astronauts sometimes describe a transcendent feeling of connection with all human beings when viewing the earth from space, an effect previously only achievable by taking a little edible and grilling hot dogs in the sunshine

bsky going down this much reminds me of your mom bc she too is unstable and you should really think about getting her a walker

Oops. Lost my will to live.

More accurate every day since I originally posted it

dead kennedy’s were right you know, shit has been really fucked up for a super fucking long time now they’ve chipped away at everything that could have ever stopped them for decades now, because a few religious fanatics are convinced that blowing up the middle east will lead to a second coming

it’s been a two popsicle kinda night every night for… going on quite a while now

i see the joke format and raise you…ahh no shit i had something, let me think….

sorry to be painfully single on main but, is milking a prostate a viable treatment for an enlarged one?

It’s pretty rude you didn’t spank my ass and wish me a Happy Birthday.

Got cake all over my face. Anyway, thought of you.

no, yeah…these are my emotional support quesadillas. they do quite a bit of the heavy lifting

a dating app but you're matched by the kindest thing you've ever done called Tender

I don't have two wolves inside me but I do have a vast emptiness that they could roam free in

Remember when it took an international pandemic to shut down the world’s economy… Now it only takes one American idiot.

Permission to fuck shit up, sir.

i sure hope i can dream about better things soon

he’s a 10, but he still uses this joke format

he’s a 10, but he calls sex, clam slammin’

My love language is trying to turn everything into a sexual innuendo

oh no yeah….everything is very much less than ideal

It’s Friday. Get your buttholes ready.

It’s really cool how my allergies will just randomly decide that I don’t deserve to breathe out of my nose.

I am overwhelmed and understimulated

So, we’re attacking a nation who wants to enforce a state religion and suppress women’s rights? Weird.

The aliens aren't even picking up the phone anymore

I keep posting posts no one likes.

starting to doubt if there ever really was a place in france where the ladies would not wear any pants but here we are spending money on bombs instead of getting to bottom of this

mumbling my mantra to myself “don’t be weird, don’t be weird, don’t be weird.” 0% success rate

🎵🎶wake me when fascism ends🎵🎶 yeah, no…it’s not very catchy

i’ve used everything in my apartment for mindfulness. now i have to start shipping the hookers in. *grounding*

Fixing my problems one slice of cheese at a time.

they’re ready to fuck

When the bottom of your sock gets wet

anxiety and depression!? in this economy? oh no yeah…that makes sense

Who you are when you’re tired is the real you.

my dad got me a sweatshirt that says “first of all, i’m a delight,” so i’m getting him a t-shirt that says “i wasn’t yelling. i was parenting.”

Do these compressions socks make my butt look big?

Why can’t a black hole just open up and take me right now?

These are my emotional support compression socks.

Is that a hot dog in your pants or are you just happy to see me?

It’s pretty rude you don’t like my posts.