going to a job interview and saying that bringing up the time i got caught jacking off in the bathroom at my last job is "weaponizing my past"

sorry, but we'll never have a woman president. for example, this pedophile's bloodthirsty wife lost. so it's just not possible

Read these shirts..

this is a masterpiece

I’m sorry but basically everyone who wants an edit button is the type of person who follows 15,000 accounts and sucks at posting. You don’t need to edit your posts bro! Nobody is reading them!

it's so crazy how many "most important election of my lifetime" elections I've lived through. seems like when these guys win they do jack shit to prevent the next election from being "the most important election of my lifetime." oh well! I'm sure they have a plan they're just not telling me about!

Happy Mother’s Day

he’s responsible for what may be The Perfect Joke:

it's crazy how many people with way more money and way better stuff than me are begging me for 20 bucks all the time

she's just some rich ugly lady with huge knockers that everybody hates. what more is there to know?

On its third attempt tonight, Marblehead Town Meeting approved an “MBTA Communities–compliant” district largely centered on the 125-year-old Tedesco Country Club, meeting 3A requirements on paper while all but assuring no new housing would be built. This comment says it all.

trying really hard to fall asleep while being wide awake like a Christmas boy so i can wake up tomorrow to the rudy news

While we all pray for Mr Giuliani's health, i'd like to take a moment to reflect on some of the words he shared during his life. See attached image

you bet

Who needs a “Mentalist”* when you have a cartoonist who knows what government officials are thinking? My cartoon from February. *Latest Fad @theonion.com

why breed dogs with jaws large enough to tear through Flesh, when you could breed dogs with minds large enougj to tear through Fallacy.....

“damn that’s crazy” shall be the whole of the Law

this shit must hit like crazy if your dumb as hell

"hey you busy? we need a thousand words on something an old drunk moron said between assaulting prostitutes"

couldn't pick one

I'm still thinking about the absolutely wild intro to this LeBron fancam I found last night

imagine going to work and this guy is your boss lmao

it's so funny that they're actually going through with this

damn, got ‘em

Incredible sequel. Edge of my seat!

the whole government can suck my whole dick

"Must've kept 10,000 beers cold"

I never want to hear another word about North Korean propaganda

Happy Confederate Surrender Day from Minnesota where we still have your goddamn flag and we’re not giving it up. en.wikipedia.org/wiki/28th_Vi...

we deserve every terrible thing that happens to us from here on out. i don't want the bad things to happen, and i hope they don't happen to me, but if they do i get it and I'm gonna try not to be too sore about it

"did you even read the article???? the headline is bad but the article is good!!!" buddy if I see a restaurant called Dan's Fecal Stew i am not gonna go in there to see if maybe they printed the sign wrong

In Nara, Japan, sika deer roam freely among cherry blossoms, creating a breathtaking scene each spring. These sacred creatures enjoy the beauty of hanami season too.

Shit and crap is my bread and butter

go outside. watch a movie. jerk off or something. do whatever you need to shut the fuck up

FBI reported 1700 arrested "child predators" in 2025. That's around 1/200k. There have been now 7 pardoned J6ers arrested for sex crimes against kids, out of 1600 J6ers total, around 1 in 230. You can play w the denominator a bit (135M adult males) but it's still around 350x the rate

My based son Klaxxon just ate a pile of shit because I paid him $100. Now he's paying me to eat a pile of shit for $200. Which actually gets to the absurdity of economics.

counterpoint: fuck Moby.

thanks to AI our slow and humiliating national suicide will be punctuated by visual media that is so good even a dog could jack off to it

The Amazing World of Tomorrow

cmon man

"400 years ago it never would've occurred to anyone to be introspective" dog brain. brain of a very sick dog. the dog isn't able to make it outside anymore. i know this is hard and sad, but we have to start to think and talk about quality of life

alternatively: morons confused by easily predictable thing

counterpoint: shut the fuck up