relief these days when an indie developer turns out to be racist or w/e. I'll take any excuse to prune a game off my tetsuo-esque wishlist

we're getting "more evidence of the president committing sex crimes" instead of "healthcare" or "ending wars" or even fucking "fixing potholes". We just aren't having a government until at best 2027 because enough influential people wanted to give the Rapist President another go on the ferris wheel

For a succinct explanation of why the new york times would choose not to report incriminating evidence on Donald Trump, we turn now to the kool aid man

Yesssss we're doing it. We're taking "maybe it's ok to sexually abuse 15 year olds?" mainstream. Families will get to discuss it over Thanksgiving dinner. Thank you president Trump for this amazing opportunity

Trump saw a sexy girl in a bikini and his head turned into a giant steam whistle and he said AWOOGA and his eyes grew bigger than his head and the pupils were replaced by cartoon hearts

the IQ test that I took, and did very well on by the way, they call it three cues. And I got all of the words, some of them very long and difficult words, and they said they've never seen someone do so well at the three cues IQ test, sometimes I was getting four or even five cues

Assuming he hasn't posted it already, I assume JD Vance is plugging away at his 50000 word "it's actually ephebophilia if they're teenaged" tweet

We’re about to experience heretofore unimaginable levels of “I haven’t read the story.”

news outlets sighing in relief as it turns out there is one email they can report on

Perhaps I could try some age play and orgasm denial. Bah. No chance. My head would spin. Mmm...

Stephen King's It, weirdly. I read it as a teen, when I was getting into slasher movies and stuff. Edgy! Haha look at how that guy died really gorily. Etc. It was the nearest horror novel so I read it, and it kind of snapped me out of being edgy by connecting me with the characters so strongly

if I was rolling over and letting the Saturday morning cartoon villains do whatever they want with no resistance, I would at least say something like "yeah we caved, we couldn't make ourselves believe they'd be willing to starve people, but they are and we aren't"

As close as I expect a real world headline to ever come to "arson, murder, and jaywalking"

BREAKING: person in government plans to do their job

Bought a month of Hulu to watch Sherlock. I got the ad-free but it turns out even without ads they insert ACT BREAKS in a BBC SHOW. Sherlock has a sudden realization and runs off screen. Fade transition to next scene interrupted by two seconds of blackness for no reason. Disgusting.

20 years ago there was an ambient level of cigarette smoke absolutely everywhere that a kid today couldn't conceive of

This is why just a dem winning the next election won't cut it. There can't be any more republicans in power, period. If the US can't promise to keep bad faith hands off the reigns then other countries will just assume bad faith at all times. If you don't kick the nazis out of the bar it's a nazi bar

Seeing half the picture and then scrolling down and seeing the big 12 at the bottom had jumpscare vibes

I'll just beam the thought "take money from the insurance companies and give it to the people" directly into the brains of my most psychotic fans, it'll be fine if I do that

a nu start baby. I said I want to comfy game in November and Obsidian said, here's a gameplay update for one of our best RPGs

You got yourself into this mess, you can get yourself out of it

"What actions?" "Oh, you know the ones."

Monsieurs et Madames, this whole thing was a crock.

Some New Yorkers may be about to find out what "taqqiya" means, but thanks to that bozo in the White House the whole world has found out the hard way what "tackier" means!

CUOMO: I'd like to run for mayor again please BARTENDER: sir, don't you think you've had enough failed mayoral cam- CUOMO: I'll tell YOU when I've had enough!!

City of Sickos

I like the sound of "people hate republicans and will only vote R for trump" given his sharply declining health

Had to share this from twitter just because

Donald Trump: voters hate the Trump Shutdown

[Exit Clown.]

2026 Primary Woke Wave

love that we're reinventing the concept of law enforcement from first principles

Do the onions and mustard still smell, Clarice?

You're laughing? He could smell the onions and mustard and you're laughing?