the president wont see your posts making fun of how he's looking these days but your friends whose skin seems to be sloughing off in wet discolored chunks as the psychic weight of their craven wretchedness becomes manifest will

Sometimes it’s a good idea to step back and ask yourself whether you’re arguing with someone’s political position or their personality disorder

every single goddam crisis happening right now is self imposed

one thing i think is interesting: according to the Constitution, donald trump is not the president of the united states

There was an "influencer" who "went live" after being entombed for three days. But you kids probably haven't heard of him

adding "dutch impeachment" to my set of euphemisms, alongside "christmas in targoviste"

this is your mission. our pedophile president needs you to jump out of a helicopter to kidnap a head of state and his wife so some oil ceos can make a lot of money. we’ll be watching from a resort in florida that still serves wedge salad and checking how many retweets we get. good luck soldier

An essential development over the past decade-plus is that the ignorant went from feeling chastened when their ignorance was revealed to banding together and deciding that, actually, they were right. They might disagree at times, but they agreed that ignorance itself was an indicator of trust.

Won’t do a big thread of what I wrote this year because there’s not that much of it, but I am quite proud of this one

another robot highlight for 2025: man wearing humanoid mocap suit kicks himself in the balls

it's a 100 percent legal and normal goal in the PL in 25-26, and it's a good and effective tactic under the rules as enforced, but stationing a five man meatwall in front of the keeper so he can't claim a ball hit to the six and hoping you get a deflection for a goal is dumb

It only seems that "you" are in your head because that's where your sensory organs are. But you are no more in your head than you are in your Ass. Some of you perhaps even more so

That this wasn't widely adopted ages ago is insane. A subset of humans throw all their reasoning faculties out the window on the subjects of car and housing regulations.

Wow I can’t believe they have a flar in the Macy’s Parade

"Quiet piggy" makes sense when told through this lens

women are always saying “lord grant me the confidence of a mediocre man.” ok well he did. now what. is the world a better place? look at what you’ve wrought.

One thing future historians are going to notice very well is that both times the US came to the brink of destruction in the two and a half centuries after its founding, it was at the hands of men who wanted an unlimited license to rape and get away with it, not only legally but socially.

second verse on this is one of the funniest things i've ever heard

The obsessive wokeness panic is about elite labor market competition and prestige. People use a lot of fancy words to obscure this, and offer some substantive criticisms as well, but that’s ultimately its driving force.

Frictionless brain activity

it is useful not to lose sight of how, underneath everything else, hollow all of this noise is. portland and chicago are warzones, so i am dispatching a couple hundred best buy assistant managers there to quell the insurrections. potemkin stuff, paper thin

There's no more fitting tribute to Charlie Kirk than the one they're giving him right now: nominally Christian survivors on the same grift clambering over one another for more publicity, capped by the shambling, lurching embodiment of everything they long to be. You couldn't write anything meaner

"The cat iss obscene, a creature of pure decadence, in an existence didicated only to leisure and consumption. There is a purity to it that iss horrifying, a singular hunger for [in the most fucked up way imaginable] lasagna that obliterates everysing it touches."

Supporting bathroom, sports and healthcare bans for trans people means signing on to a moral panic about problems that DON'T EXIST. When people say Democrats should "moderate" on these issues, they are suggesting that we legislate a group out of public life based on lies.

mignolet making a save against rashford, like the last several years were a dream. i'm waking up to britain in the eu and some dull technocrat in the white house. everything is as it was.

I wrote a whole thing about this!

Not since Prohibition have so many Americans wanted to commit the same crime at once

Weird how much the NBA has changed, 20 years ago shot distribution looked like two squirrels chasing each other but now it just looks like my parents fighting?

don’t meet your heros. i finally saw the critters from redwall irl and they don’t even talk. they’re just pissing and shitting everywhere.

People who ask questions like "is that allowed?" or "is that legal?" really misunderstand the spirit of Crime Season. Laws are just words decided via a public ceremony and what's allowed is whatever you can do if nothing stops you. Crime Season is all about learning whether anything will stop you.

"here’s what I believe happened: In the process of accumulating enormous wealth, the tech-oligarchs created the conditions for their loss of social power and, when they realized this, they got a big dose of class consciousness and turned furiously reactionary."

chat ive put a lot of thought into this and i think im going to start stiffing the danube legions

That's why our principle experience of freedom is within consumption, the one activity that appears to us as a totality (I buy and consume) and which we are truly "free agents" within the market. This is why inflation drives people absolutely insane, because they think freedom=consumptive license.

💉💉💉

BOURDAIN: so ive had joints of mutton everywhere. exeter, wroexeter, berwick. Ive never seen a joint of mutton prepared like this MEDIEVAL SPIT-BOY: we roaste thee meat under a pafte which keeps the juices, and renders the meat moft tendere BOURDAIN: *chuckling* wow

What I'm confused about is what about spending millions of dollars a year on "life extension" requires you to be incessantly nude

If there were a Kalshi market for “is this man on T and getting ready for a divorce” I would be a buyer in that market.

if i had a billion dollars and worldwide influence i would simply not debut my new character "Transphobic Lil Dicky" live on Joe Rogan's DMT Telethon