Y’all gotta be more considerate of people’s preferred ways to gamble, tired of the slot shaming

Instead of saying “goodbye” or “catch you later,” we should start saying: “May you outlive him.”

Can’t believe Ronda Rousey got paid $2.2M for a fight that lasted 17 seconds. I fight my haters all day online for free

It’s not that I’m a hater, it’s that I love you and expect more. And also I’m a hater

It felt as though ages 15-17 lasted 20 years, whereas ages 35-37 lasted 20 minutes

What do people with photographic memories do with all the 2FA codes?

He just made enough to cover rent. Drop the Minas Tirith LEGO set.

We’ll look back on Clavicular as an extremely 2026 phenomena

Made the mistake of wearing @theonion.com / INFOWARS hat this morning for school dropoff; I fear the multi-layered irony and media literacy required to understand the nuanced depth of its humor was lost on a few exhausted parents at 8:15am on a Wednesday, got a few looks 😬

The main reason I’d have a hard time running for public office is that I have a long tail posting history revealing that I was a huge Dream Theater fan from about 2001-2009; would be absolutely devastating to the campaign if that got out

How do I turn off all news notifications from my phone except The One We’re All Waiting For

You resist the slow march of late-stage technofascism when the baby resists the slow march of late-stage technofascism

'Saturday Night Live'? More like 'Sunday Morning on YouTube' AMIRITE??

Rent getting so high polyamory starting to make sense

Rent getting so high polyamory starting to make sense

Moving out of NYC but let the record show Mamdani had absolutely nothing to do with it

I swear the entire arc of ‘Succession’ was specifically designed from day-one to set up the line: “You can’t make a Tomelette without breaking some Greggs.”

‘Curb Your Enthusiasm’ as a series premiered in October of 2000, pre-social media, pre-smartphone, even pre-9/11—and in the final season, Larry David is yelling at Siri via CarPlay in his fully-electric BMW.

Just call me Michel Angelo Ratio the way I be shredding you in the comments left and right

Rule number 1 for being a metalhead is you need to cultivate an exhaustive historiography of the entire genre, along with a nuanced semiotic critique on exactly why metal is dumb as hell

I drink protein beers I cry protein tears I got sunscreen yes queen soybean fears In my protein years I switch protein gears For my bootstrapped bare chest Protein peers

The best part about being a non-smoker is nobody ever stops to try to bum a cigarette off you, 10/10 public lifestyle would recommend

Hobbit entrepreneurs be like

To conservatives worried about declining birth rates; just wait until 9 months after it happens

The only ‘ballroom’ you should be in favor of is in the shorts you plan to wear this year when the weather finally gets warm

I am a MANLY ALPHA MAN and I CANNOT STOP THINKING AND TALKING ABOUT BALLROOMS

You can tell everything you need to know about a person by the state of this 6" strip of their toilet

It’s 2026 and you should know this already, but here’s a reminder that it is a *desk concert that is tiny*, not a *concert at a tiny desk*

if only there were a bajillion easily accessible stories written by humans you could share with your kids

Pretty wild that you could buy: iPhone 17e: $599 MacBook Neo: $599 iPad (11th generation): $349 Magic Keyboard Folio: $249 Apple Pencil (USB-C): $79 Apple Watch SE 3: $249 AirPods 4: $129 Apple TV 4K: $129 HomePod mini: $99 AirTag: $29 Total: $2,510 Or MacBook Pro (16” M5) Total: $2,699

He really got Russell ‘branded’ a dork there, huh

A fun game for adults would be the Billy Madison Challenge: take standardized tests starting in first grade and see how far you can get before you flunk out because you forgot the quadratic formula or something

One thing Scott Galloway is right about though: Tucker Carlson is absolutely running for president and is going to destroy at the debates and probably become the GOP nominee.

Tim Cook’s legacy so massive iCloud’s free 5GB-tier can’t contain it, you’ve run out of space and need to upgrade

It’s fun to think how there’s probably several people out there who all have the same song stuck in their heads as you, all bouncing to the same rhythm and beat at the same time and don’t even know it, Psychic Disco

Hanging out at my drug dealer’s house, a.k.a. the coffee shop

Even if I was an industry plant, I’d probably accidentally forget to water it

I must be old because I logged into YouTube dot com and they didn’t even bother suggesting I tune into Coachella

This was a fun one for me to write. It's the Angine de Poitrine argument for universal basic income. We could have more weird, awesome, truly human stuff like this if we all had UBI. We could have more Einsteins too. And because those things are true, the cost of NOT doing UBI isn't worth it.

The great thing about cats is that I enjoy petting them and they enjoy getting pet, it’s a perfect arrangement

This War with Iran could have been an email

Doubling down on this prediction, still a real possibility that nothing ships

‘The Edge’ is way too cool of a nickname for a guy who plays in U2

Pardon me, I have to use the Clavatory

Lots of ppl claim to have ‘fuck you money,’ but no one seems to have ‘post hog on LinkedIn’ money

To be fair it was a tough decision at the ballot box

New SunnO))) album drops the same day as a new Angine de Poitrine album, truly a Good Friday for annoying your neighbors

Someone should design an office-appropriate ‘business casual tank top’ for when it’s hot in the office

I’ve been living in an impossibly tiny manhattan apartment so long that whenever I see anyone in anything even resembling a ‘normal-sized’ home my first thought is “OK BILLIONAIRE”

I don’t know who named noodles noodles, but those things are definitely noodles.