When I catch you Triller 🤜

Happy Thanksgiving 💙

My beautiful wife 💙 @effeneffervescent.bsky.social

Just me and my hot wife.

This is where you stop to kiss all the homies

Stay tuned. #FiftyFiftyOne #50501Movement #PeoplesMovement #ImpeachTrump

Not only is she the hot wife, @effeneffervescent.bsky.social is the best mom I have ever met. She is patient, kind, hysterical, loving, and incredibly resilient. (And a total MILF) The girls and I love you so much 💙 Happy mother's day babe 😘

Gang Initiate Forced To Peacefully Deescalate Conflict To Prove He Not A Cop theonion.com/gang-in...

Billionaire tears are especially delicious and filled with essential vitamins.

Pretty proud of myself

Yes, my economic plan will cause short term pain. But after that you won't feel the pain anymore because you'll be dead

It just needed love to make it a home

i’m sorry i bit a hole in your car tire but in my defense i had just watched the news

what's wrong babe, you've hardly touched today's heap of apocalyptic news headlines

Guys, I love my girlfriend and our beautiful girls.

Genie: *transforms me into a turtle* oh wait, did you say eternal life? Me: *from inside shell* yeah no this is better

Stop seeing ghosts, start seeing your beach bod, with Wegovy™.

Weird that we have to say this, but the government doesn’t get to decide what gender a person is.

When the internet was 2 tin cans and a string, no one could force you to follow traitors.

it feels like TikTok got bitten by a zombie and is hiding the bite

Good morning. Delete your TikTok.

for the avoidance of doubt though

Maybe I'm being too idealistic but if somebody gives a Nazi salute at a political event that person should perhaps dare I say not be allowed anywhere near our government.

Things you can do today: -Binge watch your favorite comfort show. -Take the most luxurious bath or shower you’ve taken in ages. -Finish your book. -Start your book. -Play old records. - Pet animals. -Nap. -Hydrate. -Medicate. -Impersonate a burrito. -Eat a burrito. Damn I need a burrito.

I feel some of you need this as much as I did. Remember it takes heat and tempering to make a great steel.

They absolutely buried TikTok in a Pet Sematary because what was resurrected was NOT what was laid to rest. We’re about to find out that sometimes dead is better, real quick.

Can we use some of that Meta energy to also push for regulation of Airbnbs? There are so many livable houses that are only occupied for a small portion of the year. I just want a home for my family in the town I grew up in.

The best storyline you can go down in Baldurs Gate 3 is about how important it is to give it all up and become a battle lesbian in hell

Ok #booksky, let’s talk. 👎🏼Goodreads, owned by Amazon, fuels its monopoly on books. 👍🏼StoryGraph, a Black woman-owned platform, offers an ethical, ad-free alternative with mood-based recommendations, user control over data, and a focus on inclusivity. Support diversity over corporate power!

20 minutes on Red Note and I am already getting Pedro Pascal edits.

Trump: I’m gonna invade Greenland Also Trump: I’m gonna move the inauguration inside. It’s too cold for my fingies

Funny how TikTok is a problem but PokemonGo is using us for geospatial mapping.

Put down that content and consume me instead.

Stupid out of touch man just got mad at me because the school isn't shutting down because of one covid case. Where tf have you been, bro?

*kicks your front door open* Hey fucko, I’m gonna love you so hard, your great grandkids will be born feeling cherished *gives you a little kiss on your forehead*

Never thought I could miss someone so fucking much.

Had a sex dream last night that involved an awful lot of ham.