When you could trust the President with your children

Time for someone to bitch slap Trump in the back of the head and wake him up to the fact that this is the United States not Russia and that's Venezuela not Ukraine and he has no right to take military action against anyone without Congress's approval...

Disabled people were one of the first groups targeted by the Nazis. They coined the term “useless eaters”. They tested the gas chambers on us. They knew most people wouldn’t fight to save our lives. That’s why the President using the R slur is so dangerous. We’re not expendable

It's not that you're not enough. Some people just need too much.

4:45 am notification from Domino’s Pizza that it’s Cyber Monday.

This could be the cold open for the next SNL. 🤦🏽‍♂️

had a guy tell me he wants automated cars for everyone on the road at all times. “wouldn’t it be cool if traffic stopped existing because every car could start driving fast at the same time to get you to your destination??” my brother in christ you are describing a train rn

Makes you proud to be Glaswegian. 💙🏴󠁧󠁢󠁳󠁣󠁴󠁿

It is also the 89th anniversary of the Crystal Palace burning down, but you can look to proper historians for that sort of thing. I’m obviously more interested in unusually intimate knifings

i need a bf b: billion f: fucking dollars

I think a lot about how 100 years ago I’d have withered away and died from my celiac. I was 44 years old at diagnosis. No, the cancer I had at 34. Wait, the salmonella i had at 27. RFK Jr. and anti science anti medicine weirdos can get fucking fucked.

Thanks for your application, but you can only work here if your name is an unconventional spelling of Jared

Cannabinoids. Cannabinugs. Cannabinoodles. Cannabinoogies.

Yeah I have stability Get the sticker ➡️ mcapriglione.art

She can't see the present dude, that's why you wrapped it

As a parent of small children, I wish everyone responsible for bringing back measles and whooping cough a very time travel accident that strands them in the black death

We have each other. We are the Resistance now. All of us.

grocery stores immediately switched the music to “jingle bell rock.” i still have gravy stains on my shoes, please have mercy

The only people still dropping the hard R are the cruelest of the cruel. They do not care. Even when that word was in “higher rotation,” it was juvenile to use it.

[prince, working on lyrics] she had a red hat on. looked like it was thrifted.

SIMPLY HAVING A WONDERFUL CHRISTMASTIME

We act like the “Murder, She Wrote” and “Magnum, P.I.” crossover wasn’t the apex of western culture.

Funny what happens when a society tries to memory hole a pandemic and everyone gets burnout, instead of treating it as a mass trauma event.

Gypsy There are not NEARLY enough mst3k GIFs on this here web site.

As I always do with boycotts, I urge: be tough with corporations, gentle with individual buyers. For some people, Black Friday sales are the way they get their kids jackets that fit, shoes that hold up to the weather. Yelling at them doesn’t help the cause.

Would this have happened to a white resident? Asking for the First Nations.

Not technically allowed to say what I think should happen to everyone involved in the boat strikes but I think we all know what it is and that it should definitely happen

Huge Black Friday lineup turns out to just be for Food Bank

The irony is rich.

My business has tanked since I left Etsy over them selling concentration camp merchandise. If you are looking for amazing art supplies and a way to stick i to the man shop at my site! scarletnymph.com

Was feeling sentimental today so I started a fight with a complete stranger over a flat screen tv.

Planted some marigolds in the spring but never got any. Until the winter rain, and they are all over the yard now in the weirdest places. Note: my kitties love digging in the herb garden/flower bed. #detective

Happy Email-from-every-company-you-ever-ordered-from Day!

I know full well the school photographer was not harassing my parents at holiday time. Capitalism does not breed innovation. It breeds greed.

Firefighters battled a blaze at a Hong Kong high-rise apartment complex for the second day on Thursday, as the death toll rose to 94 in one of the deadliest blazes in the city’s modern history.

Telling people to 'live within their means' is pissing me off. People are living in tents, vehicles, and shelters while working full time jobs. You can't out-budget an economy that turns basic necessity into a luxury. Stop saying that shit to people.

Mulligan has been drinking out of the people water all afternoon and we just found out

Guys this is what ChatGPT thinks of you

Remember, you're a fierce AF baddie! Your MAGA relative might be a bully, but you are a flippin superhero that defends democracy every friggin day. You can tactfully destroy any pro-Trump argument & list off 30 reasons why everything Trump touches turns to sht with wit, grace & brilliance. Do it!

Stephen Miller and RFK Jr.

In the olden days I was a copywriter and I took work on Upwork. They messaged today that I’ve been invited to interview for some AI-to-real-English position and wow, no thank you.

fellas is it gay to be straight

My AI hand turkey has seven tail feathers.

The radio in the work break room is tuned to Christmas music. I just know I’m going to lose Whamageddon this year.

No one has non-ironically said "What a time to be alive" since July 2, 2017.