Fuck it, I'll say it: Amy Klobuchar is the Gavin Newsom of Minnesota and will be a fucking disaster of a governor.

This is, of course, wildly antisemitic.

Probably because it was turned off

The downside of collagen that is absolutely not up to code: Shoulder just might decide to make a brief foray out of socket putting on a coat too quickly The upside of collagen that is absolutely not up to code: At least I don't have to immobilize it or pay to have it reduced... Still, #ow

*inserts penis into hornets' nest* *One hour later* "The bees and I are very close to a deal."

DS9 gettin' all up in this.

This is fun.

I'm not apologizing.

Is that butter? No it's ghee. Oh thanks for clarifying

I am now accepting signatories for a petition to abolish weather, or at least the kind of weather I feel in my joints

😀🤣

too many stupid people have money; that's why I'm launching protein cigarettes

Oh my god. I've just realized that archaeologists are basically dumpster divers. We are the trash pandas of academe, rooting around for treats in piles of ancient garbage. Raccoons.

The older I get the more my barometer for how much I like a cis man is how willing he is to laugh at a woman's joke

I (thankfully) do not work on biothreats anymore, but some of y’all know me from Covid-era twitter and before that (!) from Ebola-era twitter so if it is helpful to you: I don’t think you need to be concerned about hantavirus

It’s not hard being amazing, people. Check this out: RATviolis. They’re raviolis, but there’s rat meat in them. I just made that up. Seriously it’s easy.

I have more in common with a trans woman who suffers under misogyny and patriarchy than I do with a cis woman who chooses to enforce and internalize misogyny and supports patriarchy. Trans women are my sisters. And trans men are my brothers.

Everyone who shouted compliments at me today for my shirt, I got it from @garaktailor.com at garaktailor-shop.fourthwall.com/products/jac...

Can't confirm this fully but my sources are telling me that Rudy Giuliani was hospitalized because he "pretty much had sex with" one of those motorized bristle devices that clean the turf and dirt off your golf shoes before you go inside. "He was way up on it for some time," a witness told me.

Good night, Bluesky. Please enjoy Saja on the porch, casting no shadow because he's already a void.

we talk a lot of trash about john fetterman but he's going to really come in useful when it's time to hold a big door shut in the season finale of america

Soniferous Aether xkcd.com/3238/

this is america. you could find yourself within 100yds of a shooting at any time, in any place. school, the grocery store, a movie theater, a block party, a public park… it happens to regular people every day. but this week we’ll get 50+ weepy op-eds because it happened to the guys who write op-eds

"Listen, this is gonna be one hell of a bowel movement; afterwards, he'll be lucky to have any bones left"

Did we see a surge of very specific bets that this scenario would happen? No? Then it's not a false flag. These dipshits wouldn't be able to help themselves.

Browsing the thread, George does not seem to be engaging when someone points out this tech *simply does not work reliably* and how false negatives will be among its failures.

@rahaeli.bsky.social Do you happen to have good resources on biking and hypermobility/EDS? Google searches suck nards.

selecting the window seat and immediately closing the shade to protect my fellow passengers from witnessing the blasphemy of human flight

This is a dance off. If you see this repost a dance.

hey everyone remember to shut the fuck up in hotel hallways

just saw someone call Kash Patel “J Edgar Boozer” and need to lie down

walking into the office kitchen to see a poster celebrating earth day that was definitely made with AI and then turning around and walking into the sea instead

The human circulatory system, before and after proper cable management.

Every AI commercial is like "Hey AI, what goes good on a sandwich?" and then the AI is like "Have you considered... cheese?" And then the narrator is like: THE FUTURE IS HERE.

A friend of Spouse came over and cooked us a Slovakian dish: bacon cooked in butter and then poured over potato dumplings that had been tossed in feta cheese and sour cream. Delicious, but designed for olden-times farmers working a farm in the dead of winter. We could hear our arteries clang shut.

It’s inaccurate to say Mario is brave and Luigi is cowardly Luigi is afraid of death, so he runs away from danger. Mario is afraid of living, so he runs towards death. Both brothers are cowards in their own way

These laws do have a point: To destroy higher education There's a widespread effort to make it so that the only people who can attend college are those already in positions of wealth and privilege. The powerful see an educated populace as a threat, not caring about society benefiting from education

Exactly one year ago today:

I saw a squirrel. He was doin' like this! *chittering and nibbling noises*

Instead of asking chatgpt, why not ask a librarian? You'll get real answers and they won't tell you to kill yourself.

My hot take on the economy/vibecession stuff: Economics is not a real science and statistics are only as good as their design. You need to ask the right questions of the right sample set to get something approximating reality. Bad faith and incompetence both will produce bullshit, even if "true"

reminder that at one point Substack was trying to poach me from patreon and when I said I didn't like how they platformed LITERAL NAZIS the best their rep could say was "yeah I hate it too but what are you gonna do" fuck that shit

Spotted on my bike ride to work. Butterflies are so important.

I named my dog "Nature" because he abhors the vacuum.

The Yu-Gi-Oh! meme about speaking ill of the dead, except it's about "the dying" and the response card is "Don't be a piece of shit while you're healthy."

Guys its okay California has more democrats who can run for governor there is another skywalker u dont have to settle for a credibly accused sex assaulter