This convention is right by Disneyland and around this time of night you hear the booms of them executing the poorly performing ‘cast members’.

This convention I’m doing is making us all sad. They have me signing out of a garbage bin in a squalid corner and there’s a huge line for free pudding samples that cuts across this entire corner so nobody can even see that we exist. People throw their empty pudding containers in my garbage bin.

People are always asking me where I’ve been and what I’m up to these days and it’s frustrating because I can’t answer those questions without giving away that I’ve been in their house the whole time, watching them. Watching them do everything…

I’m honestly shocked at how useless most people are in emergency situations. I don’t think I know ANYONE that knows how to make their own Funyuns.

I can’t stand everyone I address, am I right guys??

It’s nice being appreciated for my accomplishments in the fields of entertainment and science but just once I’d like to be wanted solely for my decimated, revolting body.

YOU’VE WALKED INTO THE WRONG PANERA BREAD is what I’d say to someone who walked into a Panera Bread where I was about to stab them.

Goyza? GOYza?? Its GYOZA, goddammit! GYOZA!! I am prepared for prison at this point. I am going to murder you.

I can’t sleep. I keep thinking about Nukie.

This is my latest fascination. Everything about it. It’s also become my new thing to say instead of the risible ‘it is what it is.’ “Forget it, Jake. It’s potato.”

I’m going to be at this thing. Will you be at this thing? If so then maybe come by and let’s have an awkward interaction we’ll both regret!

Making an animated series is arduous work, often times it’s a miserable experience but the one thing that makes it all worth it is knowing I’m making a crew of actual, talented humans suffer and sometimes die by screaming orders at them. Take that away and what’s even the point??

Uuuuuuughh…

I came up with a new country song while on the road called ‘I Had to Take a Dookie in My Hydroflask’. I love being talented.

This is a very weird time to be a me! Cut it out!

The Mandalogu.

They say you either die the hero, or live long enough to see cartoons with eyes the way you draw them.

I demand the finest dumples in Manhattan.

This can’t be a coincidence. Did Army of Darkness rip off FLORPUS? It’s shocking really. #evildead #invaderzim

It’s not hard being amazing, people. Check this out: RATviolis. They’re raviolis, but there’s rat meat in them. I just made that up. Seriously it’s easy.

My favorite boots finally died. Where’s the best place in NYC to buy boots from the future?

I don’t wanna freak anyone out but I’m waving my hands around all freaky like.

I asked everyone what’s the ONE place I should see while driving around the country and the answer was unanimously Mathews North Carolina. I mean… I see a mall and a Jimmy John’s, I guess. I think I just expected something more?

AAAAAAAAAUGHHHHH!!! Ya know?

I want to experience being reviled for being an ai ‘artist’. Imagine I’ve posted an ai image of a donkey being cool as shit. Now let me have it!

Everything.

Not enough usage of ‘persnickety’.

I was at a sporting goods store (because I’m a sweaty beef bro) when I saw a girl wearing a ZIM shirt and thought how easily I could brighten a fan’s day and decided fuck it why not. I told her I hated her fashion choices and shoved her into a rack of fishing poles. God I’m neat.

The new mummy movie is a really fun evil dead sequel.

Now that America is officially great again I've been driving around the country, meeting new people, dual-wielding strange animals and exploring said greatness. I'm currently in Georgia and have now eaten at a Waffle House TWO TIMES and here's what I've learned: THEY DON'T SELL WAFFLES. Fascinating.

So apparently there was an anniversary for the INVADER ZIM show? I never watched it myself but I’ve heard alright stuff from some very dodgy sorts. I was more of a Butt Ugly Martians guy myself but to each their own, I spoze. #invaderzim

Yes, Duolingo. I can’t resist your commands anymore…

ONE MONTH LEFT to order this big ol' 11x17 ZIM print! When it's gone I will salt the earth so nothing else may ever grow.

I’ve been lost inside of a Buc-ee’s for three days now. I was warned to stay the hell away and I didn’t listen and now I’m being stalked by this labyrinth’s Minotaur, a giant beaver man that leaves only shreds of barbecued flesh in its wake.

Where in Athens Georgia can I buy a full size, sentient Dalek after 8PM? Everything closes so early here!! Don’t they know who I am?!?

Im getting tacos in Tuscaloosa Alabama and it happened again: I SEE CARROT TOP. This can’t be coincidence. Somebody help me. God forgive me all my sins.

Saw Carrot Top while I was eating a giant bowl of vegan pasta in Austin Texas. According to the legend I will now die in 7 days. #THETOPPENING

Where’s all the weird stuff in Albuquerque? Is there a Halloween themed cookie shop named ALL-BOO-COOKIE? I’m so sorry…

Gonna be driving across the country for a bit so if anyone needs anything lemme know and I’ll pick it up for you.

I’ve updated my user agreement. Agree or disagree.

Reading a book by Werner Herzog, as opposed to listening to the audio version narrated by him, is made only better for the fact that in my head it is narrated by my own terrible Werner Herzog impersonation.

Watching The Wizard of Oz. This movie is fucking insane.

Predator Badlands review: Finally a Predator that learns to love a CG monkey friend. What I hated about the previous films was they didn’t have enough jar jars.

I hung out with a raccoon.

It always bothered me when people laughed while watching ZIM. All that time I spent trying to warn humanity with my admittedly astounding cautionary tales and they LAUGHED. Well I tried. Sure I failed spectacularly but I tried…

Scoopin’.

My oral surgeon has been playing the theme music to Halloween the entire time I’ve been here. If he doesn’t come out in a blood spattered Michael Meyers costume I’m not paying.

The last time I visited Columbus Ohio I was forced to eat a hot pocket for the first time. It was sad and it still haunts me. I’m back again and I’m scared I’ll have to do that again.

I’m on a plane again goddammit.

I never really looked at people before. What’s up with their faces?