They say you either die the hero, or live long enough to see cartoons with eyes the way you draw them.

I demand the finest dumples in Manhattan.

This can’t be a coincidence. Did Army of Darkness rip off FLORPUS? It’s shocking really. #evildead #invaderzim

It’s not hard being amazing, people. Check this out: RATviolis. They’re raviolis, but there’s rat meat in them. I just made that up. Seriously it’s easy.

My favorite boots finally died. Where’s the best place in NYC to buy boots from the future?

I don’t wanna freak anyone out but I’m waving my hands around all freaky like.

I asked everyone what’s the ONE place I should see while driving around the country and the answer was unanimously Mathews North Carolina. I mean… I see a mall and a Jimmy John’s, I guess. I think I just expected something more?

AAAAAAAAAUGHHHHH!!! Ya know?

I want to experience being reviled for being an ai ‘artist’. Imagine I’ve posted an ai image of a donkey being cool as shit. Now let me have it!

Everything.

Not enough usage of ‘persnickety’.

I was at a sporting goods store (because I’m a sweaty beef bro) when I saw a girl wearing a ZIM shirt and thought how easily I could brighten a fan’s day and decided fuck it why not. I told her I hated her fashion choices and shoved her into a rack of fishing poles. God I’m neat.

The new mummy movie is a really fun evil dead sequel.

Now that America is officially great again I've been driving around the country, meeting new people, dual-wielding strange animals and exploring said greatness. I'm currently in Georgia and have now eaten at a Waffle House TWO TIMES and here's what I've learned: THEY DON'T SELL WAFFLES. Fascinating.

So apparently there was an anniversary for the INVADER ZIM show? I never watched it myself but I’ve heard alright stuff from some very dodgy sorts. I was more of a Butt Ugly Martians guy myself but to each their own, I spoze. #invaderzim

Yes, Duolingo. I can’t resist your commands anymore…

ONE MONTH LEFT to order this big ol' 11x17 ZIM print! When it's gone I will salt the earth so nothing else may ever grow.

I’ve been lost inside of a Buc-ee’s for three days now. I was warned to stay the hell away and I didn’t listen and now I’m being stalked by this labyrinth’s Minotaur, a giant beaver man that leaves only shreds of barbecued flesh in its wake.

Where in Athens Georgia can I buy a full size, sentient Dalek after 8PM? Everything closes so early here!! Don’t they know who I am?!?

Im getting tacos in Tuscaloosa Alabama and it happened again: I SEE CARROT TOP. This can’t be coincidence. Somebody help me. God forgive me all my sins.

Saw Carrot Top while I was eating a giant bowl of vegan pasta in Austin Texas. According to the legend I will now die in 7 days. #THETOPPENING

Where’s all the weird stuff in Albuquerque? Is there a Halloween themed cookie shop named ALL-BOO-COOKIE? I’m so sorry…

Gonna be driving across the country for a bit so if anyone needs anything lemme know and I’ll pick it up for you.

I’ve updated my user agreement. Agree or disagree.

Reading a book by Werner Herzog, as opposed to listening to the audio version narrated by him, is made only better for the fact that in my head it is narrated by my own terrible Werner Herzog impersonation.

Watching The Wizard of Oz. This movie is fucking insane.

Predator Badlands review: Finally a Predator that learns to love a CG monkey friend. What I hated about the previous films was they didn’t have enough jar jars.

I hung out with a raccoon.

It always bothered me when people laughed while watching ZIM. All that time I spent trying to warn humanity with my admittedly astounding cautionary tales and they LAUGHED. Well I tried. Sure I failed spectacularly but I tried…

Scoopin’.

My oral surgeon has been playing the theme music to Halloween the entire time I’ve been here. If he doesn’t come out in a blood spattered Michael Meyers costume I’m not paying.

The last time I visited Columbus Ohio I was forced to eat a hot pocket for the first time. It was sad and it still haunts me. I’m back again and I’m scared I’ll have to do that again.

I’m on a plane again goddammit.

I never really looked at people before. What’s up with their faces?

A nice little thing I like to do is keep raisins in my pocket to hand out to strangers when out in the world - you never know what someone’s going through and if a single raisin can keep them from losing their shit, then it was worth it. #raisins

Successfully extracted from Atlanta. Thank you, everyone who showed up to support and consume my award losing stew at StewCon. People even dressed up in weird costumes to see me but that actually worked out alright since they could be filled up with burning hot stew. Much appreciated. #dragoncon

I don’t care what the official bullshit is from the White House, there’s no way those black bags they’re dumping aren’t full of Trump’s cankle meat. They can’t dump them fast enough - no sooner do they fill up a bag does two bags of meat regenerate. #canklegate

Did a panel today about why people still like INVADER ZIM after all this time despite it being a known fact the show causes mental deformities and almost always gives viewers ‘stupid eyes.’ Pretty good turnout and the lights made it easier to ignore their hideous eyes.

Do not fear the thing on the wing. BE the thing on the wing.

Oh shiiiiit! Hollywood’s Brent Spiner is on my flight. That’s a good sign.

On my way to the airport and being weirded out seeing that there’s other people out at this hour. What are they all doing?? They all look so miserable. Oh god, do I look like that? Am I also… people? #dragoncon

Dragoncon adventure update: set my alarm for 6am for the airport portion of the quest. DID NOT SLEEP. I fear this whole thing.

Huh. So I’ve NEVER looked at my mentions here. I’ve missed a LOT of things. Sorry, friends who are now dead but why the hell are you sending me cries for help because your car flipped and is on fire via Bluesky mention? Not smart!

Behold this beautiful trash warlock!

How do people not know they can reset themselves to the factory settings by pressing in both eyeballs for 15 seconds until they hear a beep?

Steven King wrote a short story about a guy who mistakenly gets delivered a Kindle that has access to every book written across the multiverse, books from alternate reality versions of authors. I want such a device just for all of the infinite Margaret Atwood’s alone.

I enjoy fun space opera stuff but mostly for watching - movies or television, but I’m never drawn to that sort of thing when it comes to reading. It’s always more interesting when there’s a purpose beyond just entertainment, stories that leave a mark long after I’m done with the book.

More real life things should come with quantifiable achievements. Thanks @kylevogt.bsky.social!

Recent nonfiction books I have absorbed: ‘Strongmen: Mussolini to the Present’, ‘The Great Mortality’ and ‘Men Who Hate Women’. Authoritarian leaders, the black plague and incels.

Now I LOVE the original ALIEN movie, but it’s not perfect (unlike the ORGANISM itself. HAHAHA!) and something that always bothered me was its lack of a twangy guitar solo. Thanks for finally giving me that, ALIEN EARTH.